Feeling like my world is falling apart

newyorkcitybride

Hi All,

I hope noone minds my totally self indulgent moan, but I feel like I'm really starting to sink.

I'm off work this week and today has been the first day when OH hasn't been around and I've had some time to myself. Going through the mundane jobs etc was fine, kept me entertained, went off to supermarket and post box, came back to realise, nothing else left to do apart from think......

And here's when I've ended up in a big black hole, not to mention floods of tears!
We're currently in 23k of debt, reduced from 25k about 2 months ago. We're both very aware of the debts and that we want them paid off to eventually start saving to emigrate to New York and build a life over there...

So why have I ended up in a total panic you might ask?
OH was in the Force, and he recently had a run in with a superior regarding a transfer (he travels 80 miles per shift), with the spiralling cost of fuel it's start impacting on the wages, and due to some changes he wasn't too happy commuting. So he asked for a transfer citing those reasons and he was told flat out, No. His transfer wasnt authorised because his superior had just forked out for him to do a driving course...

So he was given one of two choices, either hang it out for 18 months and then have another conversation or jack it in. So OH phones me, in tears not knowing what to do, and knowing how unhappy he's been for the past 6 months I told him if he wanted to leave he could, but he needed to phone another job asap, even if it just bought in enough to cover the bills till he could get a better paid job.... so he went and handed in his notice....:eek:
Due to some owed leave, his last day is friday :eek:

Yes he has been veyr proactive in finding a new job, lots of applications etc but I'm just so stressed and worried that nothing is going to come up and we're going to be headed for some serious trouble.
I dont earn enough to cover the rent, bills, debt repayments and food... not nearly enough

Twin that with the fact that everything seems to be going up in price, I'm starting to feel stretched as it is anyway and need to overhaul the money we do spend as well as myself emotionally. Add to that I suffer from depressive episodes and stress..... I can just feel myself panicking about heading into that, so I'm currently scared whitless....

Added onto the top of this is also the fact that in my company (i work in retail) our retail division (a small division given the size of the rest of the company) hasnt been performing very well and so they have made all the retail head office staff redundant (or have entered into the consultation period before redundancy) my job security isnt looking too great, but I guess at least I have got a job for the time being....

We're going on holiday in 4 weeks for 6 days which we have paid for and have all our spending money already exchanged following my OCD following of the exchange rates and capitalising on good rates on good days!

Now that kind of sums it all up really.... we're still above water but I'm just so scared that we're going to ruin all our hard work. lately I've put a couple of things on the credit card as I ran out of cash in my current account following our wedding reception....

I just feel so unorganised and at odds within myself about what to do, where to turn etc. We havent got demands coming in etc but I'm just scared about whats going to happen.. Everyone keeps saying to me something will turn up job wise for OH but I'm not a person who handles maybes very well, I need order and structure and stability and right now I feel like someone is tugging on the rug underneath my feet...

I'm so sorry to ramble and I know lots of people are feeling the strain quite a bit but I wasn't sure if anyone else could relate/offer support about the emotional impact it all has... I'm not sleeping, I get tearful constantly through the day, and have to go and hide in the bathroom to compose myself. OH is one of life's perpetual optimists and I know (rationally) he probably is right, it wont be long till he gets a job but I just hate this not knowing.... and then add to that I'm an emotional spender so when i'm low I have a tendancy to go and splurge which I am currently fighting off (so far)....

I just dont know what to do to help the situation, or us....
This has been much longer than I intended and so thanks for listening/reading. I needed to say/type it outloud i think..... even if it has made it all the real......

Verbatim

Hi NYCB,

Glad you posted. Try not to worry too much as those feelings of fear can impact on your health and your health is so important.

Can you do an SOA? Even if you do it just for yourself it might help you to feel more in control , seeing your income and expenditure in black and white. But if you feel able to post it you'll get a lot of helpful suggestions on where you could find things at a cheaper price etc.

Ames

I'm the same, I'm always told I worry too much about things that might happen, but what others call worrying I call trying to plan ahead. I don't have any real advice to give, just try to enjoy your holiday and forget about it all for that time.

CCCS_Matthew

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully your OH will be back in work as soon as possible to ease the situation a little. Were you struggling with repayments towards creditors prior to OH leaving his job?

Until OH is working again I would advise you to prioritise the rent, Council Tax and other utilities over credit debts as these hold the more severe penalties for falling into arrears. The creditors will have to wait until your in a better position to be able to offer them repayment. See if any of your creditors allow a payment holiday for a month or two until you know how things are going to pan out.

I’d also suggest drawing up a budget or SOA as it’s called on here illustrating everything you have coming in and going out. Although you may not have enough money to service everything at the moment, the folk on here can review everything you pay out for at the moment and see whether they can advise on any possible ideas to reduce expenditure a little. Furthermore, seeing everything in one place may help to see what possible options you have once OH is working again.

Hope this helps as a start point, I’m sure everyone else will be around to offer some more support soon.

Regards,
CCCS

Useless_with_wonga

Hi,
Please PM me. I am in a similar line of work to your OH with very similar problems. There is NO need to resign. trust me there are things that can be done to secure a posting closer to home. I have quite a bit of experience with these problems within the Force it is NOT a reason in it's self to resign as it can be sorted out to your complete advantage.
Regards

newyorkcitybride

Verbatim wrote: »

Hi NYCB,

Glad you posted. Try not to worry too much as those feelings of fear can impact on your health and your health is so important.

Can you do an SOA? Even if you do it just for yourself it might help you to feel more in control , seeing your income and expenditure in black and white. But if you feel able to post it you'll get a lot of helpful suggestions on where you could find things at a cheaper price etc.

Hi,

Thankyou for your post.
I've been a DFW for some time, and changed my username after getting hitched and for a new start.
I know there are plenty more things, esp the basics which we should have got right a long time before now.
Its mainly OH's lack of job security which is freaking me out, then follows mine, then the how credit clunk (it sounds more like a clunk than a crunch to me!)

In terms of our SOA (bearing in mind this is rough) here it is:

My incoming £1143
OH (previous) was £1600

Rent 650
Council tax 110
Utilities 50

Petrol 300
Food 250
MOT/Tax (I dont know how much this one is as OH pays it)
Car Insurance 450 (again OH responsible for this) (yearly)
Mobile Phones £35
BT £35
Spending (Junk) £100
OH Gyms Membership £28
OH Cinema card £12

Then we were overpaying to debts a total of £1050

And so we have the debts

Abbey CC (Mine) £2400 0% for 6 months
MBNA CC (OH) £1977 18.9%
MBNA CC (Mine) 1023 2.9% till March 09
I.F CC (Mine) £1756 14.9%
Abbey Loan 1 (OH) £4279.01 Fixed £137 per month
Abbey Loan 2 (OH) £2277 Fixed £89 per month
Car Loan (OH) £5110 Fixed £147 per month
Loan from Mum £4500 0% pay back when I can....


All of which we actually acquired before we got together, since we've only been together since Oct 07, got married in March 08 and then we're here now June 08 lol

Like I said its only rough, I'm having trouble seeing the wood for the trees at the moment, so cant really compute very much.....

I'm sorry if there are things I have missed, which I know I have!

newyorkcitybride

Useless_with_wonga wrote: »

Hi,
Please PM me. I am in a similar line of work to your OH with very similar problems. There is NO need to resign. trust me there are things that can be done to secure a posting closer to home. I have quite a bit of experience with these problems within the Force it is NOT a reason in it's self to resign as it can be sorted out to your complete advantage.
Regards

Hi there.

He ahs been lucky and had quite a lot of advice from colleagues, another superior and work force planning (or whatever it is known as)

Personally I think he's been wanting to leave for some time, and is no longer happy in the force..... as it seems no matter what advice he is getting from people he has resigned himself to leaving...

I did urge him to follow the advice get a transfer last it out till something came up and then he could leave but he's an eternal optimist and pretty stubborn so now he' decided, thats it :rotfl:

But thankyou xx

newyorkcitybride

CCCS_Matthew wrote: »

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully your OH will be back in work as soon as possible to ease the situation a little. Were you struggling with repayments towards creditors prior to OH leaving his job?

Until OH is working again I would advise you to prioritise the rent, Council Tax and other utilities over credit debts as these hold the more severe penalties for falling into arrears. The creditors will have to wait until your in a better position to be able to offer them repayment. See if any of your creditors allow a payment holiday for a month or two until you know how things are going to pan out.

I’d also suggest drawing up a budget or SOA as it’s called on here illustrating everything you have coming in and going out. Although you may not have enough money to service everything at the moment, the folk on here can review everything you pay out for at the moment and see whether they can advise on any possible ideas to reduce expenditure a little. Furthermore, seeing everything in one place may help to see what possible options you have once OH is working again.

Hope this helps as a start point, I’m sure everyone else will be around to offer some more support soon.

Regards,
CCCS

Hi,

Thanks for your post.
We are lucky in that we werent struggling with our repayments but as one of life's worriers, I dont want to get to that stage. I'm hoping we will have enough excess in our rent acount (which the rent, council tax, utilities and BT come out of, which we overpay to) to cover the minimum repayments for one month at least... then hopefully OH will have another job secure by end of July and a new wage coming in at end of August. I cant see us being able to cope much further than that though....which is what worries me...

fletch3163

For what it's worth I'd be exactly the same as you. Your reaction is healthier than the head in the sand one in my opinion. You're preparing for some events that will probably not materialise but better that than ignoring it, or even denying it's possibility.

You and your husband did a very brave thing you know but well done to you for supporting his happiness and wellbeing. Please don't allow it to be at the cost of your own wellbeing though, that would just defeat the purpose.

If your husband is able-bodied and willing, with a strong work ethic then I don't doubt he'll find work.

Good luck. I'll keep my eye on your progress.

Verbatim

As your OH isn't working right now am I right in thinking that the petrol won't be that high? One good thing if so.

As you're a seasoned dfw I guess you can advise yourself on the usual stuff! Menu planning around what you have in freezer/storecupboard, spending diary, utilities switching etc

How about getting your OH to do some surveys and mystery shops while he's off to up your income a little. Oh and well done on getting your debt down over 2k in 2 months!

newyorkcitybride

fletch3163 wrote: »

For what it's worth I'd be exactly the same as you. Your reaction is healthier than the head in the sand one in my opinion. You're preparing for some events that will probably not materialise but better that than ignoring it, or even denying it's possibility.

You and your husband did a very brave thing you know but well done to you for supporting his happiness and wellbeing. Please don't allow it to be at the cost of your own wellbeing though, that would just defeat the purpose.

If your husband is able-bodied and willing, with a strong work ethic then I don't doubt he'll find work.

Good luck. I'll keep my eye on your progress.

Thankyou...

I never thought someone's response back to me would have such a profound effect. Its just bought tears to my eyes reading that post....

J xx