Feeling miserable and down

Mips

RoxieW wrote: »

I do have friends but alot of them live in yorkshire whereas we moved to derbyshire. My friends locally are great but alot are quite 'new' friendships and I dont really want to moan on - hence the cyberspace offloading!

Thanks dippychick - this is what I aways thought. At the end of the day everyone has their faults - noone has the perfect partner. Although my 2 best friends have OH's who worship them and would never ever so much as raise their voices to them, let alone call them names etc so its easy for them to be horrified.

I think i'm just feeling massively insecure after being called boring, miserable and now too clingy. I dont want to make it worse by bending his and being a nag - I guess cos I'm terrified he'll meet someone 'fun' and independant and think that the grass is greener. God i sound pathetic - I used to be quite strong and go mad about things and demand 'respect' but over the years i think I've given in as I dont win and just end up apologising for getting angry or feeling pathetic for needing reassurance and making things worse.

I just really feel at times that he doesnt care and that I'm the convenient clothes washer, cooker of dinners and bed buddy.

All of these are common feelings in pregnancy, and when you have children. Life isn't as exciting, conversations change from 'Which restaurant are we gonig to tonight?' or 'I fancy a night in a Hotel tonight, let's go' to 'Babies pooh is very Green today' and 'I think baby has Colic again, let's make a Drs appointment' or 'Right, I'll make all the bottles up and you could find something to watch on telly'.

Life is never the same.

It wont always be this way, and you wont always feel this way. When pregnant we get upset over silly little things, or cry at articles we would ordinarily laugh at.

Your husband is just being a bloke I should imagine, having a crack with the lads to fit in. As for lapdancing bars, they have never bothered me personally - oh it would if he wanted to go every weekend, I would have something to say, but again it's something Men do.

You say he is lovely in day to day life - is he a good Dad?

Don't worry about things he says in jest, worry about things he does - but only if you can hand on heart say you suspect him.

Try and plan some 'you' time

It isn't easy for Men when their Wives are so consumed by the kids.

Craftyscholar

RoxieW wrote: »

The thing is, he knows how long its taken for me to trust him and for me to build confidence and for him to just do it anyway really makes me think does he actually care about me at all.

The thing is, he may 'know' that you have self-confidence/self-esteem problems, but that is not the same as really understanding what it feels like and how you can (over)react to what anyone else could shrug off as a passing remark.

Unfortunately I don't think there is any way of explaining to someone who doesn't have those issues. (I am currently having problems with my oldest closest friend - 40 years friendship - who still doesn't get it at times)

mrcow

Get yourself some half naked picture of Brad Pitt and display them over your bedroom wall. Go and sit and have a good look at them form time to time.

Tell him that you are going online for some "me time" and sit an google images of fit men

Next time you're out with him, make a point of checking out some of the male action about

Ask him to text your mate saying "I saw some really nice as$ in town today....how's about you?"

If he complains about any of it, tell him he's miserable, boring and clingy.

Mips

mrcow wrote: »

Get yourself some half naked picture of Brad Pitt and display them over your bedroom wall. Go and sit and have a good look at them form time to time.

Tell him that you are going online for some "me time" and sit an google images of fit men

Next time you're out with him, make a point of checking out some of the male action about

Ask him to text your mate saying "I saw some really nice as$ in town today....how's about you?"

If he complains about any of it, tell him he's miserable, boring and clingy.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I always pass comment on what the Talent is like when we are out - to the girls - it doesn't mean I am seriously interested though.

DKLS

Implement a training regime, If the carrot method doesnt work, try the stick method and beat the laddish ways out of him.

He needs to shape up or get out.

RoxieW

Thanks for the perspective. He is lovely in day to day life - he's a great dad, very hardworking, very complimentary about me, loving and supportive. We make a good team and also have fun together. We enjoy being parents but I do try hard not to let it consume us. We do manage to get plenty of us time and its always great. I really enjoy his company. All of these things are I guess why I let other not so nice character traits go by. Its like he's a different person when around certain people.
I dont suspect him with regards to cheating. He rarely goes out apart from to football related things as thats his big hobby. He prob goes out about once a month if that. I trust him and if he ever did cheat I'd be destroyed - I'd certainly never put my trust in anyone again.

I guess its the lack of respect that these comments represent. I dont feel that he respects me deep down - he'll say he does but his actions dont really show it. perhaps because I'm too clingy, boring or whatever? Maybe I should get a life but I'm happy as I am and I cant be bothered with game playing and would rather just be honest about how I feel rather then trying to be something I'm not.

RoxieW

mrcow - see I'd never do any of that. I'm just not interested. It worrys me that he is but then he just shrugs it off as normal and "god, i'm not allowed to look at people! Grow up, get a life etc etc"

mrcow

RoxieW wrote: »

mrcow - see I'd never do any of that. I'm just not interested. It worrys me that he is but then he just shrugs it off as normal and "god, i'm not allowed to look at people! Grow up, get a life etc etc"

But it is normal to be interested in the opposite sex. Are you saying that he's not allowed to even look at other people and think that they are attractive?

If that's what you're after, then I think your only way forward would be castration (although I don't think that even works to remove cravings). You can't turn someone's thoughts off.

You've said yourself that he's kind, loving, caring, a good friend and father and he thinks you are a "good woman"......he sounds like he makes you pretty happy?

It's also nice that he does have his own set of friends. It sounds like quite a healthy relationship tbh?

RoxieW

The thing that bothers me is the comments and getting excited with his brother that he might see a pair of boobs on the big screen - while his pregnant wife is sat beside him. Obv everyone find other people attractive but i dont see the need to vocalise it. And comments like 'I'd shag her if our lass werent there' - although he see's it as a joke it upsets me. Maybe it shouldnt but it does.

Mips

RoxieW wrote: »

The thing that bothers me is the comments and getting excited with his brother that he might see a pair of boobs on the big screen - while his pregnant wife is sat beside him. Obv everyone find other people attractive but i dont see the need to vocalise it. And comments like 'I'd shag her if our lass werent there' - although he see's it as a joke it upsets me. Maybe it shouldnt but it does.

It would upset me I suppose if I thought there were some chance he really wanted to do it

You have a good one there by the sounds of it, hold onto him, don't push him away