Feeling miserable and down

RoxieW

Thanks. You are right. I'm calming down a little now and feeling abit better about things. I guess it boils down to the fact that I'm terrified of losing him and any whiff that he's not happy or a whiff of interest in someone else sends me into a panic tailspin.

I do try to take such comments in jest - but part of me thinks am I being the biggest mug on the planet here?

galvanizersbaby

RoxieW wrote: »

Thanks. You are right. I'm calming down a little now and feeling abit better about things. I guess it boils down to the fact that I'm terrified of losing him and any whiff that he's not happy or a whiff of interest in someone else sends me into a panic tailspin.

I do try to take such comments in jest - but part of me thinks am I being the biggest mug on the planet here?

Hi Roxie When I was pregnant I didn't feel attractive anymore - my lovely slim figure was disappearing - I felt envious of any lady with a waist and generally felt very insecure about my body image (i think a lot of women do) - my husband was very reassuring towards me and I had no reason to think he was cheating but he was - I suspect with your OH it is nothing like this - he is just keeping up with the lads - it's normal for men to look at other women but he needs to show you a bit of respect when he's with you x
In my experience with men it's always the quiet ones you have to watch
Hope you've cheered up a bit now x

RoxieW

You poor thing. That would be my worst nightmare and I think anyone who cheats on someone when they have children together is beyond disgusting.

Yep have cheered up abit now. I just felt wretched this morning and couldnt stop crying.

Thanks everyone.

bikerqueen

for a start, being pregnant is rubbish - bet you wouldn't feel the same in a year's time

secondly - you could get some help for your insecurity. yes he's being a nob but you can't change that. you can get some confidence help and feel better about yourself - worrying yourself into a frenzy over some thoughtless comments is good for no one, particularly you.

You described him exactly as he described you - you didn't say he was exciting, racy, sexy, enthralling - you described him as a good partner, not someone who excites you daily - exactly what he said about you. I'm sure you didnt mean it negatively and neither did he, it's just where life takes you.

moneysaver12

Your husband is not respecting you, lots of people look at the opposite sex thats normal, but the stuff he is saying to you isn't normal and its horrible. I have been in a relationship where i had my ex turning round and looking at other girls and winding me up, i did have insecurity issues and jealousy problems, but he used to make out everything was my fault, when it wasn't. Looking back my problems didnt help but thats was no reason to do the things he did. Now im with a really special man and am secure and don't really have jealousy problems now. My oh would never dream of making comments like that to me. Also you can't rely on someone else to make you feel secure, you need to love yourself. I would try and get some help for your insecurity, have you though about counselling. I found that it was very helpful. I hope you get things sorted out

tsstss7

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Your husband is not respecting you, lots of people look at the opposite sex thats normal, but the stuff he is saying to you isn't normal and its horrible. I have been in a relationship where i had my ex turning round and looking at other girls and winding me up, i did have insecurity issues and jealousy problems, but he used to make out everything was my fault, when it wasn't. Looking back my problems didnt help but thats was no reason to do the things he did. Now im with a really special man and am secure and don't really have jealousy problems now. My oh would never dream of making comments like that to me. Also you can't rely on someone else to make you feel secure, you need to love yourself. I would try and get some help for your insecurity, have you though about counselling. I found that it was very helpful. I hope you get things sorted out

Ditto here -I used to be insecure/ paranoid even with my ex who often vocalised about his attraction to other women in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I'm now with someone else and all of a sudden I'm not that person anymore ....

I think looking back it was the humiliation of him doing this sort of thing in front of others that destroyed my confidence - it was as if he felt I didn't deserve his respect and was going to make a point of it to others too.......:rolleyes:

We all look/ fancy others however not all of us choose to try and make our other halves feel bad by expressing it in a way designed to offend!!!

My current OH does make comments about other women from time to time - the difference is I really do feel loved by him and I know if I ask him to he will stop - not shower me with insults like the ex (I was also boring etc etc)!!!!!!!

I hope you manage to sort this problem out roxio ... I ended up just avoiding all situations that my ex could use to make me feel that way and even stopped inviting him to family weddings - introducing him to new female friends as these were flashpoints for such behaviour ..the breakup was inevitable really :rolleyes:

RoxieW

Hi - thanks all for your kind responses, in particular thanks to dippychick for giving me some perspective.
OH and I had a big blow out last night - I dont do pretending that I'm alright when I'm not. He was very defensive at first and it was like talking to a brick wall but eventually he started listening. Alot came out about my own insecurities and I do think that I 'jump' on small things - looking for signs that he wants someone else etc etc. He was very reassuring as he always is and, although he says he may say 'laddish' things when with the lads its always only in jest, however, he'll try to be more mindful of my feelings.
I should feel secure as he is always so complimentary about me and he is very loving, but unfortunately its not enough. I have had counselling and found it very difficult. However, I am going to start being kinder to myself and try to do things to raise my self esteem.
Anyways, the boys have a birthday party saturday afternoon so we're having some us time then. Looking forward to it.
Thanks everyone.