Feeling like my world is falling apart

newyorkcitybride

Sammy_Girl wrote: »

Hi NYCB :hello:

I'm sorry to hear your news. Firstly, I would like to say a huge well done on paying £2k on your debts in 2 months, that is absolutely fantasttic :j . I think you have made the right decision in making the minimum payments this month. At least you're still paying some of the debt off and you're not defaulting. In the past, I have been in a similar situation, and defaulted on everything. That's why I'm where I am today Your head is not in the sand and you're more than aware of your obligations :T

As mentioned by other posters, you both sound like that you have a very strong work ethic, so no doubt your OH will find work soon. BTW, I work in the security industry and I know a lot of people in this industry who are ex armed forces. It seems to be a natural progression for many of them, and if you get with the right company it can pay very well. Please PM me of you want any more info.

Finally, you sound like you have had such a fantastic 12 months with the New York wedding, that there is no way that you're gonna let a little glitch like this get you down. Positive things happen to positive people

Sammy x

PS I have been having a huge think about photographers for my wedding, and we will discuss very soon, if you're still interested??

Hi Hun,

Thanks for your post.... I think I might steal your line "Positive things happen to positive people" for a signature for motivation if thats ok? :T

The past 12 months have been a rollercoaster for me, splitting up with someone after a 3 yr relationship, job stresses, and then finding everything I could ever have asked for with my husband, getting married, moving, deciding to emigrate... dont feel like I've stopped to appreciate it all at any point

I'll send you a PM about the security thing, OH is (now) ex-police, and I think he'll miss it. So finding something similar could be good, thanks
As for the photography, still very interested, drop me a msg and we can talk about it all

I'm feeling a bit better after just having a bit of a melt down last night on OH and I think he's starting to understand me being his total opposite in how we deal with things... its partly what makes us work.... I do the worrying he does the calming :rotfl:

So yeah... feeling better.... got a little challenge for myself, as mentionned previously... and got a holiday to look forward to..... it could be much worse, and we're not there yet, so time is still on our side....

"Positive things happen to positive people"
xx:Axx

newyorkcitybride

Ames wrote: »

That sounds like a great plan!

I dont quite know why I need to have the control/structure to it... but even just the idea of it is making me calmer and feel more positive...

Only annoying thing is... hubby and I were going to be getting tattoos this week, darn it! :rolleyes:

BTW Just noticed your signature, and well done you, you're on the home stretch and soon will be at zero by the looks of it. Congratulations :T

Ames

I think a lot of people like the control and structure, chaos is just so scary.

I'm not going to be debt free anytime soon, it had £1200 added yesterday (something I thought was dealt with) and I'm on income support and can only afford token payments. I've just told OH to move out and if he does I'll be £80 a month better off, half of it can go towards f&f's. Thanks for the kind words though!

mdeebee

This is exactly my position at the moment, except that there's only me to look after. Big Issue, here I come.

The world is very scary at the moment, but I know that in leaving work, I have made the correct decision. It's going to be tough, but I will get through it. I WILL.

themaccas wrote: »

Hi NYCB, I can understand your OH and what he has done. I too left a stressful job several years ago that was inducing panic attacks every time I stepped throught the doors. We couldn't really afford for me to quit work but my OH supported me and I took a few months out to gather myself. In that time we just cut right back and made minimum payments on everything. Then a couple of months later we moved house and it did wonders, I applied for jobs and was soon back to work, much happier. From my experience, if you are that unhappy with your work it's time for action, you OH seems to have a great work ethic and highly motivated to find work. I wish you both the best.

OberonSH

Hey there love, know how you feel - we wre saving up to move to Florida before I got hit with a bunch of debts ALL AT THE SAME FRAGGING TIME!!! ho hum...

Here's a few of my thoughts might be helpful, might not. You said you were a previous DFW, so might be worth trying to pretend you're a newbie again, as you might have let things slip a bit since LBM 1.

newyorkcitybride wrote: »

In terms of our SOA (bearing in mind this is rough) here it is:

My incoming £1143
OH (previous) was £1600

Check ot a website called entitledto.co.uk (I think) - will tell you how much you might be abe to get from Gov, to help tide you over).

Rent 650
Council tax 110
Utilities 50

Petrol 300
Food 250 We spend £200 per month on 2 adults, a hundry todder and a baby, including nappies. Old style board for you lady!
MOT/Tax (I dont know how much this one is as OH pays it) Find out, and make sure you include saving up for next years, so it's not a big shock.
Car Insurance 450 (again OH responsible for this) (yearly) Is this the cheapest prices? Don't forget to go through a cashback site!
Mobile Phones £35 Is this PAYG? Shop around for a better tariff if you've been with yours a while
BT £35
Spending (Junk) £100 Spending diary will help you see where this goes, and help you reduce it on non-essentials.
OH Gyms Membership £28 can he cancel this and jog round the block?
OH Cinema card £12 Wouldn't it be cheaper to sign up to an online rental service if he must have film fix?

Then we were overpaying to debts a total of £1050 This is great, and I know it's horrible not being any to overpay, but it looks like you can eke this into next months payments, so at least you're covered while hubby looks for work.

And so we have the debts

Abbey CC (Mine) £2400 0% for 6 months Any space to balance transfer and take advantage of te 0%?
MBNA CC (OH) £1977 18.9% Can you call these and see if they can offer you a better deal - mention you're looking at moving to a better deal, and see what they do.
MBNA CC (Mine) 1023 2.9% till March 09
I.F CC (Mine) £1756 14.9% likewise
Abbey Loan 1 (OH) £4279.01 Fixed £137 per month
Abbey Loan 2 (OH) £2277 Fixed £89 per month
Car Loan (OH) £5110 Fixed £147 per month
Loan from Mum £4500 0% pay back when I can....

