Bought a house, Really regret doing it.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Doozergirl wrote: »

I've left my tuppence worth since.

Absolutely, it isn't about the house.

I think you miss how important it is to just talk, even if people aren't giving you the solution. But there are plenty of people here with experience who have shared their own, and it does make people feel more normal just to know that there are many more of us mentalists than we could ever have imagined before we shared.

And a board that isn't about mental health is the perfect place to discover that.

It's fine to be concerned. If you don't have anything to add, don't add it. If you want to suggest they see a doctor, do so, but don't banish them for being inappropriate. It actually does perpetuate the stigma that mental health doesn't involve normal people. It's actually your issue, not theirs and certainly not mine.

The thread started with the practicalities of moving house to solve a percevied problem. It was on topic and I couldn't actually care if it wasn't. I've got all day for the OP if they want it.

Indeed, and I am sure your post is helpful, because it recognises this has nothing to do with the house. Whereas posts that address this as a housing problem are not.

However I want to challenge the suggestion that anyone has said "mental health isn't about normal people". Nobody has said that. What I said, and will happily repeat, is that feeling suicidal due to these circumstances is not normal. It is not normal because they are ill. It is not normal in the same way that lying in bed all day with a headache and vomiting isn't normal - it means you are ill and should see a doctor.

starshapedbrick

OP, I hope you get some help tomorrow when you see your Doctor. The way you describe feeling now isn't normal, but it doesn't mean that you will feel that way forever. The search for 'why?' in relation to anxiety and depression is understandable, but there isn't always a clear answer. We want there to be an event or circumstances that explains the way we feel, or makes it easier for us to explain to others what has caused our illness. The house may be the trigger or it may be part of your symptoms right now that you associate the house with the way you feel to such an extent that you associate being away from the house with recovery. That may or may not change with time and treatment. The house might be the problem that you can see right now. But that doesn't mean that it's the real issue, or even that there is a specific 'thing' that you can put a name to that is making you feel this way.

Over the years, I have had panic attacks, anxiety and clinical depression but mine is endogenous - that is, without any external or environmental cause. I can get fixated on specific issues, at home or at work, which I tell myself and others are the 'cause' but I know that that's not real. It is for me about chemical imbalances in the brain and sometimes that means medication and other times I have ways of working through. There is rarely an easy answer to mental health problems, and you are suffering right now. But hopefully you will find what you need to move past it.

Listen to your doctor, talk to your partner and your family, take the time you need to recover. Then make a decision on the house.

Doozergirl

ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »

Indeed, and I am sure your post is helpful, because it recognises this has nothing to do with the house. Whereas posts that address this as a housing problem are not.

However I want to challenge the suggestion that anyone has said "mental health isn't about normal people". Nobody has said that. What I said, and will happily repeat, is that feeling suicidal due to these circumstances is not normal. It is not normal because they are ill. It is not normal in the same way that lying in bed all day with a headache and vomiting isn't normal - it means you are ill and should see a doctor.

I don't think anyone is disputing that it is unusual to be having suicidal thoughts. They are irrational thoughts.

I think your use of the word normal and mine are different. People with mental health issues are normal, as are people with colds. Having suicidal thoughts is something that a lot of outwardly 'normal' people have.

Putting 'suicidal thoughts aren't normal' with 'this is inappropriate discussion' sends an inappropriate message. Whilst I don't doubt your sincerity, having had a wider conversation, your initial few lines were flippant. You're saying 'there's something wrong with you, we can't help' when actually we can. Talking does help! Being listened to helps even more. In your real life, if someone shared that with you, would you genuinely cut them off telling them to speak to a doctor? That's dangerous.

Rule number 1 in my book would be never to dismiss someone. What happens when everyone dismisses it, thinking it's someone else's responsibility? Lord knows the NHS is not geared up for everyone suffering.

Some of the posts aren't that helpful and don't address the deeper issue, but it's an interesting read. I don't think that anyone has put the OP at risk but the least healthy thing to say is 'not here'. It doesn't acknowledge that all of us will have mental health issues at some point. If you think about it, a huge number of posts, while outwardly about house buying, are actually about people's anxieties! People playing mind games, pretending, paranoia, anxiety, misplaced anger and blame... we could send loads of people to a special 'mental health' board for irrational thoughts.

I read my post to my husband. I cried as I did it. I didn't cry when I wrote it. I've come a long way in six years. My mental health has never been so robust, still recognising that I am sensitive. I'd love for the OP to read back on this post a few years down the line and feel the same way that I do.

Healthy conversation, I think.

Narkynewt

Firstly, have a cup of tea and relax. Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes xxx

I think you need to speak to your GP. There seems to be more to this than just the move. Do you always find things to worry about?

I would try councelling first and see how you feel over Christmas, you may take longer than 4 months to settle in.

Have you tried meditation? I suffer from a bit of anxiety and have 2 young children so am always on the go and I have just started meditation yoga once a week and it's amazing!

Good Luck, private message me if you like xx

ripplyuk

Some of the responses here have been unbelievably insensitive, even for this forum. Can people not manage to put a few kind words together for a fellow human being who is having suicidal thoughts, just because it's in the wrong section?? If they are incapable of that, they don't have to answer at all.

OP, I understand how much housing can affect your mental health. It seems a lot of people don't. I ended up in hospital because of it. I would say if you're feeling that stressed over it, then move. It's been long enough, and otherwise, you're always going to wonder. The decision alone, and planning the move, might help you feel more hopeful about things straight away. Talk to your partner and your doctor. I hope things improve for you soon. xx

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Doozergirl wrote: »

I think your use of the word normal and mine are different. People with mental health issues are normal, as are people with colds. Having suicidal thoughts is something that a lot of outwardly 'normal' people have.

You are talking about "normal people". This is never helpful and not something I have done. I am talking about normal behaviours. Normal people have colds. When they are having a cold, this isn't normal for them or for anyone else.

Doozergirl wrote: »

Putting 'suicidal thoughts aren't normal' with 'this is inappropriate discussion' sends an inappropriate message. Whilst I don't doubt your sincerity, having had a wider conversation, your initial few lines were flippant. You're saying 'there's something wrong with you, we can't help' when actually we can. Talking does help! Being listened to helps even more. In your real life, if someone shared that with you, would you genuinely cut them off telling them to speak to a doctor? That's dangerous.

If I knew them, then of course not.- if I didn't know them and had very limited knowledge of their situation, I certainly wouldn't get into it. There's far too much chance of me saying something damaging due to my lack of expertise and knowledge - plus of course, I don't know whether they are even telling me the truth.

Doozergirl wrote: »

I read my post to my husband. I cried as I did it. I didn't cry when I wrote it. I've come a long way in six years. My mental health has never been so robust, still recognising that I am sensitive. I'd love for the OP to read back on this post a few years down the line and feel the same way that I do.

I'm sure your post will be helpful to them. It's a pity it will be a bit lost in a lot of posts about housing, and self-catering holidays. I'm perfectly happy for people who think they have expertise in the area to comment; it's just a pure fluke that you were here though and it would be much better for all the people who don't have such expertise to say nothing more than "see a professional; this is nothing to do with the house". I still maintain that if there was nothing here but people saying how "a lot of people feel bad about moving home" to someone who is genuinely suicidal, they are just reinforcing the suicidal tendency by reinforcing the erroneous belief that it is all about the house.

Crashy_Time

LBT_UK wrote: »

Thank you for the Advice, I will look into the village life, maybe I do feel isolated, but I just feel very distressed at the house and only settle when I visit my father who is currently living with his GF.

If I spend anytime at the house on my own I tend to cry without any cause and I can't stop. While staying at home to avoid the commute is a valid Idea the concept of being there on my own is horrifying and would increase my partners travel costs which wouldn't be good.

Have you considered that the house might be haunted?

Crashy_Time

Narkynewt wrote: »

Firstly, have a cup of tea and relax. Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes xxx

I think you need to speak to your GP. There seems to be more to this than just the move. Do you always find things to worry about?

I would try councelling first and see how you feel over Christmas, you may take longer than 4 months to settle in.

Have you tried meditation? I suffer from a bit of anxiety and have 2 young children so am always on the go and I have just started meditation yoga once a week and it's amazing!

Good Luck, private message me if you like xx

Probably the best bet outside seeing an "expert" IMO, but if you are having persistent suicidal thoughts you need to talk to a professional. Meditation helps ground you, helps you see the bigger picture and takes you out of limited thinking (such as living in a village x miles from where I used to live is a stressful event) to more positive uplifting thoughts ( I am part of a higher consciousness and my happiness does not depend on a house or a geographical location)

phillw

LBT_UK wrote: »

As I feel at the minute I need to level myself out, and look to move in the Spring even though it will only be 9-10 months since we bought and somehow offset the cost of moving again, selling anything I can and saving all spare cash as well to wards it.

I am not a doctor, but I've been through anxiety.

It sounds like your fight or flight response has kicked in, but you are disoriented because you can't tell what you need to fight against or run away from. Your body keeps nagging at you to do something & won't stop until you release the right chemicals (the feel good chemicals you get from running or winning) which you are unable to do.

Your brain makes connections which then repeats the cycle, every time you are stressed you think of the house & every time you think of the house you are stressed.

CBT is about challenging those thoughts and breaking the connections. It sounds a little patronising but when you're wound up then you're not in a really good place to make objective decisions.

It's hard to accept that your feelings towards the house are irrational, but it's the first step.
Forget making big plans to take control, it's the little things in life that matter so much more. Smile, laugh, enjoy being with your partner.

There are plenty of mediation and mindfulness apps you can put on your phone. I was recently recommended http://www.calm.com

Crashy_Time

IMO "meditation" and "apps on a phone" are a contradiction.