Whats fair?/ splitting finances
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Just throwing this into the mix - if, in years to come, you're still not married to your girlfriend, your income will still be taken into account for any student support should her children want to go to uni.
At that point do you support them or do they get penalised twice?0 -
gettingtheresometime wrote: »Just throwing this into the mix - if, in years to come, you're still not married to your girlfriend, your income will still be taken into account for any student support should her children want to go to uni.
At that point do you support them or do they get penalised twice?
So you're advocating supporting his girlfriends kids through university? Whose going to support his kids? His ex's current partner?
What does the father of his girlfriends kids do in all this?
I don't think anyone should be taking benefits into account for any relationship decisions. If the slc wants to factor in your mums lover's income for means testing purposes then that their mistake. Doesn't mean you get yourself into a 1 way relationship with someone.0 -
Firstly - Being on the same page financially I feel is very important in the relationship. The fact that she is basically saying she is happy for you to work full-time and pay for her kids/lifestyle is a major red flag. I personally, would end the relationship because I wouldn't date someone who had this POV in the first place.
That said, I understand it's not that simple.
I would perhaps come to a compromise where you may pay a little more just so that she is not left 'scraping the barrel' I would take into consideration how much she has left over at the end of the month in her current situation and how much she would have left if she came to live with you. For example if moving in with you makes her -100 difference per month, I would perhaps consider subsidising that 100 or so...I would not let someone just take a chunk of my wages 'just cause' and leave myself short however.
I do agree with shared finances, but this normally works so so well when you meet and do the whole move in have kids together etc. If you already have kids from separate relationships, and at this stage of your life have separate lifes / financial assets....then that is something you've built up yourself over a long period of time and no one is entitled to half of that unless you so choose in future to get married and/or make that commitment out of your own choice.
Just no.People don't know what they want until you show them.0 -
Kayalana99 wrote: »Firstly - Being on the same page financially I feel is very important in the relationship. The fact that she is basically saying she is happy for you to work full-time and pay for her kids/lifestyle is a major red flag. I personally, would end the relationship because I wouldn't date someone who had this POV in the first place.
That said, I understand it's not that simple.
I would perhaps come to a compromise where you may pay a little more just so that she is not left 'scraping the barrel' I would take into consideration how much she has left over at the end of the month in her current situation and how much she would have left if she came to live with you. For example if moving in with you makes her -100 difference per month, I would perhaps consider subsidising that 100 or so...I would not let someone just take a chunk of my wages 'just cause' and leave myself short however.
I do agree with shared finances, but this normally works so so well when you meet and do the whole move in have kids together etc. If you already have kids from separate relationships, and at this stage of your life have separate lifes / financial assets....then that is something you've built up yourself over a long period of time and no one is entitled to half of that unless you so choose in future to get married and/or make that commitment out of your own choice.
Just no.
I'm not saying it's simple but if OP's girlfriend was in a job that was worthwhile but poorly paid (like carer) then I'd probably be sympathetic. Instead, he's explained that she's become accustomed to work part time with the tax payer funding that lifestyle. Because she'll lose benefits if OP moves him, she wants him to make up the shortfall while he works all hours and she continues part time.0 -
Just to update you i’ve basically told her I don't want to move in together at the moment, she’s not to happy about it but we’re still together.
I always had joint finances with my ex wife but it’s difficult when you have responsibilities outside your current relationship which I do at the moment.
I basically see it as her working part time is to her and her children’s benefit but of no benefit to my children or myself yet we would suffer financially from the arrangement she’s suggested.1 -
that sounds wise to me.2021 GC £1365.71/ £24000
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I think you've made the right choice for now.
Maybe I've missed it but the one thing I'm not sure has been touched on is whether you rent your home or own it with a mortgage. There is an argument here that you would be best placed to cover the cost of the mortgage fully or at least the capital repayment element to ensure your partner has no beneficial claim on your property if you were to split. Yes you end up paying more per month but probably worth it for protection and peace of mind.
If you stay together this issue will no doubt come up again. For future discussions crunch the numbers for the various options. I can't help thinking that you're currently meeting all the costs of running a home from your £2,100 a month. Some of your household costs will increase if you were to live together but they certainly won't double, so I don't quite understand why you'd be so significantly worse off even using a shared pot system, hence the suggestion to fully crunch the numbers. If you do revisit this again, I'd certainly insist that the option of the 'shared pot' includes the child maintenance into and out of the household, she can't have a shared pot for income and not a shared pot for expenses just because it suits her. It shouldn't work that way. It wouldn't surprise me that her next suggestion is for her child maintenance to be excluded from your shared income pot.
And for anyone suggesting that you need to be 'all in' before moving in together, that should apply to both parties, not just the OP.0 -
I own my house, there’s over 100k left on the mortgage. I only bought it 2/3 years ago after my divorce.0
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I own my house, there’s over 100k left on the mortgage. I only bought it 2/3 years ago after my divorce.
I think you've made the right decision. Who knows what will happen with the relationship over time. You might grow closer together in attitude or maybe not. I know that it would be a deal breaker for me if the girlfriend wouldn't pull her weight financially. Maybe as her children get older she'll realise how unfair it is to expect the taxpayer (i. e. you and me) to fund her lifestyle.
Now you've told us that you have your own home and a mortgage to pay it makes even more sense to stay living on your own otherwise both you and your children will be subsidising her as I can’t believe there's much room in her home for your children to stay. At least I hope not IYSWIM.0 -
It sounds like a good decision for now.
If you reconsider moving in together in future, I would suggest working out how much you earn from working the same number of hours as her, add that to her pay and then split it 50/50. If either of you chooses to make money in your 'free time' i.e. the extra hours you work, you keep that yourself. Who knows, she may want to set up a little business at some point and you wouldn't dream of taking her earnings so she shouldn't expect yours.0
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