mum coming to live with me - sharing bills?

tessiesmummy wrote: »

Op i think it is a lovely thing you are doing and sadly it should be the norm. Sounds like a good idea making the wet room downstairs and if you can afford help from an agency then get it.

I can't believe the amount of people on this thread who think it is an awful idea. these are the same ones thay will be giving the care home and hospital staff grief saying care isnt upto scratch when they pop in for 10 minutes once a week; and they'll be going mad over their 'inheritance' getting wasted on said care fees.

If people looked after their elderly like they traditionally did then we wouldnt have the NHS and Health and Social care crisis that we have now. I am an experienced registered nurse and it is a sad fact that people dump their relatives in A&E for holidays/ xmas/ nights out.

Second this, but as soon as they pass away there soon there for the inheritance (and I don't mean you op but I've seen it once with work)

We moved nan in and she was with us a few years after a neighbour raised a few concerns and I'm glad we did to be honest as I didn't what someone said about her falling at 11 to be found next day to happen.

You can get a carers assessment too. I think it can be started through the GP thinking about it

tessiesmummy wrote: »

No because it's something I feel strongly about. And it's not a case of cant but more wont or dont want to make any sacrifices

There's an interesting book being serialised on Radio 4 this week, written by a lady diagnosed with dementia at 58. She was adamant from the start that she did not WANT to be cared for by her daughters and would much prefer professional care. My mother was of the same opinion, and did not WANT any of us to have to care for her. So you can feel as strongly as you want, not all older people feel the same.

Plus whether or not you feel people won't or don't want to make any sacrifices, what exactly are you suggesting people should sacrifice to avoid relatives going into residential care?

Their marriages? Pretty sure mine would not have stood the strain of having my mother with us, although one of my siblings lives happily with their MIL.

Their children's lives? DH still doesn't speak about living with his paranoid and delusional grandparent during his teenage years.

Their health? Lifting, turning, toileting a sometimes much heavier adult who either can't or won't cooperate, without adequate help and support ... maybe for years ... Unable to go out for a brisk walk, maybe for years, even hang washing out in the garden without being called, "where are you, I don't know where you are or how long you've been gone?"

Their financial independence? Reliant on Carers' Allowance, no private pension, maybe until they're retired themselves and in poor health because of the years of caring?

Actually, let's forget older people: one of my friends has a child, currently living at home, who will never be able to live independently. Should the parent keep that child at home forever, or take steps to see them in a suitable residential setting, with people of a similar age? If the child stays at home, what happens when the parent dies, or becomes too frail to provide the necessary care? Should a younger sibling have to take on the responsibility? My friend is agonising over when to take this decision, and I'm certainly not going to guilt trip them over it ...

If it works for the OP, that's fantastic. It would not work for everyone, and suggesting that the only reason it doesn't is because people aren't willing to make sacrifices is simplistic at best.

dawyldthing wrote: »

Make sure she applies for attendance allowance (even if she don't need care right now)

I do disagree with mum not contributing though. If there's a few of you split it between you but she will be happy to contribute and ultimately that's what the pension is for - food and bills.

If she doesn't have care needs at present it's pointless applying for AA - when (and if) she does, that's the time to apply.