Concerns About Friends Behaviour
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From what the OP has posted, there isn't a 'group' in the pub.Oh, I agree; if it was a random meeting and our first conversation, it's highly unlikely that we'd be exchanging numbers, but this isn't a random. This is a local pub, with plenty of regulars, and the man has been part of the group since last summer. I've been in similar groups, and asked for someone else's phone number lots of times; the only difference is that I don't give the numbers out, I get the person who is asking's number, and pass it on. I've had my number given to other people in the group, without my permission; it happens.He doesnt go to meet anyone specifically he just chats to most people he knows in a local public house.Again, it's not unusual to be asked to share a taxi, with someone from a group, especially if they're a bit worse for wear, it's chucking down with rain or it's a busy night, with a huge delay on getting a taxi; we don't know the circumstances to judge. I've even had someone from the edge of my group get in the taxi with me, to make sure that I got home safely, as he wasn't sure that I'd got in a legitimate taxi; our taxis have the phone number in a strip across the back window and that was missing. The taxi was legitimate, but I hadn't noticed the lack of phone number, and I was grateful that someone was keeping an eye out for me.
We do know:
Even if someone was worse for wear or it was chucking it down with rain, it would make more sense to drop someone off who lived round the corner first before going on to your own home.he lives round the corner from this public house0 -
Very different circumstances.I got in a car crash and gave someone my number straight away. Ive also had friends give my number to others for small trivial things too. Its just not that weird to give someone your contact details
You see MSE forums as a social media website?apart from 18,000+ comments on a social media website over 10 years
At least on here, I don't know what some random who've I've 'friended' has had for breakfast. :rotfl:
Why do you have to explain that you want to take a taxi home by yourself?i would assume the op's oh didnt i imagine it could be explained by 'i felt rude telling him to do one'Ive offered perfectly acceptable reasons for the situation you dismiss. Fairly sure im not the only person who could justify such actions. A 3rd party acting strangely does not mean the OPs OH has turned gay and is having an affair.
And I've offered perfectly acceptable reasons for the situations you dismiss.
And from the responses, I'm not the only one who can see that there may be more to this than the OP thinks.
No I wouldn't tell people that my OH had sex with some random bloke.If i said to your partner or anyone for that matter we had sex would you then tell people we had? Or would you just say im a bit of a nutter and talking rubbish?
But I wouldn't say something like this either:
That's nonsense.There is no question of my OH being gay or unfaithful with any man or woman.
I'd bet that Princess Di thought the same thing about Prince Charles when they got engaged. :whistle:0 -
Very different circumstances. maybe but theres a million and one reasons why someone might give their number to someone. If everyone who has my number is a sexual aquaintance then i think im going to have to ask my nan to delete my number. As i would the local papa johns. Giving someone your number when youve known them for 6 months seeing them every friday simply isnt a strange thing to do
You see MSE forums as a social media website? it is the very defintion of social media and social networking
At least on here, I don't know what some random who've I've 'friended' has had for breakfast. :rotfl: ermhhh,
theyre youre friends?! And you wont give your phone number to anyone for any reason but you think youll friend randomers on facebook, a bit of an oxymoron
Why do you have to explain that you want to take a taxi home by yourself? etiquette
And I've offered perfectly acceptable reasons for the situations you dismiss. ive not dismissed anything, he could be having an affair, i simply gave valid answers to your questioning suggesting hes gay and having an affair
And from the responses, I'm not the only one who can see that there may be more to this than the OP thinks.
No I wouldn't tell people that my OH had sex with some random bloke.
But I wouldn't say something like this either: i see your point. BUt then people always say they could never imagine someone doing such and such a thing. I think theres a certain amount of trust involved in relationships for which you spend large parts of any relationship trusting what the other person says. Questioning every aspect to the degree you have would show signs of either a controlling relationship or an untrusting one. Neither of which are conducive to a good relationship.
That's nonsense.
I'd bet that Princess Di thought the same thing about Prince Charles when they got engaged. :whistle:
I just dont think you can suggest with much conviction hes gay and had an affair because someone who is known to be a bit weird and infatuated with their partner has said they had sex and has their number. If you found gay !!!!!! your suggestion could gather weight. If he had been meeting together on their own, maybe more weight. Expressed an interest in sexual interaction with men the suggestion would be more heavy. But a phone number and an infatuated person is not even remotely conclusive hes had an affair.0 -
I’ve got to say there are a couple of posters on here whose lives always seem to have some sort of drama going on. And over quite short periods too!
In terms of this story
Re the phone. In my experience, anyway, blokes can be pretty casual about giving out their mobile numbers - especially, when they have had a few beers. While this isn’t a group of friends it is a bunch of guys doing the same thing at the same time quite regularly. Go in any pub around here and you will see the same.
I can certainly envisage ways that the phone number was handed over. As an example my friend’s dad pops into his local club for a couple quite often. He’s a brickie and if one of his “acquaintances” in that club said he knew someone who wanted some work done and could he have his number I think he would likely give it.