Hats off to hubby for doing his best to get another job. In the meantime, has he any skills he can make use of? My OH's grandad is an amazing handy-guy, did us the most beautiful kitchen from old units someone was throwing out, and makes enough to take them on holiday from doing odd jobs. This time of year lawns need mowing etc.

Don;t forget to sign up to cashback sites, again, a drip but you can put it away to pay for Xmas. Check out 'up your income' board for ideas, and referrals to help out a fellow DFW if you do sign up

Other than that, well done love, you've done brilliantly. Hav you considered st Johns wort tablets to help the depression while things are stressful? Eat well, do a bit of excersize once a day to help the happy hormones, and give OH a big hug to let him know you'll get through it. And well done hubby for having the courage to walk out a job that he was unhappy with. No-one ever said on their deathbed 'I wish I'd spent more time in the office'.

Love to you and yours, and keep us updated.

PS - Google 'Expats Voice' for an ace site aimed at people like us who want to move to the States. You'll get loads of help on the visas etc, and Susie who runs it is a star.

Ames

If you're on the pill you can't take St. John's Wort as it interferes with it, you're not supposed to take it with other anti depressants either. If you want to try it speak to a health shop person about it to make sure it's suitable.

newyorkcitybride

Ames wrote: »

If you're on the pill you can't take St. John's Wort as it interferes with it, you're not supposed to take it with other anti depressants either. If you want to try it speak to a health shop person about it to make sure it's suitable.

Surprisingly noone told me that the 1st time I bought it...

I'm not actually now taking either... as I've actually found I feel worse when on the pill, so Oh and I are now just careful with other methods...

As for St Johns Wort i didnt find it to have a great effect on me, tried it for 3 months last year and didnt see much improvement.

So now I'm opting for exercise, being outside the house, some deep breathing, and trying to eat better. I'd say I've felt much better in the past 6 months then I have done for the 2 years previous with anti d's, st johns etc...

Shazand

Hi NYCB

I think both you and OH should be extremely proud of yourselves for putting your happiness first, too many people let the bills take control the way they live.

I use Bach rescue remedy when I have have panic attacks or 'down' days. It really helps me to put things into perspective. You can get it in most supermarkets and boots.

newyorkcitybride

Thanks everyone for your posts. its a great comfort to know other people out there suffer from life just as I feel like I do sometimes...

Following on from Oberon's post - Thankyou...
OH will be applying for an Abbey Zero card, which will allow him transfer from his MBNA card so saving quite a bit in interest there. If we're lucky they will give him a large enough limit to also transfer my I.F balance over too.

Food - This was a rough gestimate based on looking at my last 2 months statements. Within this we did cater for our wedding reception, and a large bday meal for OH before that, so £200 is probably a better number to put on that.
Yes we do need to become much better at it. We've just got back from Asda and I'll post my shopping receipt on here in a minute (need a cup of tea), there are a number of things which we could have done without but at this moment I'm so proud of OH for putting his, and our happiness first that I dont want him to feel punished, so he's had a couple of treats in there

Shazand - I've used Bachs a couple of times when I'm going into really stressful situations, as I find I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks with anything unknown, I'm learning to do better though.... hopefully when certain stresses are removed from my life (job instability etc) my chances of suffering another attack will be lessened and I can work on my own coping strategies for when they should occur....

newyorkcitybride

Hello!

Right here is, as promised, our shopping which im anticipating will see us through for a week.

3 Peppers £1.00
Cheese £2.00
SP Carrots £.68p
SP Apples £.88p
Celery Sticks £.98p
Lettuce £.75p
Potatoes 2.5kg £1.28
1 Onion £.20p
Tomatoes £1.08
Frozen Chicken fillets 1.4kg £4.00
Sp Frozen Broccoli £.74p
Sp Nuggets £.49p
4 Lemon pepper chicken fillets £1.64
Hash Browns £.98p
Beef Mince 2 for £4.00 (500g packs) x 2
Gammon Rounds £1.23
Milk £1.56
BBQ Sauce £1.00
Chicken Pies 3 for £3
Cocoa £1.24
Battermix £.09p x 2
Hotdogs x 2 £1.00
SP Plain Flour £.45p
Naan Mix £.75
Biscuits x4 £.26p
Caster Sugar £.96p
Crisps 24 £2.65
Baking Cases £.33p
Cake slices 3 for £3
Bread £.67p
Crumpets £.60p
Eggs £1.50
Local Newspaper £.60p

Spent a total of £43.67
Now we've got quite a few packet mixes and jars of sauces etc, and probably about £10 in there was totally unnecessary e.g £3 on cakes! But as I said before I didnt want OH to feel punished given that today was his last day at work, but we've also stcoked up on some bits to be able to make cakes, which he has promised he will help out rather than just buying them all the time. He did also respond pretty well to me telling him if we were going to have some treat bits then they would be SP, hence the biscuits!

We've also got sausages, 2 pies, chicken portions, bacon and oven chips in the freezer already so theres plenty of meals for the next week. We've also got quite a lot of cereal for breakfasts, and I take cereal into work to have as lunch (since we get free milk) so all in all I dont feel too bad about it.
As much as I know it could be less, and we could make more ourselves etc, I think this is a good start.

Now I just need to get some meal plans sorted out so very little in terms of fruit and veg gets thrown out because we havent used it etc.....:o