mum coming to live with me - sharing bills?

TBagpuss

How you manage it finacially would be very much up p the two of you, but it would be sensible to take some legal advice oce you have a rough idea, to ensure that you don't miss anything relevant.

In terms of capital investment from Mum to fund conversion of your home, options would be
- You pay for it, and reach agreement with Mum about what she pays by ay of 'rent' once she moves in (bear in mind that it wil lchange bills - e.g losing your single person council tax discount, possibly higher heating biils if she is at home more than you and/or needs a warmer environment)
- She pays for it, and has a % share of your house based on the amount by which the alternation increases the house's value (this option gives her some security as she becomes a joint owner of the house, it defines her share (so no issues re: deprivation of assets) BUT it could potentially mean that you have to sell you home if there are other beneficiaries entitlwd to a share of her estate on her death, or if things sdon't work out and she wants her money back, if you can't aford to buy her out.
- She pays for it, but the house stays in your name. You and she would both need legal advice and ensure that there was a clear agreement about what, if anything, se was entitled to as a result of her contribution.

It may be that the alterations would not actually increase the value of your home at all, so that is something it is worth looking into as it may make a difference to what you and she feel is fair in terms of how it is funded and what you get.

If you are an only child and likely to be her sole beneficiary then things are a little simpler but you still need to think about what would happen if she needed to move into care or indeed if you fould that things were not working out.

It may be sensible to lok at warden controlled flats and sheltered housing near to your home as well as thinking about her moving in with you, to decide which is likely to work best for you both.

in_my_wellies

Hi, Just an update on an old thread. It all got too much for my mum living on her own (retirement living flat) so she came to live with me last month. She was desperately lonely and suffering some memory loss. I'm emptying her flat so it can go on the market - she hasn't been there since Christmas and is avoiding it.
We are muddling along, that is, daughter who returned after uni, son who comes home from uni every weekend and a cousin whose stuff I'm storing as she is 'between houses' who seems to live in my garage/annex when it's too cold for her caravan and her husband is working away and her son when he's up here visiting.
Mum certainly isn't lonely anymore. She tries to keep busy but does get mixed up and anxious.
I've looked into employing a carer/s and have registered with an agency in the next village. They have visited so can be called upon.
She can easily manage the stairs for now but tomorrow I'm going to talk to a bathroom company for idea about creating a shower/wet room downstairs. The plumbing is there so hopefully I only need to remove the coat pegs and cupboard and the shower can go in there. It will be tight but there is a possibility to move a stud wall 40 cm for more space.
The biggest change is having the heating on all day - something very new to me! And at 21 degrees. Also using a lot more hot water because she washes up every cup in a big bowl of soapy water whereas I swill it or use the dishwasher.

troubleinparadise

Well, I guess things will become clearer in terms of what your Mum needs and how best to achieve that. I hope your pre-thinking helps you out with that.

Just one key thing - do you have Lasting Powers of Attorney for both Finance and Welfare for her in place? Those will help you manage her affairs if she does lose capacity. As you say she has moments of memory loss, it is imperative to get on and sort those whilst she still understands the concept.

I hope things work out for the two of you. That must be such a comfort for your Mum, but remember to look after yourself too!

in_my_wellies

I do have LPA for Health and Finance. We sorted that out last year when it became clear it might be needed but thank you for the reminder. It was very easy on-line and I did think I should do them for myself soon, tell the children and hopefully forget about it.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

OP, it sounds as though a lot of people rely on you to provide for them. Don't be afraid to say Enough Is Enough if it all gets too much; you need to acknowledge the very real possibility that at some point you will be unable to provide the 24 hour care that very frail elderly people require.

The way my mum washes up in my house irritates me too!

margaretclare

What became of the blind sister that mum lived with?

PS: I would agree with the accessible downstairs loo/shower room. http://www.mobility-plus.co.uk/walk-in-showers/

This was what we had done the year before last. Couldn't be more pleased.

in_my_wellies

Thanks for that link margaretclare, it looks do-able.
The blind sister is now 99% blind (it was about 80%) but has 100% of her marbles. Together they cleared out her house so it's now the most uncluttered house I know. On her own she can manage because she knows where everything is. She can prepare ready meals. I take her to Iceland every 3 weeks or so. She can do her laundry. She has a cleaner once a week and the talking book service which is brilliant! What she couldn't cope with was mum moving stuff around when trying to help. That's why I stepped in. Mum loses things in my house and I can see so it must have been difficult. They miss each other so I take mum over to stay for 2 nights every fortnight which works well so far. Blind aunty has a son who is very good and local but he works all hours - you know the sort of thing these days, frightened to take an hour off for fear of his job.

margaretclare

About ready meals for Auntie - Oakhouse Foods are very good. We had these last year when DH was so ill and I couldn't be bothered with cooking. https://www.oakhousefoods.co.uk/

I used to get the mini-meals which are quite enough for those of us with a smaller appetite.

Fireflyaway

I think having your mum to stay is great. Doing extensive building work seems quite extreme. Do you have a current spare room? Could you add a stairlift etc? Not meaning to upset you but after your mum passes on, will you be left with a house thats been changed beyond what is useful / what you like etc?
The other consideration is things can change. An elderly person might manage with a bit of basic care but unfortunately some people become so unwell its hard to stay at home. My elderly neighbour was a fit 90 year old. Very quickly he went down hill with dementia. He walked off and got lost, locked himself out, then became very violent. He attacked a fellow resident. This was clearly the illness as previously he was lovely and polite and gentle.
If worse happened and your mum was unwell and needed care but had sold her home you might have less choice.
I'd not charge anything for bills. Your mum must have spent a lot on food and clothing for you when you were young. Imagined if she invoiced you! Its your time to help her now.
Your councils adult social care team can provide info. Read cqc reports, get recommendations etc. Hope it works out well.

badmemory

in_my_wellies wrote: »

I do have LPA for Health and Finance. We sorted that out last year when it became clear it might be needed but thank you for the reminder. It was very easy on-line and I did think I should do them for myself soon, tell the children and hopefully forget about it.

You can now claim back the amount they say they overcharged, I've no idea how to do the link but hopefully someone will help with that! About £45 each POA.