Different Spends on Adult and Young Children for Birthdays and Xmas - opinions?

theoretica

I can quite see that if the kids are used to loads of parcels and expensive things then going straight to only a book and a candy cane could be disappointing, at whatever age. But with well chosen gifts, and plenty of wrapping paper the younger ones are certainly not going to notice a scaling back.

For all ages you can also do a lot presenting as gifts things that you would have got them anyway. Do you pay for the eldest to be on car insurance or come on holiday with you for instance?

Anoneemoose

theoretica wrote: »

I can quite see that if the kids are used to loads of parcels and expensive things then going straight to only a book and a candy cane could be disappointing, at whatever age. But with well chosen gifts, and plenty of wrapping paper the younger ones are certainly not going to notice a scaling back.

For all ages you can also do a lot presenting as gifts things that you would have got them anyway. Do you pay for the eldest to be on car insurance or come on holiday with you for instance?

Yes, this is what I am thinking. We don't pay for insurance or anything, he hasn't got his licence yet. We used to pay for his phone for him and give him the odd £20 here and there, but we have only recently had an increase in income with hubby's promotion and then this will obviously change when my ssp runs out.

Lunar_Eclipse

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Thanks for all of your input.

At present we spend £325 each on Christmas and £100 on birthdays, as well as £120 ish for a party each for the smaller 2. The eldest had this as well when he was younger, of course. I honestly think this is far too much on Christmas presents, but my hubby believes in buying as much as he can so they have a massive pile of toys (crap).

I can't help but wonder if your husband grew up in relative poverty, so is trying to over compensate in being lavish. Talk to him about it and discuss how it is such a waste of money buying more things that go unused, which does not make him a better parent or the children happier (in fact the opposite is true.)

I'd be tempted to go for a compromise. Cut the budget to £100 each for Christmas. That is still loads for the younger two! I would be very surprised if they noticed. And do not make any apologies or even forewarning. I can only imagine you'll be thankful longer term.

I say this assuming your household income is not in the highest tax bracket (six figures.) If it is, then perhaps the spending is "appropriate". Our income is high, but £300 on a huge pile of toys would absolutely be out of the question. Got to keep it real; the next generation are going to really struggle to get on the housing ladder and pay off student debt from uni when that time comes. No point over indulging when they have it so good already with luxurious basics.

Good luck with hubbie!

Anoneemoose

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I can't help but wonder if your husband grew up in relative poverty, so is trying to over compensate in being lavish. Talk to him about it and discuss how it is such a waste of money buying more things that go unused, which does not make him a better parent or the children happier (in fact the opposite is true.)

I'd be tempted to go for a compromise. Cut the budget to £100 each for Christmas. That is still loads for the younger two! I would be very surprised if they noticed. And do not make any apologies or even forewarning. I can only imagine you'll be thankful longer term.

I say this assuming your household income is not in the highest tax bracket (six figures.) If it is, then perhaps the spending is "appropriate". Our income is high, but £300 on a huge pile of toys would absolutely be out of the question. Got to keep it real; the next generation are going to really struggle to get on the housing ladder and pay off student debt from uni when that time comes. No point over indulging when they have it so good already with luxurious basics.

Good luck with hubbie!

Thanks again. I don't think hubby was necessarily brought up in poverty as such, but I see where you're coming from. Things were a lot tighter back then, for definite, but I think he had the same type of affair - lots and lots at Christmas etc.

And no, definitely not in the highest tax bracket - only just in the second one!! I totally agree about the future, I just think it would go a long way for them to learn about the value of things, not in a 'harsh' way, as in everything will change and they're getting nothing, sort of thing! More like not getting that much that they don't know what to do with it, like you suggest.

I think we will scale back, on all 3 of them, but I always try to make the most of what we get them too, and as I am not going back to work I can make it my mission to hunt down the best value for money gifts.

I do really appreciate everyone's opinions and it has been most helpful.

Mojisola

Anoneemoose wrote: »

We do go out, but as I have ME and Fibromyalgia, we can't always do fantastically exciting stuff.

Sorry to hear this - wouldn't wish either on anybody.

There's quite a few people with ME and Fibro on this site - we can't get out much so live something of a virtual life.

Homeownertobe

Anoneemoose wrote: »

He is the father to the youngest two. However, he always treats them the same.

That's not really tallying with what you've written on this thread.

I would be very surprised if he treats the youngest two in the way he's suggesting you treat your son when they reach this age.

It seems to me like he wants to find an excuse to indulge his children and finding a way to rub it into your son's nose.

Anoneemoose

Homeownertobe wrote: »

That's not really tallying with what you've written on this thread.

I would be very surprised if he treats the youngest two in the way he's suggesting you treat your son when they reach this age.

It seems to me like he wants to find an excuse to indulge his children and finding a way to rub it into your son's nose.

You couldn't be more wrong. We both come from families where we have had a reduction in spends for pocket monies/xmas/birthdays etx as we have gotten older. He believes in spending lots on the younger 2 because they are young and still believe in the magic of Father Christmas. We have been together since my eldest was 8 and he was exactly the same with my eldest at that age.

In fact, it was me who brought the subject up of whether we should reduce the spends on the eldest, not him. I haven't actually said how we will implement the whole thing, except that we will have to shave the budgets for all of the children to start with.

Anoneemoose

Mojisola wrote: »

Sorry to hear this - wouldn't wish either on anybody.

There's quite a few people with ME and Fibro on this site - we can't get out much so live something of a virtual life.

I know the feeling! I do have a few good friends in 'real life', but a lot of my friends are in support groups I have found online, who all know 'what it's like'. I'm sorry to hear you suffer too.

mark5

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I can't help but wonder if your husband grew up in relative poverty, so is trying to over compensate in being lavish. Talk to him about it and discuss how it is such a waste of money buying more things that go unused, which does not make him a better parent or the children happier (in fact the opposite is true.)

I'd be tempted to go for a compromise. Cut the budget to £100 each for Christmas. That is still loads for the younger two! I would be very surprised if they noticed. And do not make any apologies or even forewarning. I can only imagine you'll be thankful longer term.

I say this assuming your household income is not in the highest tax bracket (six figures.) If it is, then perhaps the spending is "appropriate". Our income is high, but £300 on a huge pile of toys would absolutely be out of the question. Got to keep it real; the next generation are going to really struggle to get on the housing ladder and pay off student debt from uni when that time comes. No point over indulging when they have it so good already with luxurious basics.

Good luck with hubbie!

I wouldn't call that lavish, I'm not sure what the household income is though.

Jagraf

Where does the age thing end? I'm wondering whether less should be spent on my mother in law at Christmas than my mother