The New Me And Our Quest To Become Debt Free And Have Self Belief

moonlightpjs · 3 February 2007 at 2:14PM

Hi all, just need to write this down as my heart is well and truly broken and I feel that I am just failing my children. As most of you will know we are in a lot of debt and are doing a self admin DMP, everything seems to be going ok so far and hubby is working lots of overtime to help reduce debts.

We have a 7 year old son and an 8 month old daughter. My son couldn't speak until he was approx 5 and still has trouble sometimes, ie: stuttering when hes tired or upset. He has improved really, really well and tries so hard and I am so proud of him, he has made friends at school and is coming on in leaps and buounds and is a very loving, caring, kind and clever boy - the apple of my eye.

This morning, hubby at work and my son comes into our bedroom and asks if can get into bed with me for a cudlle, of course I say and in he jumps. I love moments like this when I can devote time to him as with new baby its quite hard (baby asleep in her room). The conversation goes like this:-

Sam - Mummy do you love me?
Me - Yes sweetie, more than all the clouds in the sky
Sam - Are you upset Mummy
Me - No, why darling?
Sam - You know when you thought I had gone to bed the other night, well I came downstairs for a drink of milk and heard you and Daddy talking (kitchen on floor higher than living room)
Me- Did you darling, well you should have been in bed? (laughing)
Sam - You were upset Mummy because you said you couldn't afford things and I don't like it when you get upset.
Me - Well, we couldn't afford for Mummy to get some new boots - I was only a bit upset but Mummy has other boots.
Sam - Well, I;ve been thinking and I think I should go live with Grandma and Pa then you can afford the new boots
Me - (horrified) I am not bothered about the boots sweetie, I love you and want you to stay here with me
Sam - But you can't afford me Mummy cos I need new clothes and food and toys and things so if I go live with Grandma and Pa you won't need to afford me and then you'll be happy and wont cry anymore
Me- (tears rolling down my cheeks, heart literally broken) But I only want you, you Samuel make me happy, happier than anything else and I don't want you to go, I don't wnat anything else other than you, mollie and daddy

sorry, can't type anymore - i've ruined my childs life and what kind of Mummy am I. I'm no use to him, maybe he'd be better off with my mum and dad as I'm obvioulsy destroying him. I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out

Dumyat · 3 February 2007 at 2:18PM

you are the best mum in the world. look what a thoughtful little boy you have raised. there is nothing wrong with a bit of money "reality" in a child's life.

immoral_angeluk · 3 February 2007 at 2:18PM

Oh hun I can only imagine how that must have felt but if anything it just shows what a caring unselfish little boy you have. He just wants you to be happy and it's hard for them to understand the adult world sometimes but please please don't think you've failed him. If anything you've done a wonderful job as it sounds like he's a loving sweet natured little boy.
*big hugs*

lou_lou_skinty_poos · 3 February 2007 at 2:19PM

you are not a terrible mother atall everybody has money issues you arent alone in that money doesnt make you a good parent your child loves you so much he doesnt want you to be upset so obviously you have raised him to be a sweet and giving child!!!!! Think positive youve got two lovely children a husband and your surviving it'd be nice to win the lottery tomorrow but what uve got is worth so much more than money keep your chin up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

nic_santorini · 3 February 2007 at 2:23PM

It seems to me that you are doing all the right things and the conversation you had with him was great. Don't forget that children at that age that the whole world revolves around them and they are the problem at the heart of all issues both at home and international. The have no sense of knowing that it works the other way. so the solutions your little boy is coming up with is just typical of what any 7 year old boy would say and surely that is the development you want in your child. This is just your son's way of trying to sort out the issue that he thinks is his but is not. Your son is in the correct developmental stage and with all his hurdles in life - this is excellent. When he is 8, 9 or 10 he will start to realise that actually the world still turneth without his advice or help.

I would just keep that conversation as a keep sake - it is pure and utter childhoodness.

Hope this helps.
Nic

Gorgeous_George · 3 February 2007 at 2:24PM

Some things, money can't buy.

Be proud.

GG

ohmsoft · 3 February 2007 at 2:27PM

With loving and caring children like that you have a wealth that no DMP or bank can ever take away from you. You should be proud you have raised such a thoughtful child - you have not let them down in any way, in the scheme of things money is unimportant and does not make you any less of a fantastic parent.

The love of a family costs nothing x

Broken_hearted · 3 February 2007 at 2:31PM

I always explain things to my boys so they understand in a way whats goinmg on. It's hard not being able to afford the after school activities but we do free things like board games, story time and go for walks. My eldest gave me 4p to pay the bank the other day as he had been in when they phoned.

dawnybabes · 3 February 2007 at 2:33PM

Aaawwww what a sweetheart and what a brilliant mum to have raised such a caring child.

Its true the best things in life are free and you couldn't buy love like this. xx

Redbedhead · 3 February 2007 at 2:34PM

You should be proud of yourself. Your son sounds like a fantastic little boy. Completely selfless and obviously loves you to bits.

There are somethings in life more important than money. You are bringing up a wonderful child, who cares about others - that is priceless.

mountainofdebt · 3 February 2007 at 2:35PM

Good gawd, you are not a !!!!!! mother and you have not ruined your child's life.

A !!!!!! mother is someone who would have bought those boots and let her child go hungry.

I must admit that our son doesn't tend to ask for things unless he REALLY wants something (which isn't very often) and I've put it down to us (overly perhaps?) stressing when he was slightly older than your lad that we practically didn't have any money.

As the situation has improved, I've told him that money is still tight but if we can afford it then he can have it, if we haven't then he can't, which he accepts.

As for your son, try telling that you wouldn't swop him for all the boots in the world which I know is true anyway

The New Me And Our Quest To Become Debt Free And Have Self Belief

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