Sadly too late for me

Hi Martin
You have been given some great advice and support above - please act on it.
It says a lot that you posted to try to help other people - think how much more help you will be able to offer others troubled by debt and bereavement when you are feeling better.
The world, your friends, your dog - all need you.

Hi Martin,

I know you've had a wealth of help and responses from the above forum members, but I thought I would add my two cents: I too was in the endless cycle of spending/depression, and soon had to teach myself that the five minute euphoria I get buying a new pair of trainers isn't worth the stress that will soon follow.

The Samaritans are a fantastic charity. I suffered from depression due to my mum having breast cancer (thankfully, not fatal) and my parents splitting. I also lost about five family members in the space of six years: it was gut wrenching. Friends soon got tired of me (in hindsight, not brilliant friends compared to the ones I have now) and the Samaritans were a real human connection. It felt wonderful to empty my head onto them and after every phone call I walked away feeling considerably lighter. I also used their text service if I found myself on the verge of panic at work.

I went to my GP, too, who put me on 50mg of Sertraline (which I have been off for about a year now) and they gave me a Healthy Minds card who I called straight away and got put on a course of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which helped a lot with my self-esteem, underlying issues and addressed a lot of things I had carried forward from my past. I also had bereavement counselling.

I was in debt to the tune of £7,000 short-term (so less than you) made up of catalogues, overdraft, credit cards and payday loans I had resorted to.

I'm now only in debt with car finance and my Masters loan - both long term and very manageable - and one store card. All of which I can pay off.

I cut all of my credit cards up, and although I'm sometimes tempted when I see a payday loan ad on the telly, a quick 5-minute talking to makes me realise it's not worth it for the sake of that five minute euphoria in an existence I otherwise, once upon a time, found dreadful.

I now have a mortgage, and my dog who helped me through those dark days lives with me and my partner: I'm glad I never gave it all up.

My point is: you can get out of this and you will. And if you ever want to talk, I'm happy to. I'm no expert on money matters compared to some better equipped posters on here: but I can help with mental health, should you want me to.

Take care x

I just hope he is ok

Hi

Not sure if you are reading responses to this but I just wanted to say that I have been in a similar situation to you, high levels of debt and it seemed the only way to free myself from it was to remove myself from the equation completely. I felt like a poor excuse for a man

Luckily, I had a good support network around me, and my doctor even helped me fill out my aplication to Stepchange! Its a really weird feeling when your Debt Management Plan is set up, like a rock is being lifted off your chest and you can finally breathe. I also discovered that the debt had caused me to fall into depression.

Message me if you want to talk. I note you posted a similar message in 2017, which makes me think you do want help, which is good. There is always a way forward MArtin