Pregnant for the fourth time and dont want to be

oldMcDonald

I had 4 age 4 and under, eldest was 5 a couple of months after number 4 was born and started school when youngest was 3 months old.

It was very hard work, but it was also a wonderful time and I would never have done it any other way (In fact, I went on to have 5 age 8 and under:) )

I cried when I found out I was pregnant with number 4, as I really couldn't imagine how hard life was going to get, we had finished our family....so many reasons....but not going through with the pregnancy was not an option for me.

I was in the position where DH was happy about the pregnancy, though. I can't imagine how hard it must feel to have an unsupportive DH.

How long have you known about this pregnancy? Maybe there needs to be a little breathing time needed for you both to collect their thoughts?

I do hope everything works out for you.

MrsTinks

Tough one and whilst I see peoples point with asking why you weren't more careful then I think that's an awful assumption to make - pills only work 98% of the time, the rythm method... well speaks for it self, condoms can split etc - no method is 100%... other than the snip for one or the other of you - if you OH doesn't want more kids then tell him to have the snip!
Anyway moving on - a good friend of mine can't use the pill and was following the rythm method - well one night they had a bit to drink and although she warned hubby about the risk then wooohoooo month later she realises she's pregnant with their 4th :eek:
Small house already over crowded, already struggling to make ends meet and you know... they managed In fact her DS is now 3 and the 3 girls (youngest is about 13 I think) help looking after him and his dad is delighted to have a son at last! They make do and are sensible with money. And her hubby? Had the snip a month after they realised she was pregnant with number 4 They managed to get a cancelled appointment

Moving on to serious stuff... it sounds like there are some serious issues underlying here... the fact that our DH doesn't "want" another child and you seem very upset... is there any communication going on here? It takes 2 to tango and surely he realises that he played a part in this too?

You and only you can decide on whether you want/can keep this baby. No-one else! Loosing a baby is going to be traumatic to you no matter what people say - I lost one through miscarriage before I even knew I was pregnant and there isn't many days when I don't think of what might have been. Looking back I know it wasn't the right time to have a child - my then partner would have reacted... not positively let's say. Seperating would have been a lots messier too... But still I wonder about the little life that migth have been...
You need to go and speak to someone professional about this and get some help, and then you and your husband need to look at getting some councilling regardless of what choice you make about the pregnancy.

Wishing you all the best!

Savvy_Sue

Pls be nice to all MoneySavers.

cantbelieveit, go and see your GP and talk through your options. Maybe your OH doesn't know what to say, or how to say it.

windswept

I honestly can't see an issue - you don't want another child, simple as that.
If you are less than 10 - 12 weeks you can get the abortion pill, although I believe it's less effective the further along you go.
I only have one daughter and if I found myself pregnant at the age of 41, I would have a termination, I wouldn't even have to think about it - it's simply not an option to me to have another child.
3 kids under 5 must be a huge struggle, but 4 is a whole different ball game, you would need a 7 seater car for a start.

wotnext

I feel sorry for the OP - they came for advice, not judgement based on other people's situations.

OP, I am pregnant with my fourth.

It took a while to come to terms with as it wasn't planned - my youngest had just started full-time school, we have debts and I was just about to increase my hours at work in order to give us a better quality of life. However, I am so happy to now be pregnant and can't wait for my baby to arrive - DH is exactly the same. The pregnancy has been fraught with problems and it has made me realise how lucky I am. My children are absolutely delighted and I've got little helpers who can't wait to meet their new sibling. The debts are chipped in to every month and will eventually disappear. Our car is too small for what will be a family of 6, but we'll get round it. People have been so kind and generous and donated things and tbh I think this baby is now more spoilt than all of my others put together!

The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your DP. I hope things work out for you. x

Swirlywurly

I feel sorry for people that can't have children. That is a big fear of mine for the future. However it is completely inappropriate for people to impose guilt on someone because of their own circumstances. The OP is in a very difficult position and she doesn't need people emotionally blackmailing her.

Like other people have said, you really need to try and find a way to discuss things with your husband in a calm manner so that you can try and decide what to do. No matter what you decide, there will be appropriate people who can support you.

Good luck

shelly

I totally agree with completelyspent and Swirlywurly.

My husband and I are struggling to have a child at the moment and it looks like we are going to have to have help ( I have been pregnant twