Co-own a house with my ex-gf - 'moving new gf in' questions

19lottie82

Of course your new GF should pay. Why should your ex pay for a house she’s not living in while your new GF gets to live there for free?

pinkshoes

I had a similar situation.

Ex stayed in our flat as he didn't want to leave, and I moved out.

We agreed that he would rent the flat from us but at a low rate. That way he was free to live with whoever he liked.

The market rental was £850 so we agreed £650 monthly rental.

This £650 was paid towards the mortgage then we both paid half the shortfall of £100 each.

He had a lodger that paid him £400 a month!

You have done well not paying any rent on your exes half for two years, so her request is reasonable.

Stop mentioning politely about selling. Put it in writing to her and say you would like to sell, and would she like to but out your half.

Red-Squirrel_2

You really are going to have to sell it. Use your half of the equity for a deposit on something in the same area if you're stuck on the crossrail thing.

thelem

I assume you can't afford to buy your ex out?

When does your branch of Crossrail open? The first new services start in December, which isn't very far away on house move timescales.

jamint

Regarding selling, I'm open to it, and have always thought as much that when the time comes we'll just do it. I'm not driving wanting to, I've just wanted to always make sure that when my ex is ready to do so we will do - she is after all the one not benefiting from it. But she apparently hasn't wanted to yet. Which has suited us fine. Or at least it did until me and my current g/f had "the chat" where the next step probably should happen soon.

I have no intention anymore of buying my ex out. I ummed and ahhed about the idea back at the start of this year, but I think staying in the house long term wouldn't be best idea. A year here with my current g/f would be perfect timescale though, hence how we got in this situation.

If I'm being honest, I'm not that fussed about waiting for Crossrail (due May 2019 in my area), as I said though, my ex was originally, hence the current situation being how it has been. She was happy to chip away at the mortgage whilst I was happy to stay living alone in the house. Then things progressed with separate partners and we are at where we are now.

es5595 wrote: »

I think the issue here is the current gf, and in her shoes I might feel exactly the same way.

Living with parents is great, but shes prepared to move in with you. Shes probably prepared to split the bills, since she'll now be using half. Youve mentioned looking at a new home together and going halves so she sounds prepared to pay her way.

However, its now proposed that to move in with you, shes got to pay £350 a month to your previous gf, and thats where shes baulking, and I dont really blame her. Its a psychological issue as opposed to a financial one, and one most would have an issue with.

I would refuse point blank to move in with a partner if it meant paying £ to their ex, regardless of how correct and financially right it was on paper.

This is absolutely spot on. Literally nailed the situation down to a tee. My current gf is very happy to contribute, but it's the fact the £ would go to my ex (who she is suspicious she still has feelings for me anyway, due to her house generosity) that is the sticking point. Well, that and that she says the £350 is too much, but maybe it's primarily the former point TBH.

As I said earlier on, I'll be seeing my g/f later tonight and we'll be discussing our options, so we'll see what comes of that. If I was a betting man, I'd expect her to say me and my ex should sell it and then we could move in privately together somewhere, which I'm open to. I'll see though. I would still prefer us to move into the current house if we can all come to some kind of agreement. It would allow us to save more £ to buy somewhere in a year, my ex would be happy because it'll take us up to Crossrail, and it'd save stressful/expensive moving. It would only be temporary anyway - around a year, basically "renting" to see that we don't drive each other insane (:D) before we'd buy together.

If, as es5595 alludes to above, the emotional side is as much of a barrier as it appears, then selling up now and renting privately might be our best option. Obviously in lieu of the past 2 years, I would negotiate timescales with my ex g/f that suits us both, if this were to happen.

19lottie82

Why does your GF think £350 is too much, when it’s less than the market rental rate? She’s getting a bargain and is cutting her nose off to spite her face by refusing it.

Whether she likes it or not, your ex owns half the house, so to her she is a lodger and needs to pay for the privilege of living in her house.

If you and your ex are amicable enough I would say it makes financial sense to wait another year then sell, if it’s going to make both of you a decent profit.

If our GF isn’t happy to pay the £350 rent then I would suggest to her that you continue to live apart then once the house is on the market in a year you can start planning to move in together, to a new property.

I wouldn’t be prepared to throw the opportunity of a decent profit away just now by selling, just because your GF is stamping her feet at the though of paying (a reasonable) rent to your ex every month.

19lottie82

Perhaps tell your GF that your ex has said that if gf isn!!!8217;t willing to pay the £350 a month then the ex will move back in to save some cash....... I imagine that will change her mind very quickly!

iammumtoone

I see this differently to others I think the OP is right in his thinking.

He is enjoying cheap housing for the area his new gf would also be benefiting from that. Rather than seeing it as OP paying 280 and gf pays 350. Look at as if they both pay 315. OP you will have to start paying a bit more but still cheaper than private rent.

At the end of it the OP walks away with more for the house than if they sold now which will also benefit the gf as OP will have more money to invest in their new house.

Also has the benefit (for both sides) of seeing if they get on without either of them being in this situation of having to sell another jointing owned home if it doesn't work out.

Its a business transaction and a very good one. I am not sure why the need to get this all confused with emotions. The OP clearly has moved on from his ex. If or course in 5 years they are still in the same house that would be the time to start questioning why OP is still tied to his ex but not at this stage especially when as a couple they stand to save and make 1000s with this arrangement.

Kathy535

Would a rephrasing help? Your girlfriend pays you toward the mortgage, you pay your ex an increased amount to account for the fact that there are two people living in the house with two wages.

jamint

Hi all,

Thought after the useful advice you might all want an update: eventually my current g/f got her head around the situation and has accepted the amount my ex had suggested, which as most of you say, was a good deal all around. My ex revealed she is pregnant which explains a bit her reluctance to look at a sale anytime soon! Even still it's a tricky situation with financials and emotions rolling around for everyone but a good ending all round. We've also agreed that the house will be sold within a year, as each of us aim to buy a house with our respective new partners, so will need the equity in the current place. Phew!!! Let's hope we don't all have any awkward meetings in any open house viewings this time next year then...

Cheers again all for your advice/thoughts.