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Co-own a house with my ex-gf - 'moving new gf in' questions
jamint
Posts: 30 Forumite
Hi all, slightly unusual situation so please bear with me!
Me and my ex g/f (together 12 years) bought a house together 5 years ago. We split up 2 years ago and she moved out at this time and into a house with her new partner (whilst she didn't "cheat" on me, she definitely "set the ground work" until I overheard a questionable conversation with him one morning).
Despite this we kept on good terms (I know, sounds crazy, but at the time I found out about the 'affair' I was ready to tell her I wanted out, so it sort of suited me, especially as it turned out I would stay in the house). She agreed at this point to pay half the mortgage and I'd pay the other half. We are both paying around £280 each, the mortgage being £560. This has continued for the past 2 years.
I'm now at the stage where I want to move my new g/f into the house, living in the main bedroom with me of course, and out of courtesy I told this to my ex. She has now turned around and asked for my current g/f to pay her £350 a month, citing rental conditions and her feeling like she'd be "subsidising" my current g/fs living conditions if she were to move in.
My current g/f is not happy with the suggested amount - not only because emotionally she is wrangling with the idea of moving in to my old house anyway, but it's a lot of money (as she currently lives in a family home nearby, rent free - some people eh!?) but it's also that it is more than the mortgage she is paying. We would rent elsewhere but it would literally add around £1200 to our joint expenditure.
Effectively, we feel she's asking too much. Because me and my ex are on good terms I have tried arguing the case that this is more than the mortgage, and whether we could agree on something a little lower. She has so far said this is not enough - she has her own rental costs to pay, and that all her friends and family believe she should be asking for way more - up to the rental value (which, for the house, is £950 a month).
Apologies again for the lengthy backstory but it is all relevant I feel. I am now at the point where legally I'm not sure where I stand, or whether to force the issue.
You are probably all wondering why we didn't sell the house at the time of split - this was mainly because we live near the Crossrail development so knew house prices would increase, so selling up didn't make sense, and that at the time I was happy to remain in the house whereas my ex g/f didn't.
Most of the advice I've had is "sell up" which is all well and good (and I do see benefits to) but due to Crossrail not having arrived yet we were happy waiting for another year, before this scenario reared its ugly head. I could really do with some advice apart from people suggesting this, if or where possible. Even advice to if you think I'm being reasonable/unreasonable. Many thanks
Me and my ex g/f (together 12 years) bought a house together 5 years ago. We split up 2 years ago and she moved out at this time and into a house with her new partner (whilst she didn't "cheat" on me, she definitely "set the ground work" until I overheard a questionable conversation with him one morning).
Despite this we kept on good terms (I know, sounds crazy, but at the time I found out about the 'affair' I was ready to tell her I wanted out, so it sort of suited me, especially as it turned out I would stay in the house). She agreed at this point to pay half the mortgage and I'd pay the other half. We are both paying around £280 each, the mortgage being £560. This has continued for the past 2 years.
I'm now at the stage where I want to move my new g/f into the house, living in the main bedroom with me of course, and out of courtesy I told this to my ex. She has now turned around and asked for my current g/f to pay her £350 a month, citing rental conditions and her feeling like she'd be "subsidising" my current g/fs living conditions if she were to move in.
My current g/f is not happy with the suggested amount - not only because emotionally she is wrangling with the idea of moving in to my old house anyway, but it's a lot of money (as she currently lives in a family home nearby, rent free - some people eh!?) but it's also that it is more than the mortgage she is paying. We would rent elsewhere but it would literally add around £1200 to our joint expenditure.
Effectively, we feel she's asking too much. Because me and my ex are on good terms I have tried arguing the case that this is more than the mortgage, and whether we could agree on something a little lower. She has so far said this is not enough - she has her own rental costs to pay, and that all her friends and family believe she should be asking for way more - up to the rental value (which, for the house, is £950 a month).
Apologies again for the lengthy backstory but it is all relevant I feel. I am now at the point where legally I'm not sure where I stand, or whether to force the issue.
You are probably all wondering why we didn't sell the house at the time of split - this was mainly because we live near the Crossrail development so knew house prices would increase, so selling up didn't make sense, and that at the time I was happy to remain in the house whereas my ex g/f didn't.
