Yet another Separation - but also changing jobs.

Comms69

jbkmum wrote: »

An update.

I started my new job, my father lent me the money to cover the gap which I repaid.

We separated a month ago. I left the marital (rented) home and currently live with my best friend.

My ex claims universal credit and I have supported him in setting up a budget and I see my son when I can.

We agreed that we would divorce based on my unreasonable behaviour (as there is some) rather than wait two years.

However. This weekend I had a really bad tension headache so I took two cocodamol. I went to my old house, where he still lives. He wanted to talk about his budget. We went upstairs to discuss so it wasn't in front of our son. He asked at some point if we could kiss and I said no, we're not together and I don't want to cross a boundary with you. He said what would you do if I kissed you, I said I don't want you to kiss me.

I essentially fell asleep due to painkillers, and woke up to being sexually assaulted. One of the reasons I had gone to the house was to take them both to the supermarket and buy a grocery shop. Half way round I started trembling and shaking and he also seemed to "twig" he had done something bad.

Since then I have tried to cut contact with him and he has grovelled and said how much he hates himself but that he needs me to help him as he doesn't know how to look after himself.

My question to anyone who knows anything about divorce law, is can I divorce based on HIS unreasonable behaviour based on one instance of sexual assault. He has actually done it (sex whilst I am asleep, I woke up and never mentioned anything) multiple times before but I accepted it as part of our marriage.

I want to do whatever I can to get out of the marriage but I also want it to have the least effect on our son. I don't believe he is a risk to our son.

The reason for the divorce is irrelevant. It makes no difference.


If he's assaulted you, I think the police would be the first port of call.


Though I'm not sure why: I went to my old house, where he still lives. He wanted to talk about his budget. We went upstairs to discuss so it wasn't in front of our son.


I don't think a budget discussion is something a child needs to be kept away from

jbkmum

My son has a habit of taking what we've been talking about and going to school and saying things like, my parents are poor, we have no money etc.

So - it was to avoid that. But to be fair....I'm not sure that helps me now its happened??

Sorry - I am wary of reporting to the police, I think the fallout would be damaging to the whole family. I don't see my ex as evil, just as a miserable man who felt like I owed him something. I'd rather get on with it and get through it than go through extra hassle.

Comms69

jbkmum wrote: »

My son has a habit of taking what we've been talking about and going to school and saying things like, my parents are poor, we have no money etc.

So - it was to avoid that. But to be fair....I'm not sure that helps me now its happened??

Sorry - I am wary of reporting to the police, I think the fallout would be damaging to the whole family. I don't see my ex as evil, just as a miserable man who felt like I owed him something. I'd rather get on with it and get through it than go through extra hassle.

Fine. Well the reason for divorce has no implication whatsoever.

jbkmum

So to clarify, one instance of unreasonable behaviour from him is enough?

Comms69

jbkmum wrote: »

So to clarify, one instance of unreasonable behaviour from him is enough?

Not sure if you're being belligerent or not, but it doesn't matter.


Unreasonable behaviour is ANYTHING. The reason for divorce is irrelevant. You could say that watching Top Gear was unreasonable. Or drinking cider. Or supporting Liverpool (and that should always be a reason!).


You're arguing over semantics. Why do you care who's behaviour is noted?

badmemory

Just to clarify - does ED mean early dementia?

jbkmum

Comms69 wrote: »

Not sure if you're being belligerent or not, but it doesn't matter.


Unreasonable behaviour is ANYTHING. The reason for divorce is irrelevant. You could say that watching Top Gear was unreasonable. Or drinking cider. Or supporting Liverpool (and that should always be a reason!).


You're arguing over semantics. Why do you care who's behaviour is noted?

No I was not being belligerent although well maybe now I am seeing as you're "typing" to me like I am an idiot. I've been through a sodding traumatic week having woken up to being r*ped and I am trying to figure this all out whilst keeping it together. So excuse me if I'm confused and don't know what I'm doing hence why I came here to ask a question. I'm not arguing over semantics, I've never approached a divorce situation before AND I don't "care" who's behaviour is noted but I want the greatest chance of getting shot of him so that I can move on with my life and try to get the dignity back that he's taken from me.

Is that better?

jbkmum

badmemory wrote: »

Just to clarify - does ED mean early dementia?

I've had a quick scan through and I can't see a mention of ED. Eeek sorry, maybe I can't read

Comms69

jbkmum wrote: »

No I was not being belligerent although well maybe now I am seeing as you're "typing" to me like I am an idiot. - I wasn't. I was simply trying to reinforce the point. please don't assume tone in text


I've been through a sodding traumatic week having woken up to being r*ped and I am trying to figure this all out whilst keeping it together. - as I said, you should go to the police. if you choose not to, I see no merit in mentioning this as the unreasonable behaviour.


So excuse me if I'm confused and don't know what I'm doing hence why I came here to ask a question. I'm not arguing over semantics, I've never approached a divorce situation before AND I don't "care" who's behaviour is noted but I want the greatest chance of getting shot of him so that I can move on with my life and try to get the dignity back that he's taken from me. - so just agree to divorce on whatever grounds he wants then? The last thing you want is him contesting the grounds.

Is that better?

Yes much clearer. If you want a divorce, then do not argue on the grounds.

NBLondon

jbkmum wrote: »

II also think he is clinically depressed and wonder if he has been for a few years as he also suffers with ED which must be devastating as a 29 year old.

badmemory wrote: »

Just to clarify - does ED mean early dementia?

Erectile Dysfunction - which may be because of the depression or a cause of even both. However - clearly not all the time.

Report the assault. Then start the divorce proceedings with that as grounds. It may be a tough fight but there's no easy way out.

Or if you feel brave enough - threaten that as a way to get your husband to move out (back to Mum) and agree to a no fault divorce once you've been separated long enough. May be easier on your son but no guarantee that husband will keep his word.