Whats fair?/ splitting finances

Gavin83

The main issue here appears to be the OP feels his girlfriend works part time because she wants to rather than because she has to. This is of course fine if you can afford it but it seems she can't, she wants the OP to fund this. It doesn't even sound like she's putting more into the relationship in other ways than he is, household chores are fairly split for example.

Honestly in the OPs situation I'd feel resentful too. Why should he work more than twice her hours so she can have extra time lounging around on the sofa? Of course they can arrange an alternative, for example she takes on the majority of the housework so their 'working hours' are similar but it would depend on if the OP was happy with this and the girlfriend was too.

Ultimately OP I wouldn't be living together unless you can agree finances, it'll lead to resentment and the eventual failure of your relationship. As someone else said financial incompatibility is a huge reason for breakups, either fix this before living together or accept that you two really aren't suited.

Alternatively look to go part time yourself!

pinkshoes

Your girlfriend sounds like a scrounger! Sorry!

If it will take money from your kids then there is no way that she should be moving in with you!

I cannot emphasise the importance of financial compatibility in a relationship. I'm not sure you and this girlfriend are compatible. I would suggest either keeping the relationship as it is, or splitting up.

Caraway90

Markneath wrote: »

Just to be clear her children are 14 and 9 so not young and time demanding like 5 year olds.

If i did split my pay then my children would suffer as I would not be able to pay for treats, classes, mobil phones, take them on holiday as I currently do. It just feels like i’m robbing them so my girlfriend can have extra time to herself.

Maybe not time demanding but can the the 9 year old be left alone? How does s/he get home from school? Does she have any childcare help? If your girlfriend had no dependent children then my thought on the 18 hours working would be different. You knew she had children when you met her. I imagine the "time to herself" isn't spent how you're making out she spends it.
It sounds to me like it's best not to move in together at this point in time as you aren't on the same wavelength.

username12345678

What are you doing? You've been burnt once and you're setting yourself up again to get taken to the cleaners.

Run and don't look back.

Golightly72

Caraway90 wrote: »

Maybe not time demanding but can the the 9 year old be left alone? How does s/he get home from school? Does she have any childcare help? If your girlfriend had no dependent children then my thought on the 18 hours working would be different. You knew she had children when you met her. I imagine the "time to herself" isn't spent how you're making out she spends it.
It sounds to me like it's best not to move in together at this point in time as you aren't on the same wavelength.

Also what happens to the 9 year old especially during the school holidays? It's all very well to say she needs to increase her hours because the children are at school, but there are many weeks that they are not at school?


I've also always had a Friday off since the kids were very little (although husband works full-time), and now they are all older I still do, because it's great, and a lot cheaper, to have one day per week in the holidays that I don't have to worry about childcare and we can actually plan a day out together!

Markneath

Regards the 9 year old he goes to breakfast club for 8:20, my girlfriend is usually in work for 8:45 then finishes about 1:15 which gives 2 hours before school finishes, this is Monday to Thursday.
He also goes to his dads 2 nights per week so shes free these 2 nights.

Ive already decided i’m sticking to my gut feeling that its not fair to split our pays 50/50 when she works less than half the hours I do.
Yes I appreciate shes got children to look after but I manage to have my children 3 nights per week, sort out my house etc and work full time plus overtime when needed.

Thanks for your comments everyone.

suki1964

Its usually best to go with the gut feeling

As you say, you have two children that you are providing for, they are your priority

justme111

What does your gf mean by 50/50? you both putting your income into the pot and taking 50% out of it for your expenses which are not shared? Or what?
I believe people have to be ready to be worse off for the sake of relationship but it should be either equal or proportional, ie not her in the same position and you worse off. So in itself not wanting your children to go without treats is not a good reason to forgo moving together. How much worse off would she be if she moved together with you due to benefits cut? Besides your child support may be recalculated as a result of you living with other children. It is complicated with benefits and children and child support I am afraid. Can you go through numbers in detail with your gf.

gizmo111

My suggestion would be that you both put £1350 each into a shared pot, leaving you around £750 per month of which £280 goes to your CM - balance is £570.
The shared equal pot pays all the bills etc and has an allowance for each of you for personal spends, anything left over goes to joint savings for holidays, family time etc.

You use your £570 to help your children as you have described earlier in the thread and some personal savings to help them later in life - UNI etc. But you have 2 new step children moving in with you so maybe you would want to think about some support for them long term, although their mum is receiving CM for them and their own father may want to be doing for his children the same as what you are doing for yours?

Fire_Fox

gizmo111 wrote: »

You use your £570 to help your children as you have described earlier in the thread and some personal savings to help them later in life - UNI etc. But you have 2 new step children moving in with you so maybe you would want to think about some support for them long term, although their mum is receiving CM for them and their own father may want to be doing for his children the same as what you are doing for yours?

How are they step-children?

Then what relationship are the OP's children to the girlfriend?