Etiquette regarding discussing things that people are not invited to in front of them

Person_one wrote: »

I think numbers make a difference.

If there were 3 or 4 of you present, and 2 of you discussed your plans that the third or fourth wasn't invited to, that would be rude. If there are 25 in the office, 2 of you discussing your weekend plans is not rude.

In a small office I would probably be careful not to discuss plans in the situation you described. Having said that in my most offices I have worked in people who weren't invited to events were usually not invited for a reason. Either the other colleagues were all friends outside work or that person has never accepted invitations in the past so everyone assumes they don't want to be friends.

I have been in offices where some people were careful not to talk about social stuff some of them had done together. I actually think it was always more awkward because there would often be a panicked silence when someone asked what people had done at the weekend. Or someone would accidentally say something that indicated they had seen each other socially. That was far more awkward than people just openly chatting about it!

In a group setting I think it's rather rude to discuss things that some people can enjoy but not others.

I wouldn't discuss my holiday to the USA in anything more than a fleeting reference with someone I knew would struggle to afford a UK weekend away - for example. Discussing social events not everyone else can attend falls into the same catagory. A brief reference to it - yes- Prattling on and on about it -No. Plenty of other things to talk about.

I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest, and to be honest the thing I find surprising is not that other people chat about their social lives together, but that the OP remembers something from 'several years ago' relating to this situation. That is really startling to me, mind you, I'm not a big one for socialising with people just because I happen to work with them, nor do I particularly enjoy weddings other than for very close friends/family at the best of times. When I'm at work I focus on getting the job so I can get finished and get out - and back to people I DO want to spend time with!

ravilious_fan wrote: »

Office environments can get very petty. If there is an office of 16 women and you invite 10 of them and leave out the other 6, and then go round talking about the event in front of the ones who weren't invited it's like rubbing their noses in it.

pollypenny wrote: »

Yes, absolutely!

Rude and hurtful, unless the person not going was simply unable to attend.

MoaningMyrtle wrote: »

It smacks of playground politics when certain girls had a birthday party and excluded others to specifically hurt their feelings and have control of the other girls . Hurtful and incredibly immature.

I agree.

If say, 4 or 5 people/friends have arranged something together (in an office of say 20,) and they are talking about it, then that's cool. But in an office of 16, if only 6 have been left out of a celebration that the other 10 have been invited to, and the other 10 are giggling and chatting about how amazing and exciting it's going to be, then that is thoughtless and inconsiderate at best; plain mean and spiteful at worst.

Same with the OP's friend; if all the people in question were blathering about a wedding they were all going to, that she was not invited to; that was rude IMO. Not plain nasty in this case, but quite rude. (Even if she didn't know the bride and groom too well.) If it had been me, I would have made my excuses and left, because the conversation would have not interested me if I was not included in the event.

mandragora wrote: »

I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest, and to be honest the thing I find surprising is not that other people chat about their social lives together, but that the OP remembers something from 'several years ago' relating to this situation. That is really startling to me,

Why?

What is so "startling" about someone remembering something from several years ago? Especially if they were a bit hurt by it. Why on earth would someone NOT remember it? I doubt if the OP stays awake at night dwelling on it; more likely she just thought about it when her friend told her of her experience.

mandragora wrote: »

Because personally I wouldn't have given it a second thought - it seems such a trivial thing to be thinking about. Work socialising; petty office politics - nothing to worry about at the time, and certainly not something to still carry with you 'several years' later. The OP was wondering what everyone's opinions were on this - I gave mine.

As I said, I doubt very much that the OP does give it a second thought usually, but when an almost identical situation came up, she remembered it. I don't see what was so strange about that at all. :huh: