MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts?

MSE_Martin MoneySaving Expert Posts: 8,273
Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
Money Saving Expert
Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:
Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts??

Danny and Sandy have just got engaged. Sandy's very careful with her cash and has got some savings, but Danny's systematically run up some electrifyingly large debts from suping up his car. While we all know Danny better shape up, should Sandy pay off his debts for a fresh start?
Enter the Money Moral Maze: Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts??

Previous MMDs: Should Elizabeth tell Charles he can't go on the trip? and Should little sis get a holiday too?

Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.
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  • Phirefly
    Phirefly Forumite Posts: 1,605 Forumite
    heh heh. Sure you mean Phirefly & Mr Phirefly?! :D

    Sandy should make like Phirefly and support Danny through setting a good example and supporting him as he takes steps to sort his own debts out.

    Mr Phirefly is debt free in 2007 :D:D:D
  • MushyPeas
    MushyPeas Forumite Posts: 3,104
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    No, I don't think she should. Otherwise how will Danny learn that it is his responsibility? She should support him sorting his own debts out, but not by paying them off.
    Previous debt: £14K :embarasse Debt free: Sept '03 :DMFW#42 Mortgage OP savings £4271.18/£12000 2019 :)Started dating OH Mar '12, married Oct '12, Walnut born Dec ' 12 :A SPC 12: 99 £38.05/£500 Make money Jan: £412.34/£310 :T Feb: £88.79/£280 May: £215.52/£310 June: £18.98/£300
  • mountainofdebt
    mountainofdebt Forumite Posts: 7,795
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Personally I think it would be better if Sandy supported Danny in his attempts to clear his debts, perhaps by paying more towards joint bills.

    However at the first sign of him using this as an excuse to spend more rather than pay off more then it would be back to 50:50.

    Of course it could be that this is just a blip (perhaps Sandy will spend more on the wedding!) but Sandy should be aware that this could be a sign that they have different spending habits which could have serious consequences if not discussed before their finances become more entwinned.
    2014 Target;
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  • Sarahsaver
    Sarahsaver Forumite Posts: 8,390 Forumite
    No way José! If he has a souped up car I think the engagement may have been in haste. We all know that a fancy car is a man's way of making up for a lack in the 'particulars' ;)
    Member no.1 of the 'I'm not in a clique' group :rotfl:
    I have done reading too!
    To avoid all evil, to do good,
    to purify the mind- that is the
    teaching of the Buddhas.
  • johnny5a
    johnny5a Forumite Posts: 25 Forumite
    It's a self inflicted debt, I wouldn't pay off his debts - if it is through bad luck no fault of his own - fair enough. My view is suping up a car is not a neccessity
  • The_Dragon
    The_Dragon Forumite Posts: 9,749 Forumite
    Nope! if it was a mortgage or something then maybe yes - but pimping his ride no!

    The Dragon
    Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and good with catsup :D
    NSD 15/20, OS WL 21-6 (4) :(C.R.A.P R.O.L.L.Z #44 Twisted Firestarter, VSP #57 - £39.43
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  • Mics_chick
    Mics_chick Forumite Posts: 12,014 Forumite
    A long while ago a friend's OH was £6000 in debt so she paid it off for him when they only been together a few months but they were moving in together - he immediately went out and bought a motorbike on hp for £6000 :naughty: :rotfl: She went mad and said if he wanted their relationship to have any future he had to return the bike coz she didn't pay off his debt so he could rack up more straightaway. He obviously decided his OH was more important than the bike coz he took it back but it cost him a few hundred quid to get out of the hp agreement. They had got married and had kids the last time I heard of them but they moved away so we lost touch.

    I don't know if I would take the same attitude as my friend - I think I would ant to help them to learn how to handle their finances better themselves instead.
    You should never call somebody else a nerd or geek because everybody (even YOU !!!) is an
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  • Marisan
    Marisan Forumite Posts: 96
    Mortgage-free Glee!
    No,she should not pay off his debts,since he would probably just run up some more.Sandy should help Danny to become financially savvy using her skills,and when she can see that he is making an effort,then press ahead with the engagement plans.If Danny cannot control his spendthrift ways,the relationship will struggle.
    .Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • King_Drax_I
    King_Drax_I Forumite Posts: 74
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    No way. He'll probably roll his blue-underlit car soon anyway. Break off the engagement too - who want to marry a Chav??? :)
  • debs66_2
    debs66_2 Forumite Posts: 304 Forumite
    if i was Sandy, then Danny would be John Travolta, so i'd empty my pockets!!! Oh the God of a man he is....

    seriously, they are only engaged. I was married for 12 years after a 4 year relationship and engagement, during which time all money was pooled. when we split he told me i didn't deserve any of our joint assetts as for the last 8 years together i didn't work (i stopped work to have two babies and bring them up, and then ran the roofing business we set up together, on top of ALL household duties).

    Never will i pool again. I'm now Miss Independence.

    Sandy shouldn't marry Danny (even though he could be John Travolta) until he has settled his debts, and until he shows signs of being responsible with money she should no way get involved in any joint finances/debts with him, especially a mortgage.
    Blonde jokes are one-liners so men can remember them...;)
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