The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

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  • pinkteapot
    pinkteapot Posts: 8,040 Forumite
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    Thanks to everyone for your kind words. Feeling calmer today - crazy moment over for now. :) To my fellow control freaks - I completely understand how you feel!

    tea lover - I'm so, so sorry to hear your news. I don't know what stage you're at or how final the decision is between you and your OH, but from what you've said I'd want out too. It's good for you to both have your own interests and do some stuff apart, but you're spot on - it's not a partnership if you don't share anything.

    If you can't work things out, I know how horrendous it all feels but I've got friends who have been through divorces and they do come out the other side. If it comes to it, use the house buying and mortgages boards for advice on the house issue - they're really helpful over there (we moved house in Feb and got lots of advice). Not trying to get rid of you though! Keep talking to us here too. :)
  • tea_lover
    tea_lover Posts: 8,261 Forumite
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    Thanks ladies. It's not what I want but I don't see any choice. I can't stay with someone who refuses to even look at me, let alone want to spend any time together.

    The finances are really scary though. I could pay the mortgage on my own, but have no idea if the mortgage company would let me take it on with just my salary. Am waiting for them to call me back with an appointment to discuss it.

    Also have no idea how much I'd be expected to give OH. Is it half of the equity? Based on purchase price? Current valuation? Does it take into account the fact that I paid all of the deposit and the legal fees for buying our house and selling his old house? Too complicated!!
  • danielley
    danielley Posts: 744 Forumite
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    Oh tea... I'm so sorry to hear that it has come to this. How has your OH reacted? I remember a quote once about it being better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone... I really hope you can resolve things but you do need to look after yourself and if you are truly unhappy with the relationship balance then you are better taking action than suffering for years and regretting it. Massive hugs

    Xxx
  • tea_lover
    tea_lover Posts: 8,261 Forumite
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    danielley wrote: »
    How has your OH reacted?

    He hasn't, as ever. Literally not a word. He just absolutely refuses to have a conversation about anything and I can't take it anymore.

    How are you feeling today? Hope you're ok after EC. Any news yet?
  • danielley
    danielley Posts: 744 Forumite
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    I had no idea how much pain I would be in after EC; I was in a bit of discomfort leaving the hospital and returning home but from about 9 o'clock last night I have been in alot of pain, writhing in agony everytime I moved I am worried that this will stay for a few days as I have a funeral tomorrow.

    I don't seem to remember anyone else saying that it was this bad, Am I just being a big wimp?

    X
  • danielley
    danielley Posts: 744 Forumite
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    tea_lover wrote: »
    He hasn't, as ever. Literally not a word. He just absolutely refuses to have a conversation about anything and I can't take it anymore.

    That sounds a nightmare. You poor thing.

    X
  • tea_lover
    tea_lover Posts: 8,261 Forumite
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    You're not being a wimp, everyone reacts differently. I was definitely uncomfortable the day after and in pain if I moved too fast but I wouldn't have said it was agony. I'd mention it to the embryologist when they call (ime they ask how you are anyway).

    With 16 eggs there's a risk of OHSS so keep an eye on possible symptoms as it can come on quite quickly (now that was agony!) Plenty of gatorade/lucozade and rest xx.
  • pinkteapot
    pinkteapot Posts: 8,040 Forumite
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    tea_lover wrote: »
    The finances are really scary though. I could pay the mortgage on my own, but have no idea if the mortgage company would let me take it on with just my salary. Am waiting for them to call me back with an appointment to discuss it.

    You don't have to stay with the same mortgage company. Some will lend more liberally than others. If your current mortgage company won't lend to you alone, try others. If it comes to that, it might be worth speaking to a broker instead. We used a broker for our most recent mortgage as it wasn't straightforward. I was a contractor instead of permanent which ruled some lenders out. Broker found us the best deal and did the application for us, which took some stress off us!
    tea_lover wrote: »
    Also have no idea how much I'd be expected to give OH. Is it half of the equity? Based on purchase price? Current valuation? Does it take into account the fact that I paid all of the deposit and the legal fees for buying our house and selling his old house? Too complicated!!

    Assuming you didn't have any written agreement when you bought the house, I'm afraid this is something you have to agree between yourselves. There's no fixed rule. You both need to agree on a settlement that you think is fair. It's best if you can sort this out yourselves. If you can't agree, it's possible to go through a legal route but it'll cost you some money so it's in both your interests to avoid that if possible.
  • pinkteapot
    pinkteapot Posts: 8,040 Forumite
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    danielley wrote: »
    I had no idea how much pain I would be in after EC; I was in a bit of discomfort leaving the hospital and returning home but from about 9 o'clock last night I have been in alot of pain, writhing in agony everytime I moved I am worried that this will stay for a few days as I have a funeral tomorrow.

    If you're still in this much pain, I'd suggest calling your clinic to see what they think. As tea said, OHSS is a small risk and pain is a symptom. They can talk to you and judge your symptoms. The clinic would much rather people call to be on the safe side - don't worry that you're making a fuss or anything.

    Take care of yourself. I know it's hard but please try not to worry about the funeral. If you're too ill to go then your DH will understand, and your FIL certainly would have wanted you to rest if you're not up to it. x
  • vesper
    vesper Posts: 941 Forumite
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    Oh hugs Tealover, hang in there, trust I know how you feel more than I can ever say.
    Sorry been missing in action recently, I've just had a house move so things have been very up in the air, and things have become a little complicated between OH and myself, which I will not go into. Did think of giving up on this process but its took so long to get here that if we stopped, I'm not sure we would ever start it again.
    Anyway had appointment at the hospital earlier this week, some will remember that they told us at the last appointment that it looked as though the problem was my OH, and 2 sets of results had come back with Low sperm counts and mobility, and wanted a 3rd set doing as it may have been due to a low sample. Any way, the results are in... and were completely normal. So looks as though the previous samples were too small hence the results.
    So am to book a Lap and Dye when cd1 arrives. The doctor has said that if my tubes are clear then she will be prescribing me with Clomid. But at the moment due to the length of time we have been trying she has said to prepare for extra help, and to lose some weight (hubby looked really mad at this, as if she looked at my notes I have lost a lot since our first appointment).
    Remember never judge someone that makes a mistake, because in six months time it may be you that makes the next mistake.
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