Yet another Separation - but also changing jobs.

Pollycat

The last thread the OP started (just over 3 months ago) is interesting. :think:

A big step between whether to have a baby now or wait until some of the debt is cleared and separating because there's no spark. :huh:

The OP referred to the child as 'our son' in that thread.
As in:

jbkmum wrote: »

We actually have kept every single item of clothing from our son, and the cot - there isn't much we'd need other than a new cot mattress, bedding and bottles.

iammumtoone

Pollycat wrote: »

The last thread the OP started (just over 3 months ago) is interesting. :think:

A big step between whether to have a baby now or wait until some of the debt is cleared and separating because there's no spark. :huh:

The OP referred to the child as 'our son' in that thread.
As in:

I don't think thats unusual many couples when in difficulties think a baby will solve everything. And whist the husband may not be the biological father its nice that was referred to as 'our' son. When couples are splitting/separated very often one parent will refer to the child as 'theirs' even when both are biological parents.

Rosieandjim

Am I reading this wrong? Op are you 2 men married that have separated. Son is your biological son and you feel he may want to know why his biological mother left?

Mr.Generous

Rosieandjim wrote: »

Am I reading this wrong? Op are you 2 men married that have separated. Son is your biological son and you feel he may want to know why his biological mother left?

I can't work it out, OP is (something)mum so I assumed (what! how sexist) female, but birth mother … I think she has taken on someone else's son. Could be wrong.

jbkmum

Pollycat wrote: »

The last thread the OP started (just over 3 months ago) is interesting. :think:

A big step between whether to have a baby now or wait until some of the debt is cleared and separating because there's no spark. :huh:

The OP referred to the child as 'our son' in that thread.
As in:

It's not that uncommon to think a baby will solve problems. I have realised in that time that I was just trying to cover up the cracks in our relationship. We are keen to both be happy without prolonging something and ending up bitter as that won't be good for DS.

Mr.Generous wrote: »

I can't work it out, OP is (something)mum so I assumed (what! how sexist) female, but birth mother … I think she has taken on someone else's son. Could be wrong.

Sorry, was emotional when typing.
Son is my biological child. My husband adopted him so same parental rights. My son does not know that husband is not biological father, my concern was that if I were to leave - and then he finds out one day that husband is not biological father, he might be confused as to why his biological mother left (ie if I leave).

Then again who can predict the future!


It was my 30th birthday over the weekend and it was interesting because he had been given a couple of tasks to sort out by my best friend, like get a birthday cake and he just didn't do it. He told her he forgot it was my birthday, I know he ordered a present for me two days before. His heart was just not in it. And I don't blame him.

I also think he is clinically depressed and wonder if he has been for a few years as he also suffers with ED which must be devastating as a 29 year old. I feel I am partly to blame for the depression as I have not been a nice person over the past few years. It wasn't until I lost 6 stone that I found happiness, unfortunately that happiness just doesn't appear to be with him. I don't want him to spend the rest of his life with someone who just is not in love with him. He deserves to be with someone who thinks he is their world, and that person is not me.

jbkmum

An update.

I started my new job, my father lent me the money to cover the gap which I repaid.

We separated a month ago. I left the marital (rented) home and currently live with my best friend.

My ex claims universal credit and I have supported him in setting up a budget and I see my son when I can.

We agreed that we would divorce based on my unreasonable behaviour (as there is some) rather than wait two years.

However. This weekend I had a really bad tension headache so I took two cocodamol. I went to my old house, where he still lives. He wanted to talk about his budget. We went upstairs to discuss so it wasn't in front of our son. He asked at some point if we could kiss and I said no, we're not together and I don't want to cross a boundary with you. He said what would you do if I kissed you, I said I don't want you to kiss me.

I essentially fell asleep due to painkillers, and woke up to being sexually assaulted. One of the reasons I had gone to the house was to take them both to the supermarket and buy a grocery shop. Half way round I started trembling and shaking and he also seemed to "twig" he had done something bad.

Since then I have tried to cut contact with him and he has grovelled and said how much he hates himself but that he needs me to help him as he doesn't know how to look after himself.

My question to anyone who knows anything about divorce law, is can I divorce based on HIS unreasonable behaviour based on one instance of sexual assault. He has actually done it (sex whilst I am asleep, I woke up and never mentioned anything) multiple times before but I accepted it as part of our marriage.

I want to do whatever I can to get out of the marriage but I also want it to have the least effect on our son. I don't believe he is a risk to our son.

shiny76

If he has assaulted you, would you not report it to the police?

supermezzo

Sorry to be blunt about it, but far from wondering about divorce and blame, why on earth are you allowing your son to reside with a man who has, by your own admission, sexually assaulted you on more than one occasion? Do you want your son growing up, thinking that is the norm/ok/what men do?

jbkmum

supermezzo wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt about it, but far from wondering about divorce and blame, why on earth are you allowing your son to reside with a man who has, by your own admission, sexually assaulted you on more than one occasion? Do you want your son growing up, thinking that is the norm/ok/what men do?

At the moment my main concern is stability for my son, and I believe that is with his father. Yes he did what he did but he loves our son more than anything in the world and has been nothing but an excellent father.

I can't offer stability, I'm living in a friends house and I can't get home from work in time to pick my son up from school. I'm looking to change that, perhaps move close to my work and change schools but he is safe.

jbkmum

shiny76 wrote: »

If he has assaulted you, would you not report it to the police?

I don't really want to cause distress to my son, and this is something I can move on from. Its unlikely that there would be much outcome from it to be honest.

It bothers me but I've locked it away and am trying to deal with the practical side.