Whats fair?/ splitting finances

Markneath · 11 September 2019 at 9:15PM

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years after previously getting divorced and she’s mentioned moving in together.
This sounds ok to me until we get onto the topic of money.
I currently take home 2100 per month working 40 hours per week continental shifts, i pay my ex 280 towards our 2 children each month and have them 2-3 times per week, i also pay some other costs for my children over the course of the month/year.
My girlfriend currently works 18 hours per week days where the hours are very flexible and has 2 children, if she moves in with me she would lose tax credits and some housing benefit but would have a total of about 1350 per month available to her from pay, child benefits, maintenance etc.
My thoughts are i dont mind paying a few hundred more towards the bills but work more than twice the hours she does so if she wants more money should increase her hours, she likes an extra day off each week and only does 4.5 hours the other days.
My girlfriend takes the opinion that all our money should be split 50/50. Then i may my maintenance etc out of my share. The maximum she’s prepared to work is 24 hours.
Thoughts and opinions on this please?

ceb1995 · 11 September 2019 at 9:32PM

Markneath wrote: »

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years after previously getting divorced and she’s mentioned moving in together.
This sounds ok to me until we get onto the topic of money.
I currently take home 2100 per month working 40 hours per week continental shifts, i pay my ex 280 towards our 2 children each month and have them 2-3 times per week, i also pay some other costs for my children over the course of the month/year.
My girlfriend currently works 18 hours per week days where the hours are very flexible and has 2 children, if she moves in with me she would lose tax credits and some housing benefit but would have a total of about 1350 per month available to her from pay, child benefits, maintenance etc.
My thoughts are i dont mind paying a few hundred more towards the bills but work more than twice the hours she does so if she wants more money should increase her hours, she likes an extra day off each week and only does 4.5 hours the other days.
My girlfriend takes the opinion that all our money should be split 50/50. Then i may my maintenance etc out of my share. The maximum she’s prepared to work is 24 hours.
Thoughts and opinions on this please?

it's down to what will work for you both really, will she be caring for the children and therefore cutting childcare costs by working less hours?

suki1964 · 11 September 2019 at 9:35PM

Id be wondering why she cant be working more hours tbh

I mean we all would like to have extra days off, Indeed I do, which is all well and good if you can afford too ( I can ) but it seems that without the help of benefits, or you making up the difference, she actually cant

ska_lover · 11 September 2019 at 9:45PM

I'd go 50% split on the bills - and then both can work whatever hours they want without acrimony from the other

Then she can be around for her kids. They are only young once.

and to be honest, as long as everyone can pay their fair share of the bills, working hours shouldn't even come in to it IMO

Markneath · 11 September 2019 at 9:51PM

She would care for her children not mine,(children are in school during the day including her Friday off)

Shes not cutting her hours, shes worked 18 hours for years with tax credits top ups etc. I have my children around my shifts so her working part time is of no benefit to me.
She could work 30 hours without needing child care just using breakfast club which she already does.

Suki i think its just a case of 13 years of part time hours and liking the lifestyle it allows her.
What you said is basically what i think but ends in an argument when i say that to her.

Mojisola · 11 September 2019 at 9:54PM

As the children are at school and she has a free day, is she going to be responsible for the bulk of the household chores?

It sounds as if she wants you to take over from the taxpayers in subsidising her short working week.

Markneath · 11 September 2019 at 9:59PM

Its not the 50/50 on bills bit thats the problem its the fact she wants our money split 50/50 while working less than half the hours I do.
She would see no less of her children working 30 hours than 18 or 24 hours as her kids are at school from 8:20 to 3:20.

Debbie1980 · 11 September 2019 at 10:17PM

How would the household chores be divided?

Markneath · 11 September 2019 at 10:30PM

Im more than capable of looking after myself and would do my share.

maman · 11 September 2019 at 10:32PM

I think you're being very sensible to think about this before moving in together.

I've often posted on similar threads that I really don't see why anyone should expect to, to put it bluntly, be subsidised by their partner. It's similar to free loading IMO. Women have fought long and hard for equality and it irritates me when some expect a man to 'keep' them.

Conversely I'd expect you to share household tasks so I wouldn't count doing household chores as a reason for paying more of the bills.

Of course there are exceptions like ill health or when a couple have made a decision to have children together but that doesn't apply here as she has childcare in place.

As another poster said she seems to want you to fill the gap in her income that is currently paid by the tax payer (like me :mad:).

Personally I wouldn't want to fund her lifestyle but I'm not emotionally involved with her.

sevenhills · 11 September 2019 at 10:32PM

Markneath wrote: »

My girlfriend takes the opinion that all our money should be split 50/50. Then i may my maintenance etc out of my share. The maximum she’s prepared to work is 24 hours.
Thoughts and opinions on this please?

You need to be able to agree, you will be living as a couple. I have never been in that situation, but surely the person with responibility for the children should work less, regardless of who the parent is.

Whats fair?/ splitting finances

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