help this chrismas is going to be sad

hob · 12 October 2009 at 2:10PM

its a bit of a long story but ill try and keep it short, my older brother who is desabled was being abuse at home so the socail got invoilved and now i have him. hes 28 but acts like a 10 year old spiderman and xbox. when the scoial asked if id take him i sadi yes and i will never regret that it was the right thing to do and he is so sweet bless him.(if very stressfull lol) however my whole family has stoped talking to us. i knew this would happen but its still upseting. now i have to make chrismas happen. everytime i think about it im nearly in tears. i dont know what to do i dont have hardly any money (jsa) i can bearly afford to live as it is. he dont belive in santa so thats something. he dosent understand money so its not like i can explane that im poor tho. its not just the gifts and dinner(i dont even have a oven mine broke! about 2 weeks ago) im worried about what im i ment to do when chrismas has all ways been a 'family' thing. how do i make it happy?

angie_baby · 12 October 2009 at 2:18PM

Hi, Firstly dont panic, there will be people who know what they are talking about soon!

One thing though, check you are getting all your benifits - if your his carer there should be something for you - maybe go over to the benifit board and make sure your getting what your entitled too.

Regards to oven - benifits again but i think this could be covered by a crisis loan.

I dont know how to make christmas happy as it will be hard the first time. What about starting your own little tradition? Maybe new PJ's on xmas eve and then a movie night - HM popcorn & hot chocolate.

Also social services should be helping you! I probily havent made much sense but people who do will be along soon. Dont panic you have a good few weeks to plan a cheap and cheerful christmas.

And of course well done for helping your brother and looking after him - its a huge lifestyle change.

RustyFlange · 12 October 2009 at 2:27PM

If you are his carer then you should be claiming some kind of carers allowance and he should be getting some kind of disability benefit I recommend that you head to your local job centre or CBA as soon as you possibly can to see what you are entitled to. As the previous poster mentioned you would probably be entitled to a crisis loan to buy yourself a new cooker but please scroll down first to see about freecycle in my post

As for christmas, does he understand that it is christmas??

Christmas doesn't have to be expensive, you can make it as cheap or as expensive as you want to.

Why not sit and make things together?? there are so many different ideas on this forum which are cheap and very easy.

Also look in charity shops where you can buy gifts very cheap which can be reused by you.

Register on your local freecycle - https://www.freecycle.org - and ask on there if someone has a cooker that you could have. Explain that yours has broken and that you are in desperate need of a new one. If you have never heard about freecycle it is basically a charity which you can give away your unwanted things to others, I did this when I left my old house, I put everything on there and then people emailed me asking if they could have them. I chose who I wanted to have the item then arranged for them to collect/me to deliver etc! Oh and best of all it is free.

Also check on ebay for things he may well like. You can pick up second hand things at reasonable prices if you are lucky and check things every day!

My daughter was 2 in May. She had loads of presents from me and OH. All of which were bought from ebay. I spent a whole £17 on my daughter for her birthday but when working out the RRP of all of her presents it came for £180. They were all brand new

nervousftb_3 · 12 October 2009 at 2:31PM

christmas can be cheap AND cheerful, and your brother is very lucky to have you! i agree with starting a new family tradition to help make it special, dvd the night before and hot chc sounds lovely. and if you can;t afford many presents, how about making a treasure hunt to find the present(s), to make it into more of an event? you CAN make it happy for yourself and your brother, you don't have to spend a lot of money to make it special. please try to stop worrying about the money side of things and concentrate on just having a fun day.

vikki_louise · 12 October 2009 at 2:32PM

Hi Hob, where do you live? There is a group around London that does christmas hampers for people in situations like yours. Im sorry to hear its going to be a tough christmas for you.

Theres a lot of ideas on here for gifts that can be made for pennies, everything from funny poems to attach to toilet rolls, to "cakes" made from flannels (33p from primark).

