Pyscho flatmate - what to do

lika_86

Personally I don't see why sending a message in a group chat is any different to leaving post-it notes. You've been there a few days, maybe the better approach would have been to speak to people on an individual basis when you came across them in the house.

It's done now but I'd support everyone else who suggests just keeping your stuff to yourself and taking it to the bathroom as necessary.

nnb

I once lived in a shared house where the other tenant had been living there alone for months so basically felt it was his house now.

When I moved in, he had claimed the ENTIRE kitchen and fridge, and freezer. I didn't feel it was wrong to claim one kitchen cupboard, a shelf, and half of the fridge/freezer space. I even got his number from the LL so I could text him to let him know. MISTAKE NUMBER 1.

I also opted for a 'tidy' bathroom and plonked all of our toiletries into a cute basket - past housemates always liked this! MISTAKE NUMBER 2.

6 weeks later, we get a couple move into the other bedroom. They obviously also want space in the kitchen, fridge/freezer, and bathroom. I tell them what's mine and what is his and just let them loose on what they feel is fair space to claim for themselves. MISTAKE NUMBER 3.

Mistake 3 led to me being cornered in the kitchen by housemate 1. He was screaming and shouting. He's a big bodybuilder type, I am a very short and unfit girl! I was pretty scared. He then storms out and calls me thinking I'm the LL (!!!!!!) and leaves a voicemail saying how *I* threatened to hurt him and his girlfriend and suggests I am evicted?!?!?! I was a mess and ended up next door crying to a neighbour in fear. Thankfully I was away for a week after that and managed to evacuate the day I got back.

GOLDEN RULE: Do not touch anything! I don't think a photo is remotely unreasonable as I see your intentions were fair and it wasn't like you went into private areas but PEOPLE BE CRAY CRAY!

Someone mentioned asking her out for a drink. I recommend this, it has helped when I had minor disputes in other places. Preferably get other housemates involved too so she doesn't get you alone haha! Definitely try talking to her though, texts can come across cold but tone of voice can work wonders. Also, don't leave your stuff in the bathroom.........

Geoff1963

that a bottle of my shampoo had gone down a lot

. . . and the thief didn't bother topping it up with water.

gingercordial

Photographing the toiletries was a bit weird of you, OP. There's nothing wrong with it as such, but it's a strange thing to do. I don't think I'd have been impressed if a new flatmate had come in and sent round nagging photos almost immediately via group chat rather than just asking nicely in person. In flatmate situations almost anything written comes across as snarky.

Talk to her if you can, apologise and ask for some space to put your things. If that doesn't work, you can survive six months of almost anything if you know there's an end date. I've had some terrible flatmates in the past and it is a learning experience and a great source of stories.

Money_saving_maniac

I'm sorry to say I would think you were a psycho in waiting if you photographed the toiletries.....it's very weird

FBaby

What is really annoying is when someone new comes in and instead of trying to find out what the routine is and then adapt to it, they come in, taking over and expecting everyone to adapt to their needs.

What you should have done was asked what the system was in terms of keeping toileteries in the bathroom. If no response, you could have asked one of them when passing them in real life. You could then have asked if anyone minded if you could also leave a few things of yours.

What you did WAS passive aggressive and over the top.

ripplyuk

I don't blame her. I'd have been annoyed at you too. I'd be wondering what else you might take photos of.

OP, remember that you've only been there a week. These people don't know you. They don't know where your boundaries lie. YOU know you'd never take photos of anything sensitive or personal, but they don't. She was probably just a bit freaked out by it. I think you should apologise to her and I'm sure it'll all blow over soon enough.

Also, please don't overreact by saying she 'is' OCD. It's a very debilitating mental health problem, not an adjective for fussy.

gycraig_2

FBaby wrote: »

What is really annoying is when someone new comes in and instead of trying to find out what the routine is and then adapt to it, they come in, taking over and expecting everyone to adapt to their needs.

What you should have done was asked what the system was in terms of keeping toileteries in the bathroom. If no response, you could have asked one of them when passing them in real life. You could then have asked if anyone minded if you could also leave a few things of yours.

What you did WAS passive aggressive and over the top.

System ? If I pay for a room and there's 3 other people I don't care about the system already in place I'd want a fair share of the bathroom and the kitchen be that cupboard or a side etc.

I'd just put my stuff down and everyone can move there's into there fair share

zagubov

Another one who'd think it odd to be photographing everybody's toiletries, but just hang up a bag to put stuff in. And yes, maybe don't leave stuff in the bathroom if the flatmates are a bit weird.

coffeehound

I can see where the OP was coming from with the photos. In houseshares you can end up with toiletries or food items in cupboards that have been there since ever, and everyone thinks they belong to another housemate so they just stay there taking up valuable shelf space. Unless you can gather everyone together at the same time to check, you never know who they belong to. Had this once in a houseshare where we didn't know that the freezer was choc-full of ancient food belonging to long departed residents until moving out day.

So circulating photos and saying, 'is anyone claiming the Timotei / Matey bubblebath / soap on a rope' would be a way of getting a decision. OP's mistake was doing that too soon rather than sitting tight for a few months.