MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts?



  • It happened to me and I'm still paying. If he's selfish and irresponsible with money now, he'll be the same when the wedding and subsequent family come along. Rows will be inevitable and everyone will suffer. Make him get his own act together.......unfortunately leopards rarely change their spots!!
  • georgiasmum
    georgiasmum Posts: 390 Forumite
    I did it once and it caused my own circumstaces to take a nose dive. One of them needs to be solvent and he will never learn responsibility if she keeps bailing him out. She is not his mother, his future wife and therein lies a BIG difference!
  • peteskies
    peteskies Posts: 23 Forumite
    Danny should show his love for Sandy but commiting to some hard-work and overtime and have a clear plan to get rid of his debt so that him and Sandy can live happily ever after.

    Sandy should occasionally treat them both to the occasional night out so that their early years still have the all important enjoyable memories together.
  • feesh
    feesh Posts: 328 Forumite
    My OH has some debts. I struggled for years to lose my student debts and was only truly debt free for the 1st time last month.

    OH's debts are, I'm afraid, his problem! Since we got engaged, we put a fixed amount into a joint account each month (worked out on the ratio of our salaries). This covers bills and joint spending such as meals out.

    The rest is ours to do as we please. I worked for years to pay off my debts so now I am enjoying my spare cash, so I'm sure as heck not going to start paying his debts off :)
  • teilo
    teilo Posts: 1 Newbie
    Its a difficult situation but I think if Danny is commited to the relationship and willing to change his spent thrift ways, then he should be given a chance.

    Sandy should help him out as much as she feels comfortable with, and Danny should continue to work hard to pay off his debts.

    Sandy should be sure that Danny is not a spend happy guy or they might get into trouble later on in their marriage.

    Ideally I wouldn't want to enter a marriage with a guy with debts and a poor credit rating. This will affect your future togather, getting a mortgage etc?
  • Kaminari_2
    Kaminari_2 Posts: 660 Forumite
    I've been in the same situation. My OH was in debt when i met him (5 years ago) and the bank and other financial institutes we chasing him and some of the debt had an interest rate of 40%. He tried to keep it from me but it was making him stressed and depressed and high strung. I told him i couldn't live with debt or people breathing down our necks. I made him right a list of everything he owe and to who, i paid them all off and then worked out a reasonable amount he could afford each month to repay me. The rules were that he was to pay all his bills (including the money that he owed me) as soon as he got paid and the rest of his money was to last him to the end of the month, no more credit to be taken out unless he talked to me about it and he must talk to me if anything else reared its head so we could factor that into our plan. I knew it was risky but his last payment to me is in July and he has not missed a payment or gone overdrawn since. What has it cost me? The interest of that money sitting in the bank. What have a gained? I boyfriend that trusts me and open communication. I would never have paid it all off for him to have a clean slate. They were his debts to deal with but it was my quality of life that was deteriorating by having a highly strung stressed out boyfriend because of it all.

    But i guess the question is would i bail Danny out? Definately not. I don't think he is ready to address the problem yet.
  • No way should Sandy pay off his debt! He needs to grow up
    She will no doubt be sweet talked into paying off the debt & they will eventually get married . Then they will have a joint account & guess what the debts will grow & grow much to Sandy's horror. There will only be some normality when they have separate accounts & Sandy takes control of the finances
    Believe me I know - been there got the tee-shirt etc
  • I've been in this situation - only my partner was needing me to pay his mortgage so he didn't lose the roof over his head. But it didn't make him get to grips with his overall financial problems, and after many similar repetitions I've concluded that until something happens that really scares you, many people aren't shocked into getting their heads out of the sand and tackling their finances head on.
    :money: Dedicated disciple of and Savvy MoneySaver :A
    Mortgage Free ahead of schedule November 2008! :T

    Calvin (to Hobbes) - "Sometimes the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere is that none of it has tried to contact us."
  • JayD
    JayD Posts: 694
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    I believe that when you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, then you should both share everything in your lives - including old debts, and no matter how they arose. So I think that they should work together to resolve all debts and to plan future budgeting. Tackling everything together is what being a committed couple is all about.
  • Danny should not have his debt paid off. He should be encouraged and helped to pay it off and maybe rewarded when he has done it. If Sandy wants to occasionally pay for a joint treat, that's fine, but Danny needs to learn that he should be personally responsible in finance as in everything else in life! Good Luck to them both.
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