Etiquette regarding discussing things that people are not invited to in front of them

michelle2008

Unless there could be no possible expectation if an invite (for example the person not invited had never met the individual hosting the event) then yes it demonstrates poor manners.

It could simply be a lack of sensitivity on the part if those discussing the plans, or a throw back to the school yard 'in-crowd' mentality. Either way it is rude.

It isn't relevant if the left out individual had an expectation of being invited - or even wanted to go - it is a way of excluding that individual by highlighting their exclusion and therefore making them feel awkward.

Miss manners would be appalled!!!

TBagpuss

From a strict etiquette standpoint, it is considered rude to dicsuss an event in front of people who have not been invited to it, either before or after the event.

Like a lot of strict etiquette rules, it isn't necessarily followed!

in practive, I would say that where the majority of a group is invited / attended an event, then it is rude to discuss it in front of the minority in the group who weren't, not least because it excludes them from the conversation.

If there is a small group which is invited but the majority weren't, then I think it is far less rude, becuae it is far less 'pointed' and less likely to leave those who were not invited feeling left out.

I thin kthat it also makes a differnece if there are differing relationships between the people concerned - inviting 5 out of 6 of the people you share an office with is almost always going to appear unkind, and talkin about the event is almost always going to be rude. However, if you happen to work with 3 people who are close friends and 3 who aren't, then an invitation to the three you are close to, exlcuding the other 3, is likely to be less offensive.

Similarly, if you are meetign upo with just one other person then that is far less likely than if the invitation os for a group, but the group excludes some people who might reasonaby expect to be part of it.

takman

If your sensitive enough to think it's rude to discuss plans then maybe that's why your not invited to these events! Lol.

I really can't see a problem with discussing things around people that are not invited. I like to hear about what people are getting up to and where they are going, I find it interesting. Maybe you just need to change your attitude to invitations!. I personally don't expect to be invited to any event and then when I do get an invitation I'm grateful to receive it. This means that I'm never disappointed and I'm not jelous of other people attending the event!.

But this reminds me of a workmates birthday party a few years ago. Me and another workmate copied someone else invitation and gave it to a friend who wasn't invited with their name on it. We then encouraged him to go and discuss with the person about the details. As you can imagine it was a pretty amusing conversation!.

Pollycat

takman wrote: »

If your sensitive enough to think it's rude to discuss plans then maybe that's why your not invited to these events! Lol.

I really can't see a problem with discussing things around people that are not invited. I like to hear about what people are getting up to and where they are going, I find it interesting. Maybe you just need to change your attitude to invitations!. I personally don't expect to be invited to any event and then when I do get an invitation I'm grateful to receive it. This means that I'm never disappointed and I'm not jelous of other people attending the event!.

But this reminds me of a workmates birthday party a few years ago. Me and another workmate copied someone else invitation and gave it to a friend who wasn't invited with their name on it. We then encouraged him to go and discuss with the person about the details. As you can imagine it was a pretty amusing conversation!.

I really can't imagine that it was amusing.
It sounds a pretty cruel stunt to pull.

I do agree with your earlier points though.

takman

Pollycat wrote: »

I really can't imagine that it was amusing.
It sounds a pretty cruel stunt to pull.

Both guys involved also found it quite amusing after they realised what had happened!. It wasn't a case of teasing someone because they weren't invited, because I wasn't invited either and neither was the other person involved.

Basically it all came down to the guy going to speak to the guy whos birthday it is. He approached him with the fake invitation in hand and asked about whether or not he could also catch the bus that was picking up other people (there was no bus).

It may be slightly childish but it kept us all amused!

Pollycat

takman wrote: »

Both guys involved also found it quite amusing after they realised what had happened!. It wasn't a case of teasing someone because they weren't invited, because I wasn't invited either and neither was the other person involved.

Basically it all came down to the guy going to speak to the guy whos birthday it is. He approached him with the fake invitation in hand and asked about whether or not he could also catch the bus that was picking up other people (there was no bus).

It may be slightly childish but it kept us all amused!

I guess you had to be there. <cue roll-eyes smiley>

Dustyblinds

A girl at work who used to be very moody and constantly falling out with people was organising a party for her 30th birthday. A few weeks prior she had spoken to me pretty rudely in front of other colleges and I reported her to our line manager. She invited most of the work force that were speaking to her, but not me and a bloke in particular who she openly didn't like and was constantly falling out with. At every opportunity, she talked about said party, constantly asking people if they were coming, and going on about how good a time they were going to have. Even if I had been invited, I wouldn't have gone, so her spite was lost on me and certainly the bloke.
This girl has mellowed considerably, I think it was a case of, shape up or ship out. However, when she's organising her 40th I couldn't care less if I'm invited or not, I still won't go.

Kim_kim

Honestly I wouldn't give it a second thought.
I'm there to work - not socialise!

PenguinOfDeath

I can only see this being an issue for females in a workplace. I honestly can't think of any male that would be affected by this.

inkie

Yes it is rude. I wouldn't do it