oh packed his stuff and left tonight what do i do now?

Loanranger · 3 May 2011 at 1:18AM

Chloo, you are still very young at 19 and your behaviour towards your OH has been immature. You can learn a great deal from this unhappy episode and act better in future towards other people.

First, issuing an ultimatum is never a good idea, you may well not like the answer you get so promise yourself from now on that you won't issue an ultimatum ever again to anyone.

Second, stop being a drama queen. What has happened has happened. Calm down and accept for now that he's gone.

Third, stop phoning and texting everyone you can think of. It's immature. No-one else wants your problems.

I realise I seem harsh and yes I have been through heartbreak several times so know exactly what you are going through at the moment but perhaps one of the reasons he has gone is your immaturity.

Others have given you really good advice about asking for an extension at University. Take the advice, please.

As for those who'll pop up here to say aaah, poor you, isn't he a toerag, have a hug...there's always people who jump on that bandwagon and it doesn't help you. In fact, those people only serve to wind you up further.

You need to dry your eyes, calm down and have a warm milky drink and go to bed.

It will all look a great deal better tomorrow. If it doesn't, then you need to sort out the mess you created and in the process you'll have grown up quite a bit and end up feeling proud of yourself.

Good luck.

chloo · 3 May 2011 at 2:04AM

thank you all for replying im quiet suprised so many of you have read my post.

thank you ems i dont think i can get an extention its due in at two pm very good idea to give him a couple of days to let me know whats going on thank you

thank you pearl i dont want to text him incase it winds him up i thought just to give him some space? you may well be very right about him playing hard to get back. last week in our row it was he wanted a more time to play his online playstation game thingy so i felt very neglected and decided to go to my mums for the night not without telling him so he could spend some time on it. i am really trying with my uni work you just know when you cant concintrate i think by my normal timing i need about an hour but like this maybe around 3!! thank you.

thank you happierdays to come. i cant sublet the flat

and its only a one bed as it is. will defo take meter readings tomorrow good idea thank you. do i just call up and say please start a new bill from blah blah? i think ill give him until thusday and then sudgest meeting at costa or something thank you.

thanks dmg i didnt call his bluff he had started packing already its not like i said get out that was his choice if that makes sense? we have it until mid june but to late to hand in notice so will be mid july now, cant move home as no room and not very practical. happierdays sorted out the utilities for me which is fair as i dont really use much electricity or gas i prefer a duvet to heating and love candles dont watch much tv ect. when he came home he stank of smoke and he doesnt smoke so i was already suspisous but yeah i could of given him space but if your ill or feeling ill doesnt a little cuddle make you feel better? i know it does me.

urmm thanks? cte1111 i didnt go off in a huff above in my comment to pearl i put what happened last week. i didnt say it was the end of the world did i? okay yep thanks ill go and stand in a grow bag and mature. if you know me which you dont you would see im very mature and my friends call me a granny for the way i am.

thanks again pearl

thanks humpry i guess we are quiet different then when ever i have been ill he always gives me a little cuddle and acts like nurse so im guessing the relationships are different that we have been in thank you tho. with regards to sleeping tablets just something to chill me out and make me stop crying (i dont drink or smoke)

marvic you hit the nail on the head! i was worried about him. i know thats what my mum said. i dont know if he had a bad day at work or somethings happend or what but it isnt right. thats exactly what i said to him like 3 hours before this happened hes texting saying he loves me and is really looking forward to cooking this new idea we had for dinner. the only thing i can think of is the row last week which is more like 7-10 days ago but i thought he was way over that. the only other problem is his work keep cutting his hours and hes money worried i have offered him a loan like 1000000 million times tho :S thank you for your reply

loanrandger how do you know im 19? (its like big brother!!) im not going to issue an ultimatium again dont worry! i have just put to dmg what happened i wouldnt really say i issued an ultimatium tho? also i would say im being a drama queen i have a 50% weighted peice of work due in tomorrow that he was ment to check through for me we have commitments together and he just walks out with out explaining anything i think i have a right to be worried? i text his dad as he might of been able to get some sense from oh and if not he would at least know about it and not leave me up shiet creek without a paddle with regards to the flat. again as i said to cte1111 im not immature at all infact far from it! unfortunatly an extention doesnt seem likely :S. i have also been through a heart break but this is totally different as we like together so not only am i dying inside im really scared and angry with regards to the flat and bills.

thank you all for your replys ill pop back in a bit and going to try to do this work just gotta keep battleing through it....... thank you all for reading i really didnt think anyone would.

Loanranger · 3 May 2011 at 2:30AM

At least you seem a lot more calm than when you first posted and that's great.
If you can't get an extension then it's obviously always best to hand something in by the deadline rather than nothing.

You need to prioritise things now and, as you say, keep battling on with the assignment and not worry tonight about the rent/bills etc.
I do hope everything seems a bit brighter tomorrow for you.
Who knows how this will work out for you, but one thing is 100% certain, worrying about it tonight won't change anything.

chloo · 3 May 2011 at 3:10AM

thank you loanranger.

am just trying to get this work done been sat here since 9.30 and its just gone three now i will get this finished!

i am just trying to motivate myelf to do this work. im hoping hes at his mums chilling out playing on his playstation thinking where things have gone wrong or whats upset him and how unfair/odd it is to just walk out and hopefully hes calming down and tomorrow i hope to get a text message saying we need to sort things out.

i dont care if he doesnt want to live together any more but i really dont want to ruin this relationship as i think he is the one and i thought i was the one for him by everything he said and did.

will have to cross that bridge when we get to it but from how he was tonight i wouldnt be suprised if there is a bigger picture would you?

loanranger put your self in his shoes (we are a very lovely dovey huggy talky jokey pair) seriosly would me trying to cuddle you make you blow your fuse so much so you pack up everthing every single thing you own from the flat and storm off back to your mums?

right back to work now

thanks again

ailuro2 · 3 May 2011 at 7:00AM

In your tiredness and rush to get finished please don't forget to use spellcheck, or to get someone who is good at spelling to check your work you're handing in today.

I know that may come across as nasty, but it is written with the best intentions for you.;)

Wilma33 · 3 May 2011 at 8:16AM

chloo wrote: »

we have it until mid june but to late to hand in notice so will be mid july now

Do you have a fixed term contract (e.g for a year) that ends in mid June? If so, you can leave then without any notice, regardless of what your contract says (although it's obviously polite to give as much notice as you can). Post on the renting and buying board if you want to check.

emsbet · 3 May 2011 at 9:48AM

Chloo,

I hope you managed to get your assignment finished ok and I hope that you get things sorted with your OH.

xx

podperson · 3 May 2011 at 10:35AM

Hi Chloo,
I really do feel for you and hope you manage to get your work finished. It sounds like your OH needs some space at the moment and once you get your work out of the way it might be a good idea for you to take a bit as well - spend some time with your friends and on your own a little. Obviously I don't know how your relationship with him was but it sounds like he was perhaps feeling it was a little too full on and was wanting to be able to have some time to himself. Do you both do things on your own or do you tend to hang out together all the time? I love my OH to bits but sometimes I do just need some time to chill out on my own

Also I don't want to criticise but if you do end up working things out then please try and talk to him about things that are bothering you - like him playing on the station - rather then going to your mum's without telling him. I would be very annoyed and upset if someone did that to me and instead of trying to sort things out when you got back you 'played hard to get'. I appreciate that you are young but if you really feel that he is the one (and met my OH at 18) then just think that you don't want to risk something like that by playing silly games. Sorry if that comes across as him being blameless as I'm sure he's not but am just trying to speak from experience x

pigpen · 3 May 2011 at 12:29PM

You told the world your age.. it isn't hard to check posts!

I think you should respect his need for some privacy.. If you had come bugging me when I felt ill I'd have done the same. It isn't a criticise, you may feel it is showing you care but to some people being that full on is incredibly annoying.

I think you should let him be, sort your assignment and see where you are both at in a few days.

And no.. sleeping pills are a stupid idea.. resorting to drugs whenever life gets a tad challenging is not sensible.. ever.. it has been 1 day.. not a month or 3.

give him some space.. and use this experience to mature a bit

abby1234519 · 3 May 2011 at 1:10PM

I agree with the hugs thing, if someone says they need to be left alone it generally is how they feel! If I tell my boyfriend not to touch me as I'll explode (lovely pregnany acid reflux makes me balloon and I swear one touch and I'll go boom) then he doesn't. Because if he does I will snap at him!

Can you ask university for some leeway given the circumstances? If you hand it in a day late will you lose 5% of marks?

oh packed his stuff and left tonight what do i do now?

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