Can he really be reformed?

Poppops

Jagraf wrote: »

In my opinion no.

Find a decent chap, there are loads of them around x you are already questioning it, why put yourself through the stress.

No excuses. Selling drugs is out of my moral comfort zone. I wouldn't do it and wouldn't even be friends with someone who had.

Totally agree. It's unacceptable.

Ask him to explain what he means when he says he would never do it again because of the trouble it brings.

If he talks about prison, convictions, the effect it had on him etc and doesn't respond that he has assisted people, many of whom will have been vulnerable, to ruin their lives, then run for the hills.

eskimo26

optimisticsally wrote: »

p.s he has also enrolled into university to finish off his degree that he had started before he was sent to prison

That could work if he lets it. Move away from home, make new friends at uni... what degree? It could be a good way to gauge his commitment i.e. is he willing to work hard to get returns on his student debt or will it just be money down the drain?

Having said that uni is also a great place to deal on the sly. :undecided

He needs a practical degree that will see high job prospects, security and a reasonable increase in salary from being better qualified.

But if he already has a student loan from a first degree i don't know how much he can get again, i'm personally eligible for an NHS bursary with my second degree so that works for me regarding funding.

[Deleted User]

Be a little bit careful. I met someone who had a slightly criminal background. I'd not had any experience of this.

I found the most important thing was how it affected his choices. He was convicted of driving offences twice after I met him.., and our attitudes towards that are very different. He gets on with people that are slightly shady.., but I find their attitudes incomprehensible.

And more importantly, because he was short on boundaries/empathy/lied/didn't have the same morals and ethics as I do, I ended up in a refuge. We had a child together, and I have to continually watch myself as he's a charmer and I don't want to be drawn in to believing him again.

Sure, there are some people who genuinely turn themselves around.., they may never be convicted again.., but there are other things that are also important to a relationship. I hope you will take this into account.

As said my ex was a charmer, and a liar.., I did eventually realise that no matter what he said, actions (which weren't there) meant so much more than pretty words. He seemed very genuine, but never took responsibility for his actions, avoided consequences (which seemed to land with invarying frequency on me), and had no empathy for the people affected by his actions. Watch for that.

Be careful.

thorsoak

geerex wrote: »

I don't understand why your tiredness is a factor?

I think that is a typo and OP means WARY.

misspickle_2

Why would you even consider taking the risk :eek: why?

Do yourself a favour and get out whilst you still can

It sounds like you've got your rose tinted glasses on. God help you when they fall off!

Are you sure your not on here just to justify to yourself being with him? If enough people say enough nice things about drug peddling ex convicts then surely everything will be OK type of thing?

Its too recent for you to take the gamble. Words are cheap. He is still associating with his old world. Does that not tell you something?
Look after yourself and have a good think about what you want from YOUR future.

What is your families take on all this? I hope you have a good support network around you. I have a feeling your going to need it

optimisticsally

thank you all for your replies, i have slept on this and i think its best that i end it before they go any further. i like seeing people change for the better and support them in doing this too but i think its best if i do this from a distance

oystercatcher

Agreeing with above comments.

Just wanted to add, please be aware that people involved on the drugs scene become extremely manipulative, extremely good liars and good actors, it is a skill much needed to maintain their freedom/ illicit buisness etc etc. They can appear extremely charming, attentive and will pretend to agree with whatever ideals they think will fit in with you. If he thinks there is a chance of obtaining money, a home, sex, from you, or those you are connected with then he will be 'Mr Wonderful' he may well vanish with no notice or explanation once goal has been achieved or a better option has appeared. Possibly taking anything of worth you have that he can manage to take (including reputation and dignity!)

Of course there is a tiny, tiny chance he has changed but 'history' has already determined what some of his 'baseline moral code' is, this is unlikely to change.

If you want to enjoy his company and conversation then do so, but bear in mind the above and certainly avoid any financial or emotional commitment for a VERY long time (as in years, many years !!)

Best of luck

Edited to add, just seen your comment above. Well done

misspickle_2

optimisticsally wrote: »

thank you all for your replies, i have slept on this and i think its best that i end it before they go any further. i like seeing people change for the better and support them in doing this too but i think its best if i do this from a distance

Well done.:T
Don't live your life trying to rescue people. They need to rescue themselves and take responsibility for their own actions. You just concentrate on yourself and leave others to just get on with it.

Good luck for the future

Nodding_Donkey

Jailed for a non-violent offence but he's a drug dealing gang banger?

Give me a good ole honest armed robber anyday.

clarryd

optimisticsally wrote: »

thank you all for your replies, i have slept on this and i think its best that i end it before they go any further. i like seeing people change for the better and support them in doing this too but i think its best if i do this from a distance

At least you have thought about this over night and you have come to a decision. The decision you have made is just that your decision and you gave yourself some time to think about it. What is best for you. Other people can give you their opinions but the only opinion that counts is your.

Good Luck.