Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

NannySue

I think 25% of net income is a reasonable amount. I left school in 1965 and gave my mother 1/3rd of my weekly wage. The daughter can't expect to live rent free and should be willing to make a contribution.

Jupiter4

You chose to have kids out of love so don't switch that off just because your offspring's grown up and earning, or make parental love conditional on her paying you for living at home! Reducing relationships to a financial consideration isn't loving or encouraging your daughter to see beyond pound signs. Encourage her to save eg for a deposit instead with any spare cash :A

koru

Unless she has no income, I'd say that at a minimum she should pay enough to cover any extra costs you are incurring, so that you are no worse off. I'm guessing that is mainly food. You should be able to work this out from the till receipts.

Unless you are switching the heating on more, other bills (power, phone, broadband, rent/mortgage, water, council tax) won't be much different, so no need to include this if you just want to be no worse off. Maybe a few quid to cover extra hot water used, for showers.

If, however, unless you want her to pay a share, like a flat-sharer, include a third of those bills, too.

bertiewhite

I used to give my parents a third of what I earnt but when my steplad started earning, I asked him what he thought was a fair amount to pay us and I think he came up with around £200 per month which happened to be about a third of the council tax, utility & food bills if I remember correctly.

iclayt

I have never, ever expected or asked my parents for money... But:
When I moved to uni my parents insisted on paying my rent
They have always helped out when moving flats and I needed a deposit instantly
I have boomeranged back several times over the years and they have never let me pay any board

Subsequently I am terrible with money and struggle to save anything. You need to take something from her, however nominal. My parents wouldn't take it from me so I was lucky in one respect but never really appreciated how difficult life can be, financially. I'm more stable now but I wish I'd had a harder lesson earlier on. I think about 50 a week to start and review your costs TOGETHER after a few months to see if it's fair. She may not realise how big an impact moving back will have on you.

clogmaker

This is a tricky question and requires sensitivity, on all sides. After all, you have to live together and you are a family, not a business. However, bills are a reality! A calm frank discussion is required. Both sides need to prepare a list of financial needs. The young person will have his/her responsibilities and it is helpful to see these. It helps the parents to have a prepared statement of running costs, all of which would have to be paid were the young person to rent independently. Is food included? What contribution is expected towards household bills, chores, replacements etc. These costs need to be covered. £60-£80 per week, set up on direct debit is not unreasonable!
Any "surplus" could be returned if and when a house purchase is made.
We have both retired.
Three of our four children have now moved back home! They know the conditions and are respectful of our position. We encourage them to be prudent, enjoy life, share and save. We have helped the fourth child to buy a home and are keen to help the others to do likewise. They each have a HTB ISA to which they contribute £200 per month.
I wish you a smooth negotiation.

Organicallsorts

Surely one of the responsibilities of being a parent is to bring up their children to be independent and self sufficient, paying their way is part of this. I paid my parents 50% of my wages plus a contribution to the TV rental (this was 55 years ago I may add). It came as a shock at first but gave me a real boost into adulthood and managing money wisely. I certainly did not love them less and really appreciate what they did as I now know that what I have achieved is due to my own efforts and that I was not subsidised by my parents. This has given me a core of confidence and a "can do" attitude that no-one can take away so is worth every penny. My concern today is that we seem to be ending up with a generation of needy, dependent people lacking money awareness and self sufficiency who do not want to grow up, do we really want this? My kids had to pay 20% of their wages into the household kitty (I did as well) before they moved out, to cover all the outgoings of the flat, plus buy their own food and felt this was a fair system. I am also reassured that when I die they will be able to look after themselves properly.

Queen_Kong

Work out what it's costing you to have your daughter back home i.e, extra energy and water costs, possible extra council tax, food, laundry etc. then arrive at a weekly/monthly figure.
Given her income something between £200 and £400 per calendar month would be reasonable. Present her with the evidence.
Also, it's possible that your daughter has got into debt (credit cards?) trying to keep up with her friends. Broach the subject as gently as you can but accept that she may not be ready to seek help, even from her parents

Pollycat

Maybe the best advice for the person with the MMD is to explain how the 'search' function works.

Lots of threads on how much board/rent to charge adult children:

Here's 2 to be going on with:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5593151

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5586899

WibblyGirly

This question has been done so much here. Choose something else for people to argue about.