I want to believe I can do this!

raldo · 19 August 2018 at 10:22PM

It is hard going watching every penny but it will be worth it in the end. You just need to take the good days when they come and look at the positives... maybe I should start listening to myself!! The fact that you are going to clear some more on payday is amazing ... keep going xx

pidge04 · 20 August 2018 at 6:58AM

Oh dear. I just started my budget plan for September. Terrible! Even if I pay minimum payments on everything, the numbers do not add up. September is a horribly expensive month for me every year (parent birthday, child birthday, school uniform, payment of childcare etc). MOT. Husband is away for half of September so all the food bills are mine. I can plan and budget well for food. I should have seen this coming and been better prepared. I think, realistically, I am going to have to take a month off seriously debt-busting and just get through the month really. In past years, some of the expenses for September would have gone on a credit card but that definitely will not be happening this year. I think I need to start a spreadsheet looking at all the months in the year.

LexieLou · 20 August 2018 at 8:28PM

Hey Pidge,

You are doing amazingly well, can I have some of your motivation?

LL xx

redofromstart · 20 August 2018 at 8:36PM

Sometimes all you can do Pidge is to tread water. Try and get through the month as lightly as you can, maybe make it a game with yourself to break even?

WelshKitty85 · 20 August 2018 at 10:03PM

Hi Pidge,

I've just read through your diary and wanted to say how well you are doing. I did worry for you a little reading some of your posts. You are doing so well tackling this on your own, and I admire your determination to work so hard to pay down your debts. But please remember to take some time for yourself. Have a bubble bath, read a book, enjoy a cup of tea in peace...just look after yourself.

ftbwannabe · 21 August 2018 at 5:51PM

Like you say, the very fact that in previous years a month like that would have crushed your cards & this time it won't be as bad as that. that's fab in itself & that's enough.
Like the others have said, make sure you take care of yourself. You'll be fine, just head through this knowing you'll catch some flak but that's life. Don't be down on yourself, you've done amazingly, done it by yourself, and if you are too hard you might relapse into spending.

A month by month list of hotspots does sound like a good idea, I agree.

SavingAFuture · 22 August 2018 at 11:04AM

Looking at what you spend over a whole year, rather than just month-to-month is a great idea. I've started putting a little bit away each month to cover my hobby that costs me approx. £60 twice a year. It kept sneaking up on me every 6 months, but next time I will have the money popped aside ready!
Perhaps you could do something similar to smooth out those expensive months?
You should feel very proud that you are not just reaching for the credit cards though.
Best wishes,
SaF x

LexieLou · 22 August 2018 at 9:59PM

Hey, only popping in to say hello xx

pidge04 · 23 August 2018 at 10:27PM

I am afraid I fell off the MSE wagon this week. I am not going to beat myself up too badly about it. I have used money from our savings which I will pay back. I could have used the money I am going to pay back to reduce my debt and I will feel bad about it in the coming months. I know that I will for sure. Not sure what happened exactly. I have been so consumed with worry about my daughter - worrying about EVERYTHING about her - that I temporarily stopped worrying so much about my debt. I have said yes to a couple of impromptu meet ups with friends so it has been bits of money here and there which we know all add up. It was nice though and it is done. I just have to move forwards. Pay day tomorrow. A fresh start. My holiday work ends on Sunday morning so I will be able to focus my energies on looking for new sources of income and selling stuff on eBay etc again.
I have felt terribly anxious at times this week and also inexplicably sad at times. Bad dreams too.
I had a very, very, very bad spell of I am not quite sure what - depression or anxiety, burn out, stress - a few years ago and I worry when this happens in case I am going back to that frightening time. I looked up a local counselling service the other day. It might be helpful to talk to someone. My husband is away and I am harbouring all sorts of resentments about him. I wonder whether this is the time to raise my feelings with him and our future together.
Sorry - not very MSE related but a snapshot of where I am.
Back to this business tomorrow.

GlendaSugarbean · 24 August 2018 at 7:12AM

Take care of yourself Pidge. I do think wobbles are a necessary part of the journey (says she who has had a 2-week one

). Deep breaths and one thing at a time. If you are feeling anxious and stressed, this may not be the best time for radical decisions. Can you do something nice for you today?

I want to believe I can do this!

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