Could you discuss with him and come up with some new "traditions" you could both start together, anything from eating chocolate for breakfast to spending the day watching dvds. Im buying sky lanterns for christmas day (£2.95 from play.com plus money back on quidco), you write your wish on it and then set fire and watch it float away, it could be a nice way to finish your day with your wish for the year ahead together? Or is there a place you and your brothr could volunteer? Talking and helping people "worse off" might take the focus off what he has been through and make the day positive.

Take care,

Vikki

jetty · 12 October 2009 at 2:33PM

Hi, i just wanted to recommend freecycle for an oven, i've seen lots of people giving them away on mine, it's worth a try, you might even be able to pick up a few christmas bits on there if you put up a wanted post.

HTH

jemtom · 12 October 2009 at 2:35PM

if your caring for him you should be on carers allowance, you can also apply for a grant. the best thing to do with regards to benefits would be either go online to jobcentre website i did my claim online but maybe you would be better speaking to someone actually at the jobcentre, do you have one near you? they should help with benefits. and as most people on here say you can get some great bargins, ebay, charity shops, doing shopping online.
it sounds like your having a rough time but you will always get through it, even though it does take time and somedays you want to just stay in bed and cry!

hob · 12 October 2009 at 3:09PM

thanks so much for you replys. im not gonna get any cearas alowance as i have requested he gets a spourt worker, they can do so much more then me.even just for things like taking him to see the doctor stuff he wouldnt want his sister to know. plus he need to have more then just me in his life,socialy. i will join up for freecycle now thanks for that. vikki i live in blyth (thats the north east) so no good for me. i am stalking ebay everyday lol. and there are lots of second hand shops i can try for action figgers ect. 'As for christmas, does he understand that it is christmas?? ' he understands gifts and that he should get what he wants im dreading this because have u seen the cost of a xbox game? and he wouldnt just want 1. thinking i might try and convince him retro is better get him a game boy or something....there is a chance that might work. (a chance in hell but still lol) the dvds sound grate and i all ready have lots of christmas ones so no spend there.(i got a bunch last year as gifts!) he dose get all his correct money dvla ect but thats HIS money i couldnt take it off him it has nothing to do with me. maybe he will buy all the xbox games before christmas any way lol.

'Im buying sky lanterns for christmas day (£2.95 from play.com plus money back on quidco), you write your wish on it and then set fire and watch it float away, it could be a nice way to finish your day with your wish for the year ahead together? Or is there a place you and your brothr could volunteer? Talking and helping people "worse off" might take the focus off what he has been through and make the day positive.'
i love the lanters idea thats so sweet and i would like to volunteer but i think it might upset him.

angie_baby · 12 October 2009 at 3:16PM

I kind of agree that his money is his, but if he has no concept of money surley you should at least make sure hes not spending it all on sweets etc. I do also feel that you should get some money towards his share of rent / food etc. If it was only £10 a week it would help you long term - even using that £10 to make sure he has his favourite foods etc.

Im loving the laterns idea too, thinking i might steel that!

Anyway loads of hugs to you.

sharon59 · 12 October 2009 at 3:22PM

My dh and l took my SIL into our home 5yrs ago she is 48 with Downs.Is he getting Income support and Dla because she does and we use it for feeding clothing and her social activities.As for xmas we get her excited by xmas songs on /in car and home.Making decorations is something he might enjoy.
Hope you get oven and have nice roast and play some games-pin tail on donkey is one you can make and have lots of fun!please pm if you need any help/advice -its not an easy job you have taken on!but if your rother is like my SIL-she has brought much love.

negg · 12 October 2009 at 3:30PM

For an oven, why not contact your local kitchen fitters? There will be people near where you live who are getting a lovely new kitchen and the old oven may simply be ripped out and disposed of even though there is nothing wrong with it. There is the possibility that they might let you have someone's old one rather than pay costs to dispose/recycle it, although you may have to pay for it to be fitted.

help this chrismas is going to be sad

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free