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Pyscho flatmate - what to do
little_tortilla
Posts: 10 Forumite
Hi
I moved in to a flat share last week, in zone 2 with 4 other people already living there. 3 guys and 1 girl. I have been renting and living in probably 10 flat shares over 14 years. During that time I have made some really good friends. Other times, I have come across the odd passive aggressive flatmate who doesn’t like to communicate except through rude post it notes.
I am in my 30s so am well versed on the risks of living with strangers. The house itself is old and in a bit of disrepair, and also is generally not very clean. However the rent is cheap and close to zone 2. However, after my first few days, I was on the group chat and I suggested that maybe we could have a look at the communal areas because there was no obvious space for me to put anything down in the bathroom.
I didn’t get much of a response, but then I figured because everyone has different schedules, so maybe it would be better if I take photos of the toiletries and people can say if its theres or not. Anyway, that was a HUGE mistake because one girl turned very aggressive, saying taking a photo of her toiletries was an invasion of privacy. Its in the communal area and didn’t contain anything ‘sensitive’ – shower get, hair stuff.
She said I haven’t been here long so I don’t know how things work and then she basically started shouting out me, and said if I ever decide to move anything (let alone take a picture of toiletries) she will go mental. She technically already did – she was shouting and swearing at me. I was in abit of shock!I had good intentions but she wouldnt accept any apology.
I figured she was being territorial and perhaps because people don’t like change. Maybe she is OCD and has anger management issues.
I signed a 6 month contract but I lived with one woman years ago who had depression and was very passive aggressive. It killed the atmosphere in the house. I didn’t want to go home in the evenings, and when I did, my flatmate was aggressive and would cry in her room very loudly, yet complain if anyone made so much as a sound.
Then I did anything so much as breath the wrong way, she would have a go at me, and my other flatmate – to name a few things. It was a years contract, but I decided after 7 months to leave (with a £300 penalty) but it was worth it. My other flatmate, who had enough as well and we both ended up leaving on exactly the same day.
Due to that past experience, I'm bit worried now to even enter the kitchen if my new flatmate is there. I spoke to the others (all men) and they said shes abit fiery, and that’s just what shes like.
To be fair, it was probably not something Id ever do again. Id never chose to ask others to even claim their stuff (let alone clean it) because you never know how people are going to react especially if you’re new and they have been there for years. But its for the good of the house but still!
The rent is cheap, so I could move again. However I have already planned to move in with my boyfriend in 6 months so I wonder if I should just wait it out, whilst walking on egg shells if I somehow manage to set her off again. Since I am close to the city, I was planning on going out more and seeing my friends, and going dancing, and staying over at my boyfriends anyway, regardless of any aggressive flatmates.
Its also close to work, yet, I'm concerned that eventually when I have to go home, shes going to just find stuff that I've ever managed to do wrong and just be aggressive – because women with other women can be caty,
I don’t know if I can live that way even for 6 months. I don't need any drama. life's too short for that and I wasn't intentionally try to ruffle any feathers. Its a bad start to 6 months.
What do you think I should do?
I moved in to a flat share last week, in zone 2 with 4 other people already living there. 3 guys and 1 girl. I have been renting and living in probably 10 flat shares over 14 years. During that time I have made some really good friends. Other times, I have come across the odd passive aggressive flatmate who doesn’t like to communicate except through rude post it notes.
I am in my 30s so am well versed on the risks of living with strangers. The house itself is old and in a bit of disrepair, and also is generally not very clean. However the rent is cheap and close to zone 2. However, after my first few days, I was on the group chat and I suggested that maybe we could have a look at the communal areas because there was no obvious space for me to put anything down in the bathroom.
I didn’t get much of a response, but then I figured because everyone has different schedules, so maybe it would be better if I take photos of the toiletries and people can say if its theres or not. Anyway, that was a HUGE mistake because one girl turned very aggressive, saying taking a photo of her toiletries was an invasion of privacy. Its in the communal area and didn’t contain anything ‘sensitive’ – shower get, hair stuff.
She said I haven’t been here long so I don’t know how things work and then she basically started shouting out me, and said if I ever decide to move anything (let alone take a picture of toiletries) she will go mental. She technically already did – she was shouting and swearing at me. I was in abit of shock!I had good intentions but she wouldnt accept any apology.
I figured she was being territorial and perhaps because people don’t like change. Maybe she is OCD and has anger management issues.
