Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?
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if your daughter has found supporting herself too expensive, earns £20k a year & wants to come back home & live with you for free, she needs a reality check.
My parents took one third of my take home pay whilst I was working & lived at home, this gave me a great lesson in the worth of money, and what my mum did not use she gave back to me as a lump sum when I left home for good.
I will be treating my kids exactly the same once they are earning.0 -
Yes, sure, bring her into the world and then when you're fed up of looking after her,
nothing about the original post suggests they are sick of looking after her. they want her daughter to contribute to the additional costs they have to incur for her being there, which is entirely appropriate she is an adult.screw her for the same kind of nonsense private landlords would demand.
there is no contract. no deposit. no demand for rent. no references. this sentence is utter rubbishDid you plan what this extra money would be used for? Did you pay your parents?
Yes, it says so right there - to pay for the extra costs of her living there.
and whether they paid their parents is not relevant in this situation
Her age is also not relevant. and also 20k after tax is approx £1600 a month. she is very able to contribute.(And how old is she, and where does she live? And earning 20k is nothing in most big UK cities.)
earning 20k after tax is a decent to good wage, no matter where you are.I write in a rude fashion, I accept.
and yet you still do it.But I've been able to save up enough to move away properly through my parents taking the exact opposite approach to you.
i imagine 'properly' means saving a deposit for a house.
firstly, you don't gain independence by being dependent.It's made me regain my independence that was otherwise at the mercy of London landlords' whims.
secondly, you're assuming it's london.
thirdly, what whims?
you as a person are so entitled it makes my teeth itch0 -
This is a tough one, I’m a similar age to your daughter and have a lot of friends who have been through this and felt it was really unfair (I’m sure they won’t when they have their own kids), one had a major fall out with her mum after being asked to contribute, her argument was that she was saving for a house deposit to move out, and paying rent would only keep her home longer…
I think it’s right for her to contribute, the rule that went down best when parents said that their children could stay at home for free for as long as they were in full time education or unemployed, but expect a contribution when they’re earning.
One parent charged her daughter 25% of income, but I’d say charge £200-250 a month (if she’s saving for a house deposit, you could reduce it a bit, but if she’s not saving, increase a little).
If she’s arguing, I think you need to justify the cost for her – show her electricity & water bills from before and after she moved home, tell her she’s costing an extra £20 a week in food etc. and that you’re including a little overhead due to additional wear and tear. If she refuses to pay, then at the very least, tell her to buy her own food and give her a designated shelf in the fridge.0 -
A long time ago when I earned £25 a week on my YTS I had to pay a third to my parents, rent & food etc, one third I saved and one third I spent.
Your daughter will want to move out again one day, so prepare her for the future.0 -
So your daughter found the cost of independent living too high yet she think that should live rent free with you. She's living on another planet surely.
Give her a option:-
1. pay a set figure where everything is included
2. tell her that the room will cost £x, the bed will cost £x, meals will be £x, using the washing machine, watching TV, showering will be £x per item per use
3 she moves out and fends for herself
she will soon learn to understand that she needs to stand on her own too feet0 -
I have had this problem.
My daughter has had a good income and lived away from me for years. She is well aware that food and electricity and water (I am on a metered water supply) and Council Tax cost money.
If she returned, my Council Tax would go up by 25 percent, in my case because I am widowed and live alone I currently have a discount which would be cancelled if I have another person living with me. The increase would be £320 a year to £1240.
My weekly food bill, buying mostly supermarket own brand, averages £19 per week. This is increased when buying detergent, toilet paper, washing up liquid, dishwasher tablets and toilet cleaner etc which are an extra expense to be paid for.
I am careful with using electricity and central heating because of the cost of both. My daughter used to sit up until the early hours of the morning watching TV and using the electric fire and leaving lights on in every room with no regard to the cost. Electric powered shower every day, hair washing regularly, even electric toothbrush, all add to the cost of electricity.
Food has to be bought for her as well presumably.
Frankly I could not afford to have her back without some payment being agreed. To the people saying parents should not charge I say "Live in the real world, it costs more to house two than one " especially when she gets £20,000 a year. I get State retirement pension, I can't support her on that.
If she is so selfish as to sponge on poorer parents, shame on her. As others have said, show her the cost of living at home, ask for a fair amount to defray the cost, and if she does not like it, show her the door. She knows what it is like to live alone so must be aware that poorer parents can not afford to keep her for nothing.0 -
I wouldn't charge my daughter so long as I knew she was saving for the future and not just blowing the whole lot on clothes / drink etc.
The fact that you asked and she refused seems rather inconsiderate of her. I would question how much does she really cost you by being at home? A bit of extra water and a bit more food ? Can't be that draining?
I would be more assertive and when she does hand the cash over ( do a standing order so she can't forget) put it in a savings account without her knowing towards a deposit on a future house. I'd say £200 a month seems reasonable.0 -
My parents weren't very well off when I was growing up but they never pressured us to make any contributions. I was quite aware of my parents financial situation and made small contributions towards the mortgage, bills and food. If I remember correctly it was £100 a week. I started working when I was 18 and I am now 31. Obviously my salary has increased over the years. I have moved out and still help my parents out. We shouldn't forget the sacrifices our parents have made for us and should definitely give back.
Personally, I think you should sit her down and go through your monthly income and outgoings so that she appreciates your situation. You can then agree on a monthly amount.0 -
This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day.Fireflyaway wrote: »I would be more assertive and when she does hand the cash over ( do a standing order so she can't forget) put it in a savings account without her knowing towards a deposit on a future house.
So the parents should tighten their belts further while daughter gets to live for free? Bizarre.0 -
Given her net earnings, it strikes me that your daughter is being very selfish and is most definitely taking advantage of you.
I hope that you brought her up to respect the value of money and the generosity of others but, if you didn't, then maybe her attitude stems from what she learned and experienced from her peers. We all hear about the bank of Mum and Dad and youngsters living with their parents into their mid-late 30s, but a time has to come when they have to stand on their own two feet and not look to others to support them.
I do think you should sit her down one evening and show her what it is costing to run the home, and provide food for the table. That done, she ought to contribute at least one-quarter of the monthly outgoings which, whatever that comes to, will be significantly less than the rent and other expenses she was paying.
Might I suggest that you show her the door if she doesn't agree?0
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