MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Money Saving Polls
48 replies 12.5K views
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Replies

  • caz1965caz1965 Forumite
    112 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    NO WAY!
    It has already been said, a pimped car is not important in life.
    Gorgismum said "She is not his mother, she is his future wife"
    If she bails him out now, he will see her as his money mummy!
    And while on the subject, has anyone noticed, some men never grow up( I know that has always been the case, men and their hobbies etc) but I know of 2 men, husbands of my friends, who get Playstation games or Xbox games for birthdays, and spend spare time on games console. I would NOT like to think of my husband, playing games at 37, like his mate does!
  • gb57gb57 Forumite
    83 Posts
    Been there, done that, when I was young and naive.

    Managed all the money, paid off his debts, moved into our own home - what did he do - went off with another woman (clearing out our joint bank account first!):mad:

    It was a a lifetime ago, but boy, did it hurt. I ended up suicidal.

    Marry an immature, unformed man, and if you are not very lucky, you are saddled with an immature, unformed husband. Maybe some men do grow up, but as someone else said - you are planning to be his wife, NOT his mother.

    Help him plan how to pay off his debts and manage his money, but don't do it for him.
  • caz1965 wrote: »
    NO WAY!
    I would NOT like to think of my husband, playing games at 37, like his mate does!

    My OH is 28 and does this - I come home (he works shifts) to find him with a dvd on (for sound only), playing on the playstation, with his guitar across his lap, his tea on the stool next to him and the dog at his feet! and they say men can't multi-task!! Still, I figure at least he's not in the pub (where his mates are) spending money he doesn't have.

    MY OH has a poor credit history and some debt that he doesn't know how much it is (believe me I've asked, and now we've requested a credit report!). We're trying to buy a business together - so far I'm putting up all the finance because he can't. So yes, I'm taking a risk, but most of the costs should be recoupable if it goes wrong, and if I don't put some faith in him then who will....
  • Had a relationship with someone poor with money myself, was constantly subbing them out and in the end I concluded I was actually hurting them as well as my own bank account, by not forcing them to stand on their own two feet.

    My question is - is Sandy sure she wants to marry this guy, bearing in mind she might have his children and require him to be the breadwinner for a bit!

    She should refuse to marry him until all his debts have been cleared!
  • DenariaDenaria Forumite
    7 Posts
    Scenario: So she pays off his debts. Next day the doorbell rings and there's a girl standing there says she 'just came to warn Sandy don't do as she did and pay off his debts as then he just up and left her' ...

    Just as this girl has gone, what happens? Danny rolls up in his blue underlit chick magnet with a new girlie in the passenger seat, and he's come by to pick up his stuff. He's "not ready for commitment yet" and he's moving out....
    Sandy the Sap. How do you think he pays for that lifestyle?? And his 'fresh starts'!

    Always, and for always keep your finances separate - and never give away your independence with your pin number, ladies. ;-)
  • mlsmls Forumite
    26 Posts
    Part of the Furniture
    Perhaps Sandy only fell for Danny because he'd pimped his ride? Maybe it's the only reason she agreed to get engaged?

    That said, I don't think she should pay off his debts until they are married - after the wedding they'll probably have joint accounts and his debts will just be a drain on their pooled resources, so it makes sense to clear any debts that cost more than could be earned by saving instead.

    Also, as soon as the first kid arrives, they'll have to sell Greased Lightning anyway! MLS
  • lotte123lotte123 Forumite
    136 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    No. He needs to get out of this one himself otherwise he is unlikely to learn what needs to be learned to stop him doing it again. She could help him by teaching him how to budget and disciplined in his spending. She can show her commitment to him by sticking with him and giving him her support and he can show his commitment in dealing with his debt (and maybe selling that car of his and buying a bicycle!!!)
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 315 - Proud To Be Dealing With My Debts
    :money: LBM #2 - December 2017 - total £17,663.75 DFD - January 2023 :j
    DD - £500; OH - £7889; Barclaycard - £5135.29, Halifax - £1725.50, Plumbstop - £2226.62, HMRC - £187.34
    Contingency Fund - £10/ £1000
  • tallgirldtallgirld Forumite
    484 Posts
    Part of the Furniture
    ✭✭
    Nah mate!!! Let him sort it out himself. I have been there, done that and ended up out of pocket. I would NEVER do it again. He should sell his souped up car, get a 2nd job and clear his own debts!!!! LOSER
  • My god - the scenario is like reading my own posts...

    Unless Dannys genuinely had his 'light bulb' moment then don't do it Sandy! You could end up like me £17k down on your savings whilst he just keeps spending....
  • gaffa_bgaffa_b Forumite
    3 Posts
    sandy if he loves you he will sell his car and get rid of his debt if he does not sell the car RUN like hell away from the waste of space as he will drag you into joint debts which you will end up paying

    get shot of the poser
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