Etiquette regarding discussing things that people are not invited to in front of them

MoaningMyrtle

It smacks of playground politics when certain girls had a birthday party and excluded others to specifically hurt their feelings and have control of the other girls . Hurtful and incredibly inmature.

thorsoak

Would it be preferable to stop a conversation when those not invited appeared on the scene?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Might have bothered me when I was six and not invited to a birthday party.

pathtofreedom

There was a thread the other day about someone worried about people at work whispering together, and being excluded from conversations. Would you rather people did that as I think that would seem more excluding to the people not invited. It might make them paranoid as they might not be bothered if they realised it was just about an event they weren't going to.

If it was me and I walked into a room and everyone clammed up, I think that would worry me more, than just hearing people being happy about something even if I wasn't going.

Robisere

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Might have bothered me when I was six and not invited to a birthday party.

My thoughts exactly! Would not bother me in the slightest. Remember the old saying, cannot recall the source, something like this:

"Why I would not want to join a club that wants me for a member?!"

krlyr

I have a couple of colleagues at work that I would mix with socially outside of work. I wouldn't think twice about discussing our weekend plans in the office, amongst other people who aren't invited. Those people are not exactly in a rush to invite me to their social events - we're friendly at work but not to the point we'd meet up outside of it, and I'm not offended by that so wouldn't imagine they're offended either!

Would you think it rude to tell your colleagues you were on a date with your partner when they weren't joining you? Or that you're going to a family event, obviously without any colleagues? As long as you're not purposely excluding a colleague to be !!!!!y, I don't see that it's an issue.

ravilious_fan

Office environments can get very petty. If there is an office of 16 women and you invite 10 of them and leave out the other 6, and then go round talking about the event in front of the ones who weren't invited it's like rubbing their noses in it.

Not quite as rude, though, as my student acquaintances (I hesitate to call them friends) who discussed whether or not they were going to go to someone's birthday party, right in front of her!

Person_one

krlyr wrote: »

I have a couple of colleagues at work that I would mix with socially outside of work. I wouldn't think twice about discussing our weekend plans in the office, amongst other people who aren't invited. Those people are not exactly in a rush to invite me to their social events - we're friendly at work but not to the point we'd meet up outside of it, and I'm not offended by that so wouldn't imagine they're offended either!

Would you think it rude to tell your colleagues you were on a date with your partner when they weren't joining you? Or that you're going to a family event, obviously without any colleagues? As long as you're not purposely excluding a colleague to be !!!!!y, I don't see that it's an issue.

I think numbers make a difference.

If there were 3 or 4 of you present, and 2 of you discussed your plans that the third or fourth wasn't invited to, that would be rude. If there are 25 in the office, 2 of you discussing your weekend plans is not rude.

onlyroz

Would I feel offended if some people talked in front of me about a wedding or party of somebody I didn't know very well? Absolutely not.

pollypenny

krlyr wrote: »

I have a couple of colleagues at work that I would mix with socially outside of work. I wouldn't think twice about discussing our weekend plans in the office, amongst other people who aren't invited. Those people are not exactly in a rush to invite me to their social events - we're friendly at work but not to the point we'd meet up outside of it, and I'm not offended by that so wouldn't imagine they're offended either!

Would you think it rude to tell your colleagues you were on a date with your partner when they weren't joining you? Or that you're going to a family event, obviously without any colleagues? As long as you're not purposely excluding a colleague to be !!!!!y, I don't see that it's an issue.

It depends. If you're in a group which is apparently very friendly, you have your lunch together, maybe exchange birthday cards/presents etc, it would be surprising and hurtful to be left out of an event.

It happened to me with a hen do; not an over-nighter involving an hotel, but something which was not limited on numbers.