Whats fair?/ splitting finances

Primrose

Quite apart from the financial uncertainties of this arrangement, if your girlfriend and children move in with you you'll be creating a new family with all kinds of uncertainties and emotional difficulties.

Your respective children have already undergone one respective family break-up. If this arrangement doesn't work out, you'll be inflicting another one on them creating all kinds of emotional insecurities for them in their subsequent lives. You're an adult. You have the power to control your future. They don't! They have to rely on you to create a long term secure emotional environment for them. Don't let them down if you have even the tiniest doubt they this relationship isn't going to work.

sevenhills

Markneath wrote: »

Ive already decided i’m sticking to my gut feeling that its not fair to split our pays 50/50 when she works less than half the hours I do.

Someone will correct me if I am wrong, but if you share a house with a partner and then split in 10 years time, the split will be 50/50, they will not conclude that you worked more hours so you must take more from the total.
You are obviously not a sharing type of partner, some relationships will be like that.

Mojisola

sevenhills wrote: »

Someone will correct me if I am wrong, but if you share a house with a partner and then split in 10 years time, the split will be 50/50, they will not conclude that you worked more hours so you must take more from the total.
You are obviously not a sharing type of partner, some relationships will be like that.

If you share a house with a spouse, yes.

An unmarried partner has no rights to the property at all unless s/he has contributed to the mortgage or major work on the property.

An unmarried partner has fewer rights than a lodger.

[Deleted User]

sevenhills wrote: »

Someone will correct me if I am wrong, but if you share a house with a partner and then split in 10 years time, the split will be 50/50, they will not conclude that you worked more hours so you must take more from the total.
You are obviously not a sharing type of partner, some relationships will be like that.

It depends on a lot of factors, marriage, length of marriage, how the property it owned (sole owner, joint tenants, tenants in common), deed of trust, cohabitation agreement, payments towards capital repayments of a mortgage and/or capital improvements to the property. It's perfectly possible for an unmarried couple to live together for a decade and one party to walk away with diddly squat if it all goes down the toilet.

Socajam

sevenhills wrote: »

You need to be able to agree, you will be living as a couple. I have never been in that situation, but surely the person with responibility for the children should work less, regardless of who the parent is.

Yes, I would agree but they are not his children
But sharing 50/50 her children are getting more financially from this and I would be very skeptical about financing someone else's children over my own.

By doing this, she is laughing all the way to the bank and back.

maman

Socajam wrote: »

Yes, I would agree but they are not his children
But sharing 50/50 her children are getting more financially from this and I would be very skeptical about financing someone else's children over my own.

By doing this, she is laughing all the way to the bank and back.

I think what's behind this is that the girlfriend enjoys her lifestyle subsidised by the taxpayer which has allowed her to work reduced hours, pay reduced rent etc. She will lose much of this 'help' if OP moves in so expects him to make up the shortfall. I can understand this from a taxpayer point of view but it's a big ask for OP as she could solve the problem herself by working more hours and paying her way like most of us probably do.

Socajam

gizmo111 wrote: »

My suggestion would be that you both put £1350 each into a shared pot, leaving you around £750 per month of which £280 goes to your CM - balance is £570.
The shared equal pot pays all the bills etc and has an allowance for each of you for personal spends, anything left over goes to joint savings for holidays, family time etc.

You use your £570 to help your children as you have described earlier in the thread and some personal savings to help them later in life - UNI etc. But you have 2 new step children moving in with you so maybe you would want to think about some support for them long term, although their mum is receiving CM for them and their own father may want to be doing for his children the same as what you are doing for yours?

No he does not have two step children - these children have a mother and father whose is responsible for them.
Just like his children have a mother and a father who job is to ensure that their own children are not going without.
Subsidization his partner's children should not be part of the deal. If the mother cannot afford to support her children, then work more hours, or get their father to increase the maintenance for them.
This is to the OP, please find out if your partner have any outstanding debts. The last thing you need or want is to move in with her and find out that she is up to her eye balls in debt.
Also if you go against what the majority here have advised, please DO NOT combine your finances (joint bank account etc). Keep everything separate even down to the cell phone.
If you want have one account for the household where both of you put in equal amounts of money to pay the bills etc.

seatbeltnoob

Youll be spending your hard earned money on raising someone elses kids, if you join finsnces and split your money, youll need to give up around £400 a month. That could be put together to save for a holiday with your children.

Im sorry, this is going to be harsh, but why should you subsidise her laziness? I would turn the blind eye a little if you were both young unattached couple without children. But the children have a huge factor in this. If you difnt have children, then theres nonharm in being financially wreckless. With children involved they will directly suffer from your decisions.

Also consider other things before moving in, i presume you have space for your children to sleep over. Will they have the space or desire to sleep over if they hsve your girlfriend and her children living here?

Will her children want to live with you, or will they hate the fact that thryre living in your house?

martinbuckley

Nobody with a joint net income of almost £3500 a month should be getting any handouts from the taxpayer (me)!

As for dividing money vs hours worked - if your GF does 22 hours of domestic chores whilst you are at work, which includes childcare when they are not at school, then you should split the bills 50/50.

seatbeltnoob

martinbuckley wrote: »

Nobody with a joint net income of almost £3500 a month should be getting any handouts from the taxpayer (me)!

As for dividing money vs hours worked - if your GF does 22 hours of domestic chores whilst you are at work, which includes childcare when they are not at school, then you should split the bills 50/50.

They live apart now, he does his own chores she does hers. They dont have a joint income of £3500. They have two seperate incomes (one of which gets universal credit), if they were to join incomes then they wont have entitlement to any credits so thats a moot point. Children are old enough to look after themselves, besides theyre his gitlfriends kids, not his. Not his problem.