Bought a house, Really regret doing it.

Rosieandjim · 13 September 2017 at 7:57PM

If you do decide to move back have you thought of exchanging with someone as this can work out a lot cheaper than traditional buying and selling. Friends of mine did this.

You could advertise your house and see if whoever turns up to view has a property in the area that you want to go back to that you could exchange with. Ask local agents if they have had anyone from the area that you want to go back to if they have had anyone ask for your area.

You sound like you are overwhelmed with the decision you have made and moving house is one of the most stressful things you can go through. The Samaritans are there for you to talk to in the interim until a GP can help. Things will change for the better.

Lshapedroom · 13 September 2017 at 8:10PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with you deciding that the house is not the right house for you, put it on the market asap. I hope you start feeling better soon.

sacha28 · 13 September 2017 at 8:24PM

I very rarely disagree with G_M however, on this occasion, I must. Anxiety and depression are already stigmatised through society and can often go unnoticed, untreated and help not sought for this reason. The point of the original post was to ask if anybody else had felt the way the OP had due to moving locations (correct me if not, but that is how I read it). The OP has suffered suicidal ideations due to the huge change in their home environment so the GP is absolutely the right person to go to. Anyway -

LBT - I could have written your post just over 3 years ago. I moved to a different county to take a new job. The location had been a dream of ours for some years, many an hour spent discussing how our lives would change if we ever got the chance to relocate, how happy we would be......the reality, for me, was very different. We had no friends, no family, my job didn't quite work out how I expected. I spent every day for the first year hoping my partner would suddenly announce that it was no longer working for him and that he wanted to move 'home', I would have gone back in a heartbeat. I was a townie by nature, born in a city, and we moved to a rural location with only one neighbour, plus we didn't factor in the need for a 2nd car so when either of us were working we were stuck at home with the nearest bus a 3 mile walk away. I had a 2 year old who took the move so much harder than I ever anticipated, it took 8 weeks to find a nursery and when we finally did his drop offs were traumatic!!! I felt much the same as you, waking up in a panic, sweating, I was constantly angry, cried A LOT (I'm not a crier!), ate too much and questionning EVERY. SINGLE. DAY !!!!!! we had done.

There is a happy ending to this story though. I stuck it out as I could never find the courage to tell my partner how I felt (because he took to our new life like a duck to water) and reasoned with myself that this was his dream too so I had to at least try so as to be fair, I gave myself a year and if I felt no different then I would have to lay it on the line and ask to go 'home'. 3 years later I am the happiest I have EVER been. I have a friendship and support network that outstrips anything I had in my previous town, my job sorted itself out (I realised that I may have been contributing to this due to my anxiety and depression) and I have just started my nurse training (sponsered) following a 2 year foundation degree (also sponsered) and I now realise that this would never have happened if I had returned 'home'. My son is also incredibly happy and has some fantastic friends, only yesterday he said he never wants to leave (no idea what prompted that!!)

I hope you find a solution that works for you but I just wanted to show that there is hope!!! Good luck xx

pollyannaL · 13 September 2017 at 8:27PM

can i just add that you can contact the samaritans and they do a text service if you are ever feeling down/ depressed.

It seems this move has been a trigger for something, maybe a previous event in your life that may have brought back some memories that you weren't really aware of but you have experienced?

Well done for seeing the GP, just focus on your current emotional state rather than saying it's definately the house move. xx

G_M · 13 September 2017 at 9:03PM

Well, my post's been removed and my hand's been slapped. 2nd infraction in 40 thousand odd posts. If I suddenly disappear it'll be because I'll have committed my 3rd infraction (3 strikes and you're out).

I agree my post was unsympathetic, and apologise for that. But on a housing forum one expects to see housing-related issues and questions.

There was no constructive housing advice that could be offered in this case. Sympathy - yes. Medical/mental health advice - yes. But this is not a health forum and nor is it mumsnet

OK - should have just ignored the thread and moved on to where my help could actually make a difference.

Mea Culpa!

boliston · 13 September 2017 at 9:41PM

Lshapedroom wrote: »

I don't think there is anything wrong with you deciding that the house is not the right house for you, put it on the market asap. I hope you start feeling better soon.

At least there are plenty of people who like the idea of a village house - i know my OH likes the idea of living in the country but it would be pure hell for me so we are living in a small town as a sort of compromise. She sometimes suggests places to move to in the same town but if I ever moved it would have to be a city as small town living is not ideal for me, but cities are far more expensive unfortunately.

zippygeorgeandben · 13 September 2017 at 10:32PM

G_M I understood/stand where you are coming from. When I read debt free diaries I want to read about how much money people are saving with x, y, z tips and hints. Instead, I feel I'm eavesdropping on an episode of Loose Women. 'I'm just off to pick the kids off', 'I feel a bit down today'. 'Well done you for watering the garden.'