The taxi is a bit odder. However many are in a cab in our group (and whoever they are) it’s pretty usual that the nearest gets dropped first etc. If for no other reason than it’s likely cheaper. However, if this happened as a one off I might think it a bit odd but nothing more than that. Plenty of folks I know watch someone go into the house before telling the taxi to drive on. It’s to make sure they are okay.
As others have said this is straightforward. Go to the police. It’s as simple as that. You’ve been intimidated and this guy knows where you live. I’m surprised your OH hasn’t suggested this. If it had happened to my partner I’d be advising her to go to them (not that she’d need the advice!)
What’s behind this? Who knows? It’s a bit of a coincidence that this guy happened to walk into that bar at that time - but these things happen. You are the one who knows your husband so it’s totally your call if you trust him or not. Only you know that
ETA. I take a lot of things that I hear in pubs in that situation with a large dose of scepticism. And, the OTT description of the guy seems unnecessary.0 -
PasturesNew wrote: »It's irrelevant whether the OP's husband has been having it off with this bloke or not. Nor is it relevant to ask how he got the phone number.
This bloke should not be doing what he has been doing, which is threatening, scarey, worrying and weird.
At least make a log of it at the local police station.
This. Whether or not OPs husband has had any kind of affair or been exploring his sexuality is irrelevant.
If OP and/or her husband don't want this person to come to their home, call them etc, or if either of them is scared or concerned about his actions, then they can contact the police, log it as harassment and then continue to report each and every new incident.
OPs husband's sexual identity is a separate issue, and it is entirely up to OP what she believes or what she does in response to those beliefs, although if I were OP, I would consider getting myself checked out for STDs as a precaution, as that is always if there is any chance that your sexual partner may have been sexually involved with anyone else.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
maybe but theres a million and one reasons why someone might give their number to someone. If everyone who has my number is a sexual aquaintance then i think im going to have to ask my nan to delete my number. As i would the local papa johns. Giving someone your number when youve known them for 6 months seeing them every friday simply isnt a strange thing to do
Did I say that everyone someone gave their number to was a sexual aquaintance?
I'm clearly far more careful with my personal details than a lot of other people.
it is the very defintion of social media and social networking
Then it's very surprising that it doesn't appear anywhere near the top of the list of social media websites. :whistle:
You obviously missed the '' around friends.Originally Posted by Pollycat
ermhhh,
theyre youre friends?! And you wont give your phone number to anyone for any reason but you think youll friend randomers on facebook, a bit of an oxymoron
Many people have 'friends' on Facebook that they don't even know.
People who just sent them a friend request that they've accepted.
Actually, I'm not interested in reading what anybody - even my sister - has had for breakfast. If it comes in in face-to-face or verbal conversation, that's different.
That's why I don't do Facebook.
ive not dismissed anything, he could be having an affair, i simply gave valid answers to your questioning suggesting hes gay and having an affair
I've not dismissed anything either, just put forward an alterative viewpoint.
i see your point. BUt then people always say they could never imagine someone doing such and such a thing. I think theres a certain amount of trust involved in relationships for which you spend large parts of any relationship trusting what the other person says. Questioning every aspect to the degree you have would show signs of either a controlling relationship or an untrusting one. Neither of which are conducive to a good relationship.
Exactly.
For the OP to say that 'there is no question of my OH being gay or unfaithful with any man or woman' is. at best, naive.
I do not question my relationship to any degree.
My OH, whilst going out on his own once a week as the OP's OH does, is - like me - very careful of his personal details.
I'm questioning what the OP has told us about her relationship.I just dont think you can suggest with much conviction hes gay and had an affair because someone who is known to be a bit weird and infatuated with their partner has said they had sex and has their number. If you found gay !!!!!! your suggestion could gather weight. If he had been meeting together on their own, maybe more weight. Expressed an interest in sexual interaction with men the suggestion would be more heavy. But a phone number and an infatuated person is not even remotely conclusive hes had an affair.
It's clear that there is no way we are going to agree with each other on this so I'll leave it with you.
Additionally, the way you respond to my points within my quotes make it onerous to respond, rather than just being able to quote your replies.
And I'm really not that bothered.0 -
There's no point discussing whether the OP's partner is or is not gay - the fact is HE DOESN'T EXIST - apart from in the imagination of Bathcube who really should be writing stories for True Story magazine.
The imagination runs riot!0 -
How do these threads turn into people arguing amongst themselves about somebody elses question?
@OP - Just contact the Police if you feel threatened or are worried, this is something they are there to deal with, I'm not sure why we need to know anything further. I'm not sure why you even need to ask peoples opinions when it is potentially your own personal safety you should be considering? Should be common sense0 -
SuperPikachu wrote: »How do these threads turn into people arguing amongst themselves about somebody elses question?
Look at the post counts of the people that are arguing amongst themselves.....that's why they do it.
The higher number is considered a badge of honour to some on here I'm sure
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I remember a post a few months ago from a bloke saying the woman who worked for the housing association he was living in, he built up a friendship, but she was moved by the employer as it was not wanted and wanted advice should he make contact.
Most of the replies if I remember were roughly "No, you are scaring her".
Makes me wonder now after seeing replies here if something did happen or did she encourage it in the first place.0
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