Different Spends on Adult and Young Children for Birthdays and Xmas - opinions?
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I think it is totally dependent on your financial circumstances as to how this is done. Both our daughters are adults now, one is married with her own child but gifts to them now are substantially larger and usually in form of money towards home improvements, cars, weddings, grandchild etc. We could spend anything from £100 to £2000 on birthdays though and same for Christmas depending on what else had been gifted through the year for specific items and our financial circumstances. However we are much better off financially now than we were when they were growing up and our outgoings are less now they are no longer financially dependent on us.
I think as you are looking to reduce your financial outgoings it is fair to say to the elder child that you will be reducing your budget for them as they are now an adult. I would say that your budget for Christmas is quite high for children especially and we do not spend £325 each on our 2 now adult children as a general rule so you are justified in reducing that to a more manageable £100 each.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.0 -
Homeownertobe wrote: »Is your husband the father of all three or just the youngest two? I think I know the answer from your answers.
He is the father to the youngest two. However, he always treats them the same.0 -
enthusiasticsaver wrote: »I think it is totally dependent on your financial circumstances as to how this is done. Both our daughters are adults now, one is married with her own child but gifts to them now are substantially larger and usually in form of money towards home improvements, cars, weddings, grandchild etc. We could spend anything from £100 to £2000 on birthdays though and same for Christmas depending on what else had been gifted through the year for specific items and our financial circumstances. However we are much better off financially now than we were when they were growing up and our outgoings are less now they are no longer financially dependent on us.
I think as you are looking to reduce your financial outgoings it is fair to say to the elder child that you will be reducing your budget for them as they are now an adult. I would say that your budget for Christmas is quite high for children especially and we do not spend £325 each on our 2 now adult children as a general rule so you are justified in reducing that to a more manageable £100 each.
I agree that our budget is high for the kids and I can honestly (and disappointedly) say that it isn't value for money because they hardly play with half the stuff they get. My in laws do the same for us with monetary gifts when they can as they are in a very good financial position. This isn't something we can do for the eldest at present though, although I would like to think that we will be able to do it in the future. That won't happen if we continue to spend ridiculous amounts on tat for Christmas though. I reaaaallly wish I could get hubby on board with that side of things. Maybe I will just be forceful and insist. And to be fair, if I don't qualify for any disability assistance, then he won't have much choice! Or I will fib when I tell him how much things cost, so he thinks we have spent more than we have
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Anoneemoose wrote: »One of the reasons we are (well, I am) wanting to reduce overall, is because I am currently on the last of ssp and am unlikely to return to work at all due to ill health. It is extremely difficult to get any form of help, so I want to work on worst case scenario.
I have tried to talk to hubby about this on numerous occasions and he says things like "well they (smaller ones) expect it now"..(as in the huge amount of presents).
Well, he's going to have to change that attitude, unless he's happy for the family to get into debt! When financial circumstances change, how much you spend and how you spend it has to change.
He reckons our budget won't stretch and we'll be destitute once my income disappears. This is not true at all.
And yet he doesn't want to make easy savings?
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That really does seem like a huge amount to be spending on presents, especially the Christmas budget. If you're trying to cut back then I'd suggest reducing the amount you spend on all of them, not just the eldest.Anoneemoose wrote: »At present we spend £325 each on Christmas and £100 on birthdays, as well as £120 ish for a party each for the smaller 2. The eldest had this as well when he was younger, of course.
I mean that's £650 on a pile of toys for your youngest two, on top of presents from their grandparents, I doubt they even remember half of what they get and it's not going to benefit them in the long run.0 -
I know lots of people stop giving presents or give cheaper ones to nephews and nieces when they grow up but it seem a very strange attitude to take with your own children.
Would you also give a smaller (cheaper) present to your husband or wife because they're an adult?0 -
fairy_lights wrote: »That really does seem like a huge amount to be spending on presents, especially the Christmas budget. If you're trying to cut back then I'd suggest reducing the amount you spend on all of them, not just the eldest.
I mean that's £650 on a pile of toys for your youngest two, on top of presents from their grandparents, I doubt they even remember half of what they get and it's not going to benefit them in the long run.
I totally agree with you here. This is another one of the main reasons I want to reduce the amounts as well. At present, the younger 2 have no concept of saving and value for money. As I say the in laws (particularly MIL) spoil them and I suppose they just do not appreciate anything. I don't mean that they act like spoilt brats or anything (they don't), they just aren't surprised or overly excited when they get stuff (well, not for more than 5 minutes or so).
I remember being on my own with my eldest and for his 3rd Christmas I spent £30, and I struggled with that. I got him one of those ELC easels, loads of paints, paper, crayons and some sweets...he was over the moon!!!0 -
missbiggles1 wrote: »I know lots of people stop giving presents or give cheaper ones to nephews and nieces when they grow up but it seem a very strange attitude to take with your own children.
Would you also give a smaller (cheaper) present to your husband or wife because they're an adult?
Well, we don't spend the same amount as on the kids anyway so that point isn't really valid, added to the fact that I have only known OH as an adult. I understand everybodies views will be different, but it has been the norm in both of our families that you get less spent on you for gifts once you reach adulthood. From what I can gather, this is not uncommon either.0 -
Anoneemoose wrote: »I reaaaallly wish I could get hubby on board with that side of things. Maybe I will just be forceful and insist. And to be fair, if I don't qualify for any disability assistance, then he won't have much choice!
Would it help if he saw it all down in black and white?
Do a SOA and see where your money is going.
Keep a spending diary for a few months, noting where every penny goes.
Transfer it onto a spreadsheet and see just how much is being spent where.
If the children are getting loads of toys from relatives, it might be better to spend money on clubs or going out and creating memories which will last a lifetime.0 -
Would it help if he saw it all down in black and white?
Do a SOA and see where your money is going.
Keep a spending diary for a few months, noting where every penny goes.
Transfer it onto a spreadsheet and see just how much is being spent where.
If the children are getting loads of toys from relatives, it might be better to spend money on clubs or going out and creating memories which will last a lifetime.
We used to fill in a spread sheet app type thing together on our phones that linked up to each other, but his stopped working properly, so it is left to me to update it all. They go to swimming lessons and daughter goes to Brownies, but maybe I will rethink the whole thing. He has a generic spends spreadsheet on our laptop, which he has the larger spends amounts recorded on, and this is why he thinks we'll be poor...I think as he doesn't have a lot to do with the day to day spends (although he does do the whole checking for cheapest deals on utilities, tv, mortgage etc), I will just take it upon myself to sort this out!
We do go out, but as I have ME and Fibromyalgia, we can't always do fantastically exciting stuff.0
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