I signed a 6 month contract but I lived with one woman years ago who had depression and was very passive aggressive. It killed the atmosphere in the house. I didn’t want to go home in the evenings, and when I did, my flatmate was aggressive and would cry in her room very loudly, yet complain if anyone made so much as a sound.
Then I did anything so much as breath the wrong way, she would have a go at me, and my other flatmate – to name a few things. It was a years contract, but I decided after 7 months to leave (with a £300 penalty) but it was worth it. My other flatmate, who had enough as well and we both ended up leaving on exactly the same day.
Due to that past experience, I'm bit worried now to even enter the kitchen if my new flatmate is there. I spoke to the others (all men) and they said shes abit fiery, and that’s just what shes like.
To be fair, it was probably not something Id ever do again. Id never chose to ask others to even claim their stuff (let alone clean it) because you never know how people are going to react especially if you’re new and they have been there for years. But its for the good of the house but still!
The rent is cheap, so I could move again. However I have already planned to move in with my boyfriend in 6 months so I wonder if I should just wait it out, whilst walking on egg shells if I somehow manage to set her off again. Since I am close to the city, I was planning on going out more and seeing my friends, and going dancing, and staying over at my boyfriends anyway, regardless of any aggressive flatmates.
Its also close to work, yet, I'm concerned that eventually when I have to go home, shes going to just find stuff that I've ever managed to do wrong and just be aggressive – because women with other women can be caty,
I don’t know if I can live that way even for 6 months. I don't need any drama. life's too short for that and I wasn't intentionally try to ruffle any feathers. Its a bad start to 6 months.
What do you think I should do?
0
Comments
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little_tortilla wrote: »What do you think I should do?
Give her a good telling off, and tell her not to try and bully you in future as next time it won't be a verbal slap she gets?
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What do I think you should do? Get some balls. You are in your 30s, stand up for yourself!0
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I had a similar problem involving a George Foreman grill : ).
Anyway shes renting the place same as you. Equal rights. Sounds like an overreaction. Probably using this as an excuse to vent other issues.
I would put up with it for a while if you can. If she kicks off again just smile or laugh at her.
Hope it works out.0 -
I think you should get a nice new toiletry bag, maybe one of those you can hang up and they fold down to reveal all the stuff in neat pockets.
Next time you see your flat mate, smile, say hello and act normal, and don't mess with her stuff!0 -
0
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Why did you take photos of the toiletries? That seems a bit odd and passive aggressive. You could have just said 'Do you mind clearing a bit of space in the bathroom' and left it at that.0
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Red-Squirrel wrote: »I think you should get a nice new toiletry bag, maybe one of those you can hang up and they fold down to reveal all the stuff in neat pockets.
Next time you see your flat mate, smile, say hello and act normal, and don't mess with her stuff!
^^^^THIS^^^
I agree. Buy yourself a suction hook and stick it on the bathroom wall, then buy a toiletries bag you can hang up or use a drawstring gym bag.
She sounds like a drama queen, stand up to it, don't let her see you're are ruffled by this, she will just do it all the more.
Just don't leave your toiletries in the bathroom, she might use your toothbrush to clean the toilet !!!:eek:0 -
fairy_lights wrote: »Why did you take photos of the toiletries? That seems a bit odd and passive aggressive. You could have just said 'Do you mind clearing a bit of space in the bathroom' and left it at that.
I can't see a problem with taking a photo of the toiletries, clearly they are all left out there and are all on display anyway and everyone will have seen them everyday!! It's not like they have been hidden in drawers and the OP has taken pictures. Op only circulated photo to the people who go in the room and can see the toiletries for themselves anyway, I can't see the problem.
perhaps the OP took a photo so that everyone can claim their stuff and any old, empty ones can be discarded. I have lived with people who keep empty bottles of shampoo and toothpaste tubes hanging around because they are just too lazy to put them in the bin.0 -
It is odd taking pictures of the toiletries. Putting a bin in there and a friendly note asking people to bin unwanted toiletries so you can all have more space may have been better.
You're moving out in six months so don't have to take her seriously. I would regularly move her toiletries in a small way but deny it
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I wouldn't leave my toiletries in a communal bathroom, as I'd hate the thought of someone using my toothpaste, soap and towels , through which germs can be spread, especially as you mentioned a lack of cleanliness.0
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