Can he really be reformed?

geerex

thorsoak wrote: »

I think that is a typo and OP means WARY.

Nope:

optimisticsally wrote: »

thank you all for your replies, i have slept on this and i think its best that i end it before they go any further. i like seeing people change for the better and support them in doing this too but i think its best if i do this from a distance

I'm glad you're now getting some sleep after being so weary.

sassyblue

Glad to see the decision you've made OP. He's been dealing an awfully long time if he was dealing from his teenage years until his thirties when he got put away. Old habits die very hard. I'd hazard a guess that he's got more convictions that he's admitted.

As someone said don't spend your life rescuing people. I hope the love of your life is just around the corner but I don't think its this man.

eskimo26

Well it's your choice but a little sad tbh, I generally give people at least one chance.

At this rate with every one treating him like a criminal regardless he probably will go back to it, like a self fulfilling prophecy, people often get the attitude 'if they think i am a criminal anyway i might as well get some benefit out of it.'

sassyblue

eskimo26 wrote: »

Well it's your choice but a little sad tbh, I generally give people at least one chance.

At this rate with every one treating him like a criminal regardless he probably will go back to it, like a self fulfilling prophecy, people often get the attitude 'if they think i am a criminal anyway i might as well get some benefit out of it.'

But it's not you is it? He's only recently been released and decided to go straight, I'd let him get on his feet first.

He is responsible for his own actions, if he goes back to his old ways it's not the OP's fault.

[Deleted User]

eskimo26 wrote: »

Well it's your choice but a little sad tbh, I generally give people at least one chance.

At this rate with every one treating him like a criminal regardless he probably will go back to it, like a self fulfilling prophecy, people often get the attitude 'if they think i am a criminal anyway i might as well get some benefit out of it.'

But the facts are there for all to read. We all have choices. He chose that way of life. All those years he could of walked away from it all. But didn't.

The OP has to think of herself and do the best for herself. No one else will. She chooses the right path in life for herself. He didn't did he?

eskimo26

Well everyone is entitled to their opinions but I think it's extraordinarily judgmental, especially if you've never been in his position or lived his life.

I don't think one chance is to much, people show their true colours eventually.

People change for the better by being given second chances not being judged in every direction they turn until they is nowhere else to turn.

I'd advocate much tougher sentencing and more meaningful use of prison time instead of it being some criminal social club where you can pick up connections and get any drug under the sun on room service.

More accountability like long term community service and much higher fines, better, more intensive programs not this pathetic 'he showed remorse' so I'll half his sentence garbage.

But ultimately once a person has served their time they are no longer a criminal until they commit a crime! [At which point I would be the first to come down on them like a ton of bricks.]

We need to be hard when the crime is committed not ostracize people that already cleared their slate.

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

eskimo26 wrote: »

We need to be hard when the crime is committed not ostracize people that already cleared their slate.

Of course! However, the OP choosing not to pursue a romantic relationship with the guy based upon how he has chosen to live most of his adult life (right up until he landed himself in prison!) seems a perfectly sane and protective process of reasoning.

Choosing not to make a partner of a man who has a dubious past I]which he is [B]still[/B] connected to![/I, is very much not the same thing as ostracizing him.

If this chap genuinely wants to change his life for the better, which nobody but him really knows, all power to him. He is now in legal employment, which means that an employer has given him a chance to start proving himself. What follows is up to him.

The OP had no hand in his former misendeavors, and nor should she be made to feel remotely responsible for the outcome of his future - it's his to make.

misspickle_2

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine wrote: »

Of course! However, the OP choosing not to pursue a romantic relationship with the guy based upon how he has chosen to live most of his adult life (right up until he landed himself in prison!) seems a perfectly sane and protective process of reasoning.

Choosing not to make a partner of a man who has a dubious past I]which he is [B]still[/B] connected to![/I, is very much not the same thing as ostracizing him.

If this chap genuinely wants to change his life for the better, which nobody but him really knows, all power to him. He is now in legal employment, which means that an employer has given him a chance to start proving himself. What follows is up to him.

The OP had no hand in his former misendeavors, and nor should she be made to feel remotely responsible for the outcome of his future - it's his to make.

Bravo :T
Exactly what I was thinking but phoenix put it far more eloquently

Kim_kim

Jagraf wrote: »

In my opinion no.

Find a decent chap, there are loads of them around x you are already questioning it, why put yourself through the stress.

No excuses. Selling drugs is out of my moral comfort zone. I wouldn't do it and wouldn't even be friends with someone who had.

I would agree with this.
Why take such a huge risk?
Find someone without such demons.