[Deleted User] · 14 September 2017 at 2:56AM

I agree with xylophone's post. Obviously the house is not making you happy.., but there's unhappy and seeing a reaction that needs a bit of help to deal with. It is worth either seeing a counsellor privately (would be quicker) or asking your GP to refer you for help. Sometimes GP services have counsellors come to the practice and you get 6 sessions to start giving you a hint as to what's going on.

I can see a move is not going to be completely easy otherwise you wouldn't have moved to this area, and there may be some conflict going on in your head because your partner is quite happy with the situation. Of course, reacting like this once, makes it more likely to happen again and so on, the more stressed you are the more likely you are to have panic attacks so you need to start feeling you can bring it under control. Moving might do this.., but so might counselling.

You could phone MIND and ask if there is a service you could use.

I am a bit worried that you are rather vulnerable on here, while people haven't always put it 'kindly'.., we really can't help you figure this out, we don't have the expertise. Please phone MIND, find a counsellor and figure out why you are reacting this way. Perhaps they can help you decide what will resolve this situation. I think its possible there's more than a move to a place you don't like going on.

It can be dealt with but you need to start making that journey. I am afraid I don't know much about anxiety etc.., although I do get that way sometimes because I am autistic, and have had problems with suicidal feelings because of a feeling 'I can't cope'. I would suggest reading about anything that seems to fit your situation, concentrating on how to deal with it.

With me, I usually try to sustain myself by knowing that this is temporary, it will pass however bad it feels right now. I will feel better. Yes, it might return, but meanwhile I will concentrate on feeling more in control of my life (even if I can't immediately remove the thing that is making me feel overwhelmed). It is not all that is in my life. Its just a part of it.

moneyistooshorttomention · 14 September 2017 at 6:52AM

deannatrois wrote: »

With me, I usually try to sustain myself by knowing that this is temporary, it will pass however bad it feels right now. I will feel better. Yes, it might return, but meanwhile I will concentrate on feeling more in control of my life (even if I can't immediately remove the thing that is making me feel overwhelmed). It is not all that is in my life. Its just a part of it.

I tend to agree a lot with this.

I'd also add that feelings may sometimes not be what they present themselves as iyswim. What is coming over as depression may be anger. Anger at feeling you can't afford "the next stage up" of housing in your previous area due to no fault/choice of your own. Hence feeling helpless and so the anger comes over as depression - maybe because you aren't as in control of your own life as you want.That may or may not be the case with you. Anger at being priced-out of previous area is entirely understandable and no need whatsoever to beat yourself up about feeling what most people that have had a forced move would feel (even if itsnt the same category as being a genuine refugee from a country one was perfectly okay in - until a war/regime change/etc disrupted it).

I guess it may be helpful to establish that point - as to whether the depression is masked anger.

Anger is a feeling that, imo, one can work with better and think of ways to deal with it.

I still advocate looking for people in "your tribe" if you do decide to stay in current area.

I still feel at your age - and with two incomes coming in and it sounds like you've got a reasonable level job - then the situation is resolvable by going back to previous town if your partner agrees with you (and that's the crunch point - as to how they feel on this). It would mean giving up the level of house you have and buying somewhere in between a leasehold flat you had and current house for you - but sounds like it could be doable.

Time2go · 14 September 2017 at 7:21AM

I personally think this is right forum as it's about effect house is having onhim. I can offer some experience on this and wouldn't have see. It on other forum as I don't go onit.

Anyway I have always used to live near the centre of things whether that was in a small town or a city. Occasionally I would cat sit for my sister who lived in the suburbs and I used to hate it. I always felt constricted and if I had had to live there I'm sure it would have effected my wellbeing.

We are now about to move from the city in a flat to a big four bed house more suitable however one of the criteria of choosing it was it wasn't in suburbs , it's on the edge of the burbs but on a bus route opposite a big supermarket and is a large estate with a big community and Facebook page. I therefore can totally understand where you are coming from. Also if this is first owned house the worry of things going wrong and affording things can get on top of you.

I think seeing doctor, and holiday would be first steps to put some perspective on things have Christmas there (sometimes after a Christmas at home it can make you feel more settled) and revisit in new year.

Btw they say it takes three years to be totally settled in a new area.

PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

Bought a house, Really regret doing it.

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