Relationship Imploding; Where Do I Stand?

BestServedCold · 6 September 2009 at 12:24PM

I've deleted the original message after advice given from others in this thread about too much info... don't want the 'b'tard' in question to recognise himself if he reads this.

So to cut a long story short - long, long term partner, forgiven for cheating once in the early days. Recently discovered to have been signed up for every sexual encounter social network known to man, advertising himself as single and 'looking' and his email and phone full sexy messages/pics with other women. Hasn't worked in all the time we've been in a relationship, but has done DIY work on the house we share which was paid for by me and is in my name (I've alwasy worked full time and pay everything).

Axe will fall on him shortly but the query was whether he had 'beneficial interest' in the property.

LJM · 6 September 2009 at 12:58PM

it sounds as if you have had a really difficult time and dedicated a huge part of your life to him and he sounds like an a**e i dont think he is entitled to anything by the sounds of it.do you have proof that everything is in your name,if you do i dont think he can touch any or make you give it up and as you are not married i dont think he has rights.can you prove if it does go further about all his cheating etc? if you are really worried about it why not pay the CAB a visit they can let you know where you stand

carolinosourus · 6 September 2009 at 1:00PM

Don't have any advice but didn't just want to read and run. He sounds like an absolute w***er and I'm so sorry that you've wasted time with him. Just a thought, could you contact the council and have his name taken off at your address? I'd send him out to the pub, get the locks changed and dump all his stuff outside... Might take a little longer than the price of 1 pint though.

onetomany · 6 September 2009 at 1:02PM

i would kick him out of the house , if its just in your name sorry i dont no about legal stuff , but i would take the job and leave hi behide hun u can do a lot better than that pig

motorguy · 6 September 2009 at 1:11PM

Firstly, find yourself a GOOD divorce solicitor. Not a cheap one, not an efficient one, not a paper pusher, but a GOOD aggressive divorce solicitor.

THEN go and see them, and let them advise you on the best and most cost effective (in terms of your assets) way to get the !!!!!! out of your life.

You will have people all over the place telling you the best thing to do - friends, relatives, parents, HIM and all sorts of emotional pressure. Stick to what the solicitor advises and keep it FORMAL.

This guy is a waste of skin.

yoni_one · 6 September 2009 at 1:11PM

First of all ((big hug)). I can only begin to imagine how you feel, that level of betrayal is unthinkable.

As I understand it he may register his 'beneficial interest' based on his contribution to home improvemnts and potentially have a claim on the property.

But what you really need is free legal advice and you can get that from Rights of Women, the telephone number is in my signature but the lines are only open between certain hours, full details on the website www.row.org.uk

An info leaflet specifically around this issue can be found here http://www.row.org.uk/pdfs/livingtogether.pdf

I know it may seem of little comfort now, but lots of women have babies over the age of 40.

Best wishes for a future free from being treated like this ever again.

miserly_mum · 6 September 2009 at 1:22PM

I'm no expert but if he hasn't worked since you bought your house then he can't say he's contributed financially to the mortgage. You aren't married and have no kids so I doubt he'd get anything even if he tried.

As for the work he's done. Let HIM try to prove he's done it. Deny it, say you did it yourself or your Dad helped. Unless he has pics or evidence of him actually doing it then it's his word against yours.

Personally i'd rather pay someone to do the remaining work on the house than have a Dirty Skank like him in my home any longer than I had to.....but maybe that's just me?

As another poster so wisely advised.....send him on errand that'll take a couple of hours then turf all his stuff out and get the locks changed.
Arrange for a couple of male friends or family members(preferrably big burly ones) to be there in case he kicks off.

Don't keep any of his personal stuff, even if you paid for them. That will only give him an excuse to come back/get police involved etc etc

Good Luck

BestServedCold · 6 September 2009 at 1:37PM

I've got proof of what he's been up to. I forwarded all the texts to my own phone and forwarded all the emails sent/received to my own account (then covered my tracks by clearing the sent box). I've also got all the logs from the monitoring software going to a hidden email account he doesn't know about.

It's the 'beneficial interest' which worries me and i think i'm going to have to get advice on that because i don't want him making my situation any worse. Especially since, going back in time, I paid to get his house done up so he could sell it and clear his debts!

At the moment the strain is incredable, he's out today and i'm at home doing some of the stuff I do to get some more money in and i know that in a few hours i'm going to have to put on a facade again when he comes back when what i really want to do is tear at him and try to understand WHY he has done this to me. I have always said that if either of us found we wanted someone else we would do the honourable thing and end it amicably...so why is he doing this? I keep throwing up when he's not around because it keeps going round and round in my head that i'm just a cash cow for him...someone who he can toss a few crumbs of sweet talking to who'll then work herself into the ground to keep his life on track. i can't even say his depression is an excuse because i'm beginning to doubt he has it - he's always refused to claim sickness related benefits to help out (perhaps because he'll be assessed???) and he's always shunned the help from doctors (apart from the pills).

I know I need to be strong and keep my wits about me - inside i'm a mess but i'll be damned if he gets the satisfaction of seeing my crumble...i think i've got enough stubborness left inside to walk away head high rather than let him him he's destroyed me.

BestServedCold · 6 September 2009 at 1:42PM

miserly_mum wrote: »

Personally i'd rather pay someone to do the remaining work on the house than have a Dirty Skank like him in my home any longer than I had to.....but maybe that's just me?

So would I, but i just can't afford to pay someone else to do it - every penny coming in is going out and i'd have to increase debt to get someone in. I know it sounds odd, but i'm trying to develop a cold, hard nugget of hate inside that i'm going to need to rely on to watch him finish the work. it's not much more (fixing a flat roof), and should be done in a week - two at the most.

Don't keep any of his personal stuff, even if you paid for them. That will only give him an excuse to come back/get police involved etc etc

Oh he's welcome to everything i've bought him - i'm even thinking of letting him keep the car he uses (bought for by me and in my name) to get him the hell out. perhaps I can use that as a bargaining chip incase he mentions beneficial interest.

BitterAndTwisted · 6 September 2009 at 1:46PM

Get yourself an appointment with a Solicitor TOMORROW so you can put a decent plan together to get this maggot out of your life and your future secured.

I wouldn't be wanting to scream for years, I'd be searching round the house for sharp objects. No, actually that's stupid, blunt ones would be much more painful.

Get yourself off to a DIY store this afternoon to get new barrels ready to change the locks on the doors. Any preparation-steps you can take immediately will give you the confidence to take the power back.

NO QUARTER!

sarymclary · 6 September 2009 at 1:58PM

Stay strong, and remember you are still young, and have the rest of your life ahead of you. Who's to say that in a year or so you haven't met your perfect man, and having a baby after all? There is always the opportunity for a Plan B or C.

If it's any consolation, I have a friend who at your age hadn't met Mr Right, and had donor insemination, arranged through her local hospital. I now have a beautiful goddaughter. My friend still works, but now she's supporting someone she adores, and who adores her back. She says that she is glad in some ways she did it all without a man in her life, because she can devote 100% of herself to her child, and has no distractions, or added pressures to please anyone else.

Relationship Imploding; Where Do I Stand?

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