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Can he really be reformed?
Comments
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thank you for all your replies - i will address the question everyone is asking, he has managed to secure a job in construction but what i have expressed to him because of my concerns is that the money he is getting from that job is nothing compared to what he was getting before therefore it is very easy and tempting to look at what his cousin for eg is doing and get back into it.
i feel bad for not having faith in him but also dont want to discourage him in case he really does want to change his way of life.
p.s he has also enrolled into university to finish off his degree that he had started before he was sent to prison0 -
What's he filling his life with now, OP? How are things different? He had a life of crime for which he served a prison sentence and hopefully spent some time being rehabilitated. So what's changed? He's now free to begin again so what will he find to replace his previous criminal life?
Just like getting clean from drugs or sober from alcohol, the difficulty is staying that way. If you don't change your life, how will you stop yourself drifting back to where you were?
As with everything in life, it's not what we think or even say that's particularly important. It's what we do. So none of this guff about how he's changed and how things are different, he needs to demonstrate that by his actions. Is he?
ETA. Aside from the job, which may or may not last, seems like not much else has changed.."Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.0 -
Thats a big problem isn't it. How do we expect people to turn their back on crime and reform if they can't get money via a legitimate job?
i totally agree with you Gavin and that is the cause of why there is such a large rate of reoffending, no one wants to hire someone who has a criminal record. the only chance you have is to start your own business if you are business minded or work for minimum wage and that in itself is very discouraging but it is the price you pay for breaking the law. alot of offenders find it easy to get back to crime because its easy money and more than what they would get at the end of a working month.0 -
optimisticsally wrote: »thank you for all your replies - i will address the question everyone is asking, he has managed to secure a job in construction but what i have expressed to him because of my concerns is that the money he is getting from that job is nothing compared to what he was getting before therefore it is very easy and tempting to look at what his cousin for eg is doing and get back into it.
i feel bad for not having faith in him but also dont want to discourage him in case he really does want to change his way of life.
You cannot change him - one way or another. He has to change - and my advice would be to watch, and wait - not for a couple of weeks, or a couple of months - may be a couple of years. He has to do it for him -not for you, not for his child - but for himself.0 -
You cannot change him - one way or another. He has to change - and my advice would be to watch, and wait - not for a couple of weeks, or a couple of months - may be a couple of years. He has to do it for him -not for you, not for his child - but for himself.
Agree with this. Why do you need to get into a relationship with him now? Give him support, let him turn his words into actions, tell him to see if there's any appropriate agencies to help him and see what happens.0 -
optimisticsally wrote: »i totally agree with you Gavin and that is the cause of why there is such a large rate of reoffending, no one wants to hire someone who has a criminal record. the only chance you have is to start your own business if you are business minded or work for minimum wage and that in itself is very discouraging but it is the price you pay for breaking the law. alot of offenders find it easy to get back to crime because its easy money and more than what they would get at the end of a working month.
People make their own choices. Ive known people who have criminal records who got jobs, Ive worked beside two of them. There are some organisations that do hire people who have criminal records, some charities who work with drug users hire recovering addicts themselves (Im not saying everyone with an addiction has a criminal record but some do).
Maybe selling drugs is easy money, but you are also making money from someone elses misery.
Ive worked for minimum wage and I don't have a criminal record.
You might want to make excuses for this man, but if he wants to give up his job in construction to go back to selling drugs, its got nothing to do with him having a criminal record. The criminal record hasn't stopped him getting this job, it's not because its easy money, it's because he'll make more money.
I worked with addicts for a long time. Ive seen the misery that addiction causes, I find it hard to make any excuses for people who peddle drugs.0 -
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What happened to you did the crime, now you did your time. He paid for his crime now he is a free man (apart from his release on licence).
The prison governor and staff must think he is remorseful and have released him back into society. If he get's into any trouble no matter what it is he will have his sorry !!! kicked straight back to prison.
The main question really being do you trust that he has left his life of crime behind him or is it like other's have said, just a line that most prisoners say to get released or when they first get released
Some people are saying how does he support his child, well he hasn't, he's been in prison and the child's mother or other family have been paying for her.
Are you willing to take that chance or not, because some people do chance it's really just a gamble on your part.0 -
purpleshoes wrote: »People make their own choices. Ive known people who have criminal records who got jobs, Ive worked beside two of them. There are some organisations that do hire people who have criminal records, some charities who work with drug users hire recovering addicts themselves (Im not saying everyone with an addiction has a criminal record but some do).
Maybe selling drugs is easy money, but you are also making money from someone elses misery.
Ive worked for minimum wage and I don't have a criminal record.
You might want to make excuses for this man, but if he wants to give up his job in construction to go back to selling drugs, its got nothing to do with him having a criminal record. The criminal record hasn't stopped him getting this job, it's not because its easy money, it's because he'll make more money.
I worked with addicts for a long time. Ive seen the misery that addiction causes, I find it hard to make any excuses for people who peddle drugs.
not making excuses at all, just looking at the bigger picture. i will not stay in contact with him if he goes back to selling drugs because i have seen what it does to people and it is horrible.0
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