Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

Schush

My son is 23 and pays us £200. This goes to bills and food (he eats for 3!). He still manages to pay for his car/phone/gym and save and has a good deposit already for his own house. I have also educated him in managing his money and choosing/switching savings accounts to maximise his interest.. Do we need it? No. But if he had his own place, he knows it would cost him a lot more and it is getting him used to managing his income. He is an adult, therefore needs to make adult choices and detatch from the apron strings, ready to fly the nest.
They will always be your child but you have to allow them to grow up and become responsible.

Silverbird

Yes, she should pay. Without question.

There is always a minority of people who answer this sort of question with shock and horror and even disgust that a parent could 'charge' their child, but I'm afraid I think it teaches a valuable lesson and is one I'm pleased I learned when my parents 'charged' me as soon as I was earning.

The jump from paying keep to my parents to independent living wasn't as much of a shock to me and it also made me appreciate my money much more, as I could see where a lot of it was going to have to go (food, bills etc). It also made me appreciate my parents more in that they still managed to take us on a holiday every year, despite all the bills and costs of living.

It's really not a big deal and at the end of the day if the child doesn't like it they can go back out and rent somewhere. I can guarantee it won't be as 'cheap' as what they'll be getting at home with parents.

At the end of the day you are bringing up a little child knowing that one day they will fly the nest and have their own, independent life and perhaps their own family. Nobody expects that child to still be living with them into their 30's and I worry that's exactly what could happen if they're not charged keep or else they'll have a heck of a shock when they do eventually move out.

Earning above £20,000 a year and paying a small amount for keep will leave more than enough to put some aside for a house deposit.

gerbiljo

My children are young so for us that is a theoretical answer. I would hope when they are thinking of buying their own property we are no longer owing money on our house. I can't see why I would be charging my kids gas/ electric as it's not going to cost that much more. If my daughters had a decent job I would charge them a fair whack, hard to say what right now and encourage them to save also for a deposit. It's not like I'd sublet their rooms! Any money I took from them would be going in the bank and when they wanted to move out again I would give them the lump sum as a deposit. There's no way I'd charge my kids who didn't ask to be born to live with me but I also need them to know they pay their way and that saving up is rewarding. However if I genuinely had not a penny to my name and was struggling I would also hope that they would have the values that they would every so often get a shop or help with jobs in the house, if that was the case then I might reduce the 'rent' so they still had their own money, although ultimately it would come out of their own fund in the long run

sherri01

When my children came back home it was always calculated by total household costs divided by number of people living in house. This was for any not in education so it encouraged my son to find a job and not stay in bed all day. All 3 of them thought this was fair as they could see where the money went. It also gave them the ability to respect and manage money

pollypenny

A mature adult should want to pay her way, not be treated like a child by her parents, living off them. She wouldn't accept them telling her what to wear, what time to come in at night.

£20,000 after tax is a fair salary - far too much to blow! She needs to grow up.

silvercar

Don't charge anything. Welcome your children into the family home. They will move out all too quickly.

hello_smiley90

A third of all bills including food if you buy the weekly shop! My brother moved back home after university and had a similar job. He paid my parents £350pm and still managed to go on holiday, nights out and in 2 years saved a £12000 deposit for a house. Not charging 'rent' doesn't prepare her for the real world. If you felt kind you could maybe save £100 of that money for her and give it to her if she decides to buy or rent in the future.

[Deleted User]

As someone who makes about 8k-10k a year in London (and I have remained at home.to.look after my elderly mother since we have no other family to help us) I would say your daughter has it good!

I wouldn't dream of living in my parents house at my age (mid thirties) without paying my way! I take care of all my mother's finances as well as my own, including paying about £50 a month towards bills and then about £200 a month towards shopping and things for the house. On top of which I spend money on.petrol because having a elderly parent I need to drive on order to.get her places otherwise she'd be stuck indoors! I would go on with what I actually do on a day to day basis other than my paid work but I don't want to.bore you

You don't say how old your daughter is and where you live, and you also don't say what your living circumstances are. Believe me if I was your daughter on 20k I'd give you rent money as it's far less than what landlords and renting agents ask for, even the % advance they ask for is unbelievable .

I'm unfortunately on the side of that if she won't pull her weight and give you something back that a little tough love might be for the best.

onlyroz

Use Spareroom and Gumtree etc to figure out how much you could rent out her room for. Then you could either charge her about 2/3 of this amount, or perhaps charge her 1/2 the amount if she agrees to save at least the other half each month towards a future house deposit.

julie777

It must be heartbreaking to find your beloved child has grown into such a self-centred adult. I do feel so sorry for you. I really hope she grows up soon and starts to appreciate you!