Most of the advice I've had is "sell up" which is all well and good (and I do see benefits to) but due to Crossrail not having arrived yet we were happy waiting for another year, before this scenario reared its ugly head. I could really do with some advice apart from people suggesting this, if or where possible. Even advice to if you think I'm being reasonable/unreasonable. Many thanks
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Comments
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How much would she be charged if she was a lodger elsewhere? I suspect it would be a lot more.
I don't see how your ex would be subsidising your current partner if she pays less. Unless your ex is also paying bills and repairs as well?
Why don't you gin the middle and say £315?
Like you've had, the advice is to sell up. I am in agreement with that. The arguments have started before your current partner has moved in, it's only going to get worse.0 -
Sounds messy! I find it amazing that your ex continued to pay for a house she wasn't living in?! I don't know anyone who would do that! I hope you know that if she changed her mind she could just move back in one day and you would be powerless to do anything about it!!
Definitely sell up. You should have sold a long time ago in my opinion. Then you and your new gf can either rent together or buy together with no complications and no emotional fuss
Sometimes money isn't everything.
Good luck!0 -
Ultimately this is something you'll have to agree on - no matter what we say ...
As she owns half the house and is paying for half of it, she could, say, get her own "house share" person in there at a higher rate.....
You can't see the amount she pays to the mortgage each month as being all your new gf should have to pay to move in, that'd be unfair to your ex.
I think the £350 is perfectly reasonable and "fair" in the circumstances, she's not appeared to be greedy at all ... and she is taking on a certain amount of "risk" with the half house she owns by saying yes to your new preferred agreement.
As you say, if you moved out it'd cost you and your new gf a lot more to rent. As your ex's friends point out, she could ask for a LOT more.
On balance, I'd suggest that £350 is the correct and very very fair amount your new gf should contribute. And you should take the stance of "thanking your ex for being so reasonable over this awkward change to your needs and lifestyle".0 -
Sounds messy! I find it amazing that your ex continued to pay for a house she wasn't living in?! I don't know anyone who would do that! I hope you know that if she changed her mind she could just move back in one day and you would be powerless to do anything about it!!
I'm guessing it's because, as the OP has said, once Crossrail opens their house price would dramatically increase.
OP - could your ex be protecting her position by asking for the rent in the sense of preventing your gf seeking a claim on the house in the future?
Of course you could always call her bluff and suggest selling the house now.0 -
Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it.
Not selling up so as to capitalise on potential rising prices but also to move your new gf in and have her pay a less than market rate of rent.
This whole scenario is a disaster waiting to happen and the money you might make on the rising property price will not be worth the grief it is causing/will cause you.
By all means move your gf in, but 350 a month is a fair amount and I would be getting it on the market and talking with your ex to try and agree what proportions of the proceeds you should each keep (since you've both been paying equally but only you receiving the benefit of a roof over your head).0 -
Do you need to live with your girlfriend now? She doesn't seem particularly happy about living in the home you shared with your ex and I'm not surprised at that really. Couldn't you hold off until you've sold the property you own with your ex?
Certainly you are free to move your girlfriend into the property but as your ex jointly is a joint owner she has just as much right to occupy the property as you do so she might move back in if she is paying rent elsewhere and feels as if she is subsidising you and your current squeeze.0 -
Sell it. It's the least worst of your options.0
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I think you need to stop seeing it as an investment and sell. You will have made enough on it with the mere mention of Crossrail. If you're that into your GF, maybe think about buying together in the same area (if you think it's really going to shoot up in price still).
Or buy alone if you can afford it and maybe have her move in.
It will start to get messy - you have no reason to still be in touch with the ex (presumably), and this will just cause grief in the long run for every party.
Is there a little bit of you (or her) who doesn't want to totally be cut out of the other's life? It's a long time to be with someone and hard to think you'll never have a reason to keep in touch or see each other again.2024 wins: *must start comping again!*0 -
Get new g/f to buy out ex g/f? Cleans it all up:A Goddess :A0
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OP, as this whole situation has been engineered for financial gain, why would you not expect your Ex to get the highest return that she can?0
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