Secrecy On This Board??????

I must say, i have only been on this board for like three days or something and have never felt more welcome anywhere in my life!!! As you can see by the amount of posts I have made, its an indication of how welcome I feel here. i have even had the courage to start my own thread and challenge and have had so much support!!

I do u8nderstand where your coming from though have been in situations like that and it's not nice, it all depends who is online and at what time and all sorts of equations like that.

I just want to express my thanks to everyone on here who has made me one of them in like 3 days!!

I am along time lurker, all time reader and occasional poster and I see where the OP is coming from

This is a really hard question, as part of what is so great about DFW and MSE is the community. It is the long time posters who respond most often to others who start threads - both those who post once and never return... and those who need long term support and eventually start advising others.

However, it can be really difficult to post into what is so obviously a thread between friends - I have often written something and then deleted it before posting. I feel like I know most of the posters because I read the board so much but it is the same as recognising a group of people, buying a drink in the pub and pushing yourself into the group saying "So what we chatting about people?"

I would be surprised if many people recognise my username but I feel like I know them intimately!! I think this is probably a bad thing (from me!!!!) as maybe I should get involved (or essentially not lurk) but it is not easy. I personally can not stand those people who listen in a game of "I have Never" but won't play... I am aware that I am essentially doing that!! [although I don't feel like I lurk - I post when I feel appropriate - I just delete some of them ]

At the end of the day I would rather have all the excellent, supportive, long term DFW there to help everyone and keep on doing what they do best than have them leave. People can NOT be expected to hang out helping people all the time without anything else and I believe this is why there are so many close close friendships which can only be a good thing. I do however see the element of cliquiness and would suggest that - I'll PM you etc does not invite others in. Ultimately it is up to those who keep these boards alive to be the one's who decide how they run - I am sure Martin would want everyone to be as satisfied as possible!

Thank you to anyone who reads this and takes it as it is intended - not a criticism but a comment from someone who has been around a while and loves reading what you are all up to!!

welshgirl78 wrote: »

I would be surprised if many people recognise my username but I feel like I know them intimately!!

You're me

Sou

Hi Harvey

I am grateful you have brought this subject up...I remember how I felt 9 months ago when I first found the DFW boards......first I lurked, then I posted, now I have my own thread!!

I think there are two parts to this discussion and I can think of a couple of things that hasn't really been mentioned yet which I hope will also put your mind at rest about PM'ing on the boards and the attitude/nature of the regulars.

Firstly..why do people PM other posters....the friends/off topic issue has already been discussed here. However, there is also one other reason that really hasn't been brought out clearly.

Many of the people who post on here are in distress, emotional, anxious....and posting very personal information....and not everyone is clear in their communication, especially if they are posting while in distress. Sometimes the info is financial, sometimes it is about disputes with institutions (which may have a legal aspect to it), sometimes it also involves the actions of other people including family and friends....which again may or may not be open to challenge - Legal or otherwise..(as there are always two sides) ....and we have had a few cases on this board when "the other side" becomes aware of the thread with acrimonious/litigious results....people put themselves at risk when they post publicly and may not be aware they are doing so.

Sometimes the person who has posted has given out sensitive information in response to questions from other posters that could leave them open to legal proceedings...they may be unaware of this fact...and ultimately MSE carries the can for anything libellous that is written on the Boards.

Also, as stated at the top, the DFW board is for help and advice...not judgement. Unfortunately there are a few malicious people out there who post with the main intention to cause either disruption or hurt (trolls) to perhaps already vulnerable people whose self esteem is at a very low ebb.

I therefore PM people in situations where, if I were to post publicly, it would either be to draw attention to their potential risk or if the questions I have to ask may mean they have to divulge information that would put them "at risk"..be it from institutions, family and friends, solicitors or "trolls".

To give a (very simple) example: if someone posts information about their personal cirumstances that could leave them open to paying more council tax than they already do, I am not going to draw attention to that fact publicly. I will PM them.

Secondly, the issue of posting publicly to another poster "I have PM'd you". Again I think this has been discussed but not in it's entirety.

You cannot post or PM unless you are logged in. If you are logged in your light shows green and everyone can see you are on line.

I for one have not set my computer to keep me logged into MSE all the time I am on the website. Therefore I time out after about 10 mins so my light is off even though I am still on the Boards..like now while I am writing this post...(which I have to say has taken me an hour so far!!) This is the same for many others hence if their light is off, we may post and say "I have PM'd you" because they will not get notification unless they are logged in and although their light is off, we think they might still be on-line and reading the thread.

Also, minor point, and please don;t get worried: very infrequesntly, some of us regulars do not want people to know we are on-line. As with any other public internet forum some of us have experienced stalkers etc and have to be careful sometimes (that is also sometimes why we go to MSN rather than log in again to either PM or post publicly) .....

I do have the user CP setting set to notify me of PM's ....but if I am not logged in to get an immediate notification...then I get an email sent to my internet account......but there is at least a 10 minute delay before it hits my Outlook Inbox.

Hopefully this will set your mind at rest...any secrecy is purely for the protection of both ourselves and the poster.....certain information has to remain confidential. The rest of the time it's because it's "friend to friend" /off topic/boring to the other posters/not relevant to the thread.

Please do not feel there are cliques........most of the regulars on here (who let's face it are in the same boat as everyone else, have their own emotions, ups and downs, and require their own support etc from time to time but might not want to post publicly in front of new posters) are quick to pick up on new posters and spend a great deal of their time going through the Board threads to make sure any new poster gets at least one reply before the end of the night, as it is important to them that new posters know there is support and help available. If some have been missed recently, it is because there has been a sudden enormous amount of new posters in the last few weeks and holiday season is upon us so numbers of regulars are depleted. If a poster has been ignored in the middle of one of the chat threads....it could be also for other reasons (I can think of at least one case this week where the poster was PM'd by at least 3 people and encouraged to start their own thread specific to their issue, rather than replied to publicly on a chat thread where the focus is on ....well...chat, banter, light relief....these types of threads are not really geared for focusing on the nitty gritty details of a particular issue or problem!!).

I am however concerned that you have noticed someone has been ignored. So (and please understand this is not trying to "prove a point") ....here is an example of why we PM...please PM me the thread or person if you can....especially if they haven't received a proper reply as this needs to be rectified. I'm sure you understand why I am asking you to PM me.... I do not think it is fair to publicly draw attention to a particular poster and their issues(especially without their permission) for a completely different purpose/reason than what they originally intended.

Please keep coming back....if you're around and about at night then the NightOwls thread will certainly welcome you........Your observations and the resulting discussion are extremeley valuable and I hope will encourage new posters.

With best wishes (and hugs)
Wol2
xx

Merlot wrote: »

Excellent Post:T

Thanks Merlot

:grouphug:

And spooky...aside from a couple of others, it was your posts while I was a lurker that influenced me to "get stuck in".

Thank you :beer:

Wol2
xxx