Yet another Separation - but also changing jobs.

jbkmum · 6 February 2019 at 11:52AM

I had a diary on here but stopped posting. I have 50k debt between myself and my husband. We are going to separate as we don't love each other romantically any more and there isn't a spark. However we can't physically leave each other for a few months for the below reasons:

I start a new job in March and will receive a paycheque of £900 as opposed to £1900 because its 4 weekly pay. I've got to find a way to push back around £1000s worth of bills.

If I am a single mother I cannot live in our current town due to commute and school run. I would need to move to to the new job. If we were together I would commute via train (free train travel) and he would pick DS up from school.

I will earn over twice as much as husband, I suggested I pay off debt, and he doesn't pay child support. 10K of it is husbands debt the rest is mine.

I just, I don't even know what I'm asking. I don't know where to start I don't know what to do.

gettingtheresometime · 6 February 2019 at 12:19PM

And breathe.

I think the only way you can look at this is to break down the whole station is to look at the issues individually even though there will be some sort of cross over.

So break down the situation into individual problems:

- how to deal with change in pay frequency
- how to deal with housing
- how to deal with debt.

If you aren't going your separate ways for a couple of months, you've got time to sort this out logically rather than in a mad panic.

Comms69 · 6 February 2019 at 12:20PM

jbkmum wrote: »

I had a diary on here but stopped posting. I have 50k debt between myself and my husband. We are going to separate as we don't love each other romantically any more and there isn't a spark. However we can't physically leave each other for a few months for the below reasons:

I start a new job in March and will receive a paycheque of £900 as opposed to £1900 because its 4 weekly pay. I've got to find a way to push back around £1000s worth of bills. - That doesn't make sense, sorry?

If I am a single mother I cannot live in our current town due to commute and school run. I would need to move to to the new job. If we were together I would commute via train (free train travel) - why is it free? and he would pick DS up from school.- why can he not do that regardless?

I will earn over twice as much as husband, I suggested I pay off debt, and he doesn't pay child support. 10K of it is husbands debt the rest is mine. - Why would he not look after the children if you are the higher wage earner. You could then pay child support?

I just, I don't even know what I'm asking. I don't know where to start I don't know what to do.

You need to explain this more

Accountant_Kerry · 6 February 2019 at 12:42PM

jbkmum wrote: »

I had a diary on here but stopped posting. I have 50k debt between myself and my husband. We are going to separate as we don't love each other romantically any more and there isn't a spark. However we can't physically leave each other for a few months for the below reasons:

I start a new job in March and will receive a paycheque of £900 as opposed to £1900 because its 4 weekly pay. I've got to find a way to push back around £1000s worth of bills. always a pain but not much advice I can offer here as you know about changing dates of payments etc where you can.

If I am a single mother I cannot live in our current town due to commute and school run. I would need to move to to the new job. If we were together I would commute via train (free train travel) and he would pick DS up from school.
again these things are always painful, do you want to move or change the kids school, both or neither?

I will earn over twice as much as husband, I suggested I pay off debt, and he doesn't pay child support. 10K of it is husbands debt the rest is mine. Debt is a capital thing, maintenance is different, if you are married all the debt is both of your regardless of whos name its in. Separate the assets/liabilities from monthly living costs and maintenance.

I just, I don't even know what I'm asking. I don't know where to start I don't know what to do.

you sound like you are in a bit of a flap, don't worry you can work all this out and you have some time. you'll be ok x

jbkmum · 6 February 2019 at 2:30PM

Comms69 wrote: »

You need to explain this more

My first paycheque is mid month, so I will get paid for two weeks work. I will get paid for another 4 weeks, 4 weeks after that.

Train travel is free because my new job is with a train company - perks of the job.

He cannot pick my son up from school if I move towns because its 25 miles away. If its the same town then yes he could do that, but I don't know if that arrangement could work. I did suggest if I had to move closer to new job that he could move as well but his friends are in this town and so it would be unfair to isolate him.

My son will live with me because my MIL is a nightmare and might make things difficult. I suspect he would move 65 miles to his mothers and I'd never see my son again. She is an absolute piece of work and whilst she adores my son, she pretty much hates me!

Comms69 · 6 February 2019 at 2:35PM

jbkmum wrote: »

My first paycheque is mid month, so I will get paid for two weeks work. I will get paid for another 4 weeks, 4 weeks after that. - But will you not be paid by your old employer as well (+ outstanding holidays etc?)

Train travel is free because my new job is with a train company - perks of the job. - make sure the tax is sorted on this, it's a BIK

He cannot pick my son up from school if I move towns because its 25 miles away. If its the same town then yes he could do that, but I don't know if that arrangement could work. I did suggest if I had to move closer to new job that he could move as well but his friends are in this town and so it would be unfair to isolate him.

My son will live with me because my MIL is a nightmare and might make things difficult. I suspect he would move 65 miles to his mothers and I'd never see my son again. She is an absolute piece of work and whilst she adores my son, she pretty much hates me!

Does your husband agree with this?

You would still have contact, I don't think your reasons are any more compelling than any others a court would hear

jbkmum · 6 February 2019 at 3:48PM

Comms69 wrote: »

Does your husband agree with this?

You would still have contact, I don't think your reasons are any more compelling than any others a court would hear

I would be paid by my employer on the 26th feb. This covers my bills up to the 26th of March. I would then only receive two weeks of pay to cover the bills up to the next pay date, I need twice as much to do that.

The train travel isn't a BIK - Its a travel card entitling me to travel on that particular operator for free plus reciprocal agreements with a few other operators. No monetary award etc. Just like you don't have to declare your employee discount card at asda as a BIK

My husband agrees that my son would stay with me due to finances. I din't think it factors into it, but he is my biological son and not my husbands so I do worry that one day when DS is told he might wonder why his biological mother left.

jbkmum · 6 February 2019 at 3:49PM

Accountant_Kerry wrote: »

you sound like you are in a bit of a flap, don't worry you can work all this out and you have some time. you'll be ok x

I did not that about the debt!

iammumtoone · 6 February 2019 at 4:35PM

jbkmum wrote: »

I will earn over twice as much as husband, I suggested I pay off debt, and he doesn't pay child support.

Has you husband adopted your son? If not and he is not the biological father he does not have to pay child support anyway. He might choose to as you were a family but by law hes not obliged to.

sheramber · 6 February 2019 at 5:45PM

jbkmum wrote: »

I would be paid by my employer on the 26th feb. This covers my bills up to the 26th of March. I would then only receive two weeks of pay to cover the bills up to the next pay date, I need twice as much to do that.

t.

Your old employer pays you 26 Feb .
That covers your bills up to 26 March.
Your new employer pays you £900 15 March
You keep that to cover you from 26 March to 15 April
Your new employer pays you full month pay 15 April which covers you 15 April to 15 May and so on .

Accountant_Kerry · 6 February 2019 at 5:50PM

jbkmum wrote: »

I did not that about the debt!

In the event you divorce the debt would be pooled with any savings house equity etc and separated out into a pot, the starting point for this is then a 50/50 split even if its a negative balance overall.
Practically of course is he doesn't pay its your credit rating that would suffer if the pot was an overall negative. There are some caveats if the marriage was particularly short etc. but that's the broad principle. Assets and liabilities are products of the marriage regardless of whos name they are in.

Yet another Separation - but also changing jobs.

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