Pyscho flatmate - what to do

Anglea · 18 August 2017 at 12:39PM

When I lived in a house of strangers I don't remember putting my toiletries in the bathroom in fact I don't think anyone did. It's better that way because you then you don't worry if anyone is using your stuff - that used to happen in the kitchen.

Re living for another 6 months with that woman. It's far easier to try and be friendly towards her - ask if she wants to go out for a drink sometime or something - than feel like you're walking on eggshells and dread everytime you go home.

moneyistooshorttomention · 18 August 2017 at 1:02PM

fairy_lights wrote: »

Why did you take photos of the toiletries? That seems a bit odd and passive aggressive. You could have just said 'Do you mind clearing a bit of space in the bathroom' and left it at that.

I don't think taking photos of the toiletries was the worlds best idea.

It wouldnt have occurred to me to do so. I'd just think "5 people sharing this bathroom means I get one-fifth of the shelf space in it" and just put my stuff on one-fifth of the shelf space. If that meant having to "shove up" other people's stuff a bit - then surely they would have expected that (ie should have already ensured your share of space was available for you to use).

EDIT; Though, having said that, I never used to put my toiletries into the shared bathrooms anyway back when I was living in "grotty Bedsitland" due to security concerns about them maybe going walkabout.

Fast forward a few years - and I was taking in lodgers in my own house (which I owned) - so obviously I kept all my toiletries in my own bathroom. Yep...there was plenty of space for them to keep theirs there as well. I did find that - even though I was the home-owner in that situation - that a bottle of my shampoo had gone down a lot and I knew it wasnt down to me using it (as I was using a different bottle). At that point I realised the lodger had been stealing some of it from me.

NinaSwiss · 18 August 2017 at 1:31PM

I never left my toiletries in the bathroom in past sharing accommodation and I've also lived in over 10 different places over the years. Still don't now that I own as I typically have 1 or 2 lodgers at a time and bathroom is on the small side.

Also in this situation(especially having just recently joined a pre-existing/established group/click) I would have just appealed to them in person.

NinaSwiss · 18 August 2017 at 1:42PM

Just go to them in person and say..." hey how are you...I'm sorry if my text message offended you... that wasn't the intention... It's just that I am struggling for space to put my stuff in the bathroom . I have no idea what is yours but do you think you might be able make some room for me to put my stuff ?"

If the response is yes ... then great. If it is no then just say ok no worries, I'll see if I can get a hanging toiletry bag to put on the wall.... and do just that... you will be out in 6 months anyway.

IAmWales · 18 August 2017 at 2:05PM

Maybe she is OCD and has anger management issues.

You can't *be* OCD. She may have OCD, that would need to be diagnosed by a mental health practitioner, not a flat mate.

I'd be interested to hear her side of this. Maybe she has issues with the passive aggressive new housemate who sends round pictures of toiletries asking people to own up? Who knows.

Akahotpot · 18 August 2017 at 2:27PM

Come on ,you've used her ball deodorant "literally" haven't you

My advice is make another straight up apology but then state you consider the matter at an end and how so manages her feelings is solely her affair but you wont be altering your day to day conduct

lincroft1710 · 18 August 2017 at 2:27PM

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,

gosh. I thought house sharing was like this.

I think you're still living in the mid 1970s!

Red-Squirrel_2 · 18 August 2017 at 2:30PM

DSmiffy wrote: »

I can't see a problem with taking a photo of the toiletries,

No, it's definitely odd, think I'd be a bit weirded out if a new housemate moved in and before even settling in for a few days was photographing my shampoo!

hammy1988 · 18 August 2017 at 2:42PM

Personally, if it was me. I'd have called her out when she first threatened (but that's just me lol, bit short tempered myself...). But, you have to live with her for the time being, so I would just for an easier life, choose to be the bigger person and ignore her and grit your teeth for the time being with the whole bathroom situation. I wouldn't want any of my stuff left around in a communal bathroom at all, even more so with volatile people living there.

Do not feel like you have to go out all the time though, she will feel as if she has intimidated you and bullies love this. Just carry on living your life as you would, and just take no notice.

parkrunner · 18 August 2017 at 2:56PM

If she kicks off again just stand there with a big grin on your face. It probably won't solve anything but will wind her up something awful. She may however realise how stupid she is and then laugh along with you.

Pyscho flatmate - what to do

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