Please Help Me

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 12:01PM

I don’t know if I am posting this in the right place but I am at my wits end and don’t know where to turn. It’s a long story so please please bear with me. I am really upset but will try to keep this as rational as possible.

My ex (we were together only 6 weeks) loaned me some money. I did not want to borrow this money but he was very insistent that I did and put me under quite a lot of pressure to accept it to pay off a loan that I had. I am not a very confident person and find it hard to say no at the best of times. So to cut it short a bit, he demanded my bank details and I duly gave them and he transferred £2250 into my account. When the cash had transferred, he called me numerous times and pressured me into paying off my loan which I did. He lent the cash and kept saying if I couldn’t afford to lose it I would not have given it to you. He kept saying you need help and you can pay me as and when you have got it, there I no rush… pay off your other debts and then pay me etc etc etc… So I felt under quite a lot of pressure to accept. Massive alarms bells were ringing but as I say… not much confidence.

We split up not long after as I could not cope with his controlling nature… I was close to breakdown just telling him I could not carry on – even though it was only 6 weeks. He got quite abusive and nasty but then he would send me emails to work saying don’t skint yourself; pay me what you can, when you can. I insisted I pay him back as I felt awful that he had lent me money and I needed him to know I would pay him back in small amounts due to other pressing debts.

I set up a standing order and paid £50 in Oct and £50 in Nov. I missed Dec and Jan due to Xmas and also because I missed a loan payment in Dec and wanted to catch that up in Jan. I set up another standing order on 1st Feb to continue and let him know what had happened and that the amount would be reducing as I had done a budget planner. If I continued with £50 a month then that would leave us with £4 for food each week. Yes I am in a horrible mess of my own making and accept full responsibility. I want to pay everything back to all my creditors but still need to feed my daughter and me.

The crux of this message – I received a solictors letter this morning:

“We have been instructed by XXXXXXXX whom we understand loaned you £2250 in Sept 08. We understand this loan was to clear credit card debts (WRONG) which you had. Since that time only 2 payments have been received totalling £100. The total outstanding balance is therefore £2150.

As no payments have been received since Nov, repayments are overdue. Mr XXXXXX requires you pay him £100 by way of standing order within the next 28 days to avoid further action. Subsequant payments of £100 are then payable before the 5th of each month to avoid falling behind with payments.

If payments are not made we reserve the right to inform your employers of an outstanding debt (SEE NOTE AT END OF LETTER CONCERNING THIS COMMENT). Non payment may also result in County Court action (which will also claim solicitor’s costs, court fees and interest on the outstanding amount) which will result in a County Court Judgment against you. As well as poorly affecting your credit rating, judgments can be enforced by a charging order over your property, an order for attachment of earnings or instruction of a court bailiff.

We therefore urge you to make payment.

COMMENT – I work for a bank and if they find out about my financial mess I can be dismissed. He is aware of this and has tried to blackmail before by threatening to tell my bosses.

I can not afford to lose my job as then we lose out home. We are in shared ownership with no equity due to price decrease. I have a staff mortgage which is pennies so need to stay employed by them.

I have kept all texts and emails from him (advice from a friend) him back at a rate I can afford and now he has moved the goal posts on me.

What do I do? If I have to pay £100 a month then we don’t eat and the rest of the bills don’t get paid either? I kept him in the loop and explained why my payment had dropped even though we have never agreed to a set monthly amount before due to his keep saying pay what you can afford.

I can’t stop crying and feel as though I am in a box with the lid nailed down.

Please can someone give me some advice as I don’t know what to do or where to turn anymore.

debtfreein4years · 7 February 2009 at 12:06PM

you sound like you need a big hug so mentally sending you one.

please keep a paper copy of all his emails etc and make sure that you never give up the originals only a copy. if he calls, dont answer but keep a record of him calling etc so that if it does get way to much you can always say stop harrasing me and go the legal route of that. i would have a quiet word with your boss and let them know the score as if you are honest with them then they cant say you tried to hide it and if he is blackmailing you with telling your boss well then you got their first and whatever he says wont be able to hurt you.

please go and see cab and get some proper legal advice as the above is only what i would do in your situation.

gxx

madmalteaser · 7 February 2009 at 12:31PM

Here's another *hug* for you because it definitely sounds like you need it.

I wish I knew how to advise you about this, I'm sure someone who knows a lot more about this will be along shortly to advise you. I would recommend you post up an SOA regarding your other debts though, perhaps if we can help you free up some money elsewhere it might take the pressure off you a bit.

bank_of_slate · 7 February 2009 at 12:36PM

Have you kept the emails that he sent you saying to pay him when you could etc?
...Linda xx

talana · 7 February 2009 at 12:44PM

When he originally loaned you this £2250, was anything put in writing as to what the repayment terms would be?

If there's no agreement in writing, then surely he'd find it very difficult to show that repayments are overdue?

Especially if you have those emails still, as bank_of_slate says.

Edit:
Perhaps write back to the solicitor, and first make it clear that you don't dispute the fact that the loan needs to be repayed. But then invite them to show you any signed or dated written agreement that sets out repayment terms. They won't be able to.
Nothing on paper = no particular agreed terms and therefore you can't be overdue

Pollycat · 7 February 2009 at 1:08PM

Hi
I agree that you need some legal advice.

Some solicitors offer a free half hour consultation, it may be worth ringing round and seeing if you can get an appointment to see where you stand legally.

I hope you can get this sorted out, this guy sounds a pretty nasty piece of work.

From what you say, you are in a bit of a hole financially so please do as madmalteaser suggests and post up your SOA (Statment of Affairs).

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

:coffee: :grouphug:

Debt_Free_Dreamer · 7 February 2009 at 1:43PM

Just wanted to best wishes and ensure your post stays bumped up.

I agree with the comments of others; go and get some proper legal advise and speak to your employers if you can. Are you in a Union? Would they be able to help with regard to speaking to them.

RAS · 7 February 2009 at 2:07PM

Hi

This man is a bully and you do not need to accept this sort of behaviour. He obviously uses loans as a way of controlling his partners and you have my admiration for getting away from him so quickly. Obviously he did this in the full knowledge that you were worried about admitting the dedt to your employer so it gave him more leverage.

Unless there is anything in writing, he can only have what you have available.

You need to speak to either CAB and see they have a tame solicitor or try Community Legal Advice or call 0845 345 4345 which gives free advice at around 100 courts across England and Wales.

With respect to the CCJ, IF he was able to enforce this (and I doubt it) you would only be required to pay what you can afford not what he wants.

Also speak to the debt charities about your situation.

read this link to a thread where a relationship broke down http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1436195. It may be a good idea to pm lemma1968?

My major concern that he is obviously a lose cannon.

I know you work for a bank but there are people on the bankruptcy forum who have gone bankrupt as advised by their bank and still have their jobs.

Can you speak to your union representative and ask them to make an anonymous enquiry from HR?

The other posters who did this were referred to an in-house debt advisor who helped them out.

The only time we have heard of a bank employee losing thier job was when the person went BR and then told his emplyer who were a major creditor.

That would take the rug out from under his feet.

10past6 · 7 February 2009 at 2:20PM

I would seriously, seriously consider contacting this agency, they're experts in this particular field, remember, psychological abuse is no different to physical abuse.

There are people out there willing to help, please give them a chance to help / advise you.

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 6:19PM

debtfreein4years wrote: »

you sound like you need a big hug so mentally sending you one.

please keep a paper copy of all his emails etc and make sure that you never give up the originals only a copy. if he calls, dont answer but keep a record of him calling etc so that if it does get way to much you can always say stop harrasing me and go the legal route of that. i would have a quiet word with your boss and let them know the score as if you are honest with them then they cant say you tried to hide it and if he is blackmailing you with telling your boss well then you got their first and whatever he says wont be able to hurt you.

please go and see cab and get some proper legal advice as the above is only what i would do in your situation.

gxx

I have kept all the texts (400 in total after we finished) and also have the emails saved and also in paper format. I will talk to my boss, I have a one to one scheduled for next week so will bring it up then. Not sure how he will react but if my ex carries out his threat then I will be in the same boat anyway. I will as so many have suggested call a solicitor and see what they can do for me.

Thank you

Icanandwillsavemoney · 7 February 2009 at 6:20PM

madmalteaser wrote: »

Here's another *hug* for you because it definitely sounds like you need it.

I wish I knew how to advise you about this, I'm sure someone who knows a lot more about this will be along shortly to advise you. I would recommend you post up an SOA regarding your other debts though, perhaps if we can help you free up some money elsewhere it might take the pressure off you a bit.

Thank you

I will sit and do my soa tomorrow and see if there is anything that can be done.

Please Help Me

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