MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Money Saving Polls
48 replies 12.5K views
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Replies

  • wensmcgwensmcg Forumite
    22 Posts
    I think it depends upon the strength of their committment, and thier maturity.

    If he's still planning on continuing to mess with his car and run up more debt and isn't too concerned about learning from his experience I agree that she should offer advice and support but he should sort it out himself.

    If they are to be a true partnership though it might be that he needs help.

    My hubby is so likely to blow money that he now doesn't have a credit card and I handle all the money. We've both had problems in the past with money - I am a crafter and spend a fortune on things for this but it's my hobby and I earn a good wage.

    Danny shoudl be allowed to have his hobby but be realistic about what he can spend on it within their budget. If they are to marry and have kids etc they need to work together to sort out problems and he needs to learn to handle finances better.

    If he is not willing to sort it out, perhaps Sandy needs to think about whether danny is really committed to their future together of if he maybe isn't mature enought to handle that yet.

    W
  • wensmcgwensmcg Forumite
    22 Posts
    I think it depends upon the strength of their committment, and thier maturity.

    If he's still planning on continuing to mess with his car and run up more debt and isn't too concerned about learning from his experience I agree that she should offer advice and support but he should sort it out himself.

    If they are to be a true partnership though it might be that he needs help. They need an honest discussion about their financial future - how is a wedding going to be paid for too!

    My hubby is so likely to blow money that he now doesn't have a credit card and I handle all the money. This has been our choice because he accepts that he can't not spend money. We've both had problems in the past with money - I am a crafter and spend a fortune on things for this but it is my hobby and I earn a good wage. I am less likely to run up debt now because it is our money and I wouldn't do that to him because of our relationship.

    Danny should be allowed to have his hobby but needs to be realistic about what he can spend on it within their budget. If they are to marry and have kids etc they need to work together to sort out problems and he either needs to learn to handle finances better or hand over the reins to Sandy.

    If he is not willing to sort it out, perhaps Sandy needs to think about whether Danny is really committed to their future together of if he maybe isn't mature enought to handle that yet.

    W
  • KilalaKilala Forumite
    20 Posts
    I have been married a year, and this relationship is the second one I have bailed out- financially! The first one was a big mistake and I regret every moment of it. However, hubby now got in to debt supporting a child he thought wsa his, only to be told 5 years on it wasn't... I can;t jugde him on that!
    However- I would still say: If you pay off debts, pool things first to force honesty. I just paid off things. He hasn't learnt, has enjoyed spoiling me, and now we are financially screwed as we are both in debt. Who knows where we go from here. I don't regret paying off his debts for him, and we owe less than before, but now I have a mortgage (flat in my name as the deposit was all mine- I'm not totally blind in love!)
    We have both learnt our lessons now, but minimum payments eat away at our money, and he (and therefore me too now) has an awful credit score.
    *sigh*
    If love wasn't so overwhelming, I'd say stick around till the debts are paid off, then get serious.
    Newbie Debt Free Wanabee...
    Debts as 27.07.07
    B/Card: £1763.43
    LA Card: £871.50
    Cahoot: £6900
    Next: £256.54
    HSBC Visa: £1998.61
    O/Drafts: £2990
    I'm not waving, I'm drowning...
  • anaisbyanaisby Forumite
    8 Posts
    Absolutely NO WAY! He should set up a plan to pay off these debts and prove to Sandy that he is not a complete waste of time (and money).
  • algarvealgarve Forumite
    23 Posts
    it's his debts, she can help him work out a plan but not do it for him
    Algarve
  • NO NO NO!!!! Get him to sort hios own finances out.
    I carried my ex's finances for 15 years. All her debts and then supported a very expensive lifestyle that I couldn't afford. Every pay day I knew exactly where she would be (Boots make up section to spend £100 - £150). Then guess what? She ran off with a friend! (Actually the best friend I will ever have as I am loaded now and extremely happy with my new, sensible partner and new baby.
    YIPPEE LIFE'S GREAT SOMETIMES ISN'T IT?
  • PrimrosePrimrose Forumite
    9.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    ✭✭✭✭
    Definitely not. He needs to get his finances sorted out of his own volition instead of relying on somebody else. If he hasn't grown up sufficiently to be able to assess his financial priorities, he doesn't sound as if he's very reliable wedding material.
  • definatley not - they are his debts not hers - and who knows if it will last - who paid for the ring???
    If he is happy to run up debts on subing up his car then it probably won't stop just because they've got engaged - girl be secretive, don't ever let on how much you have - you may need it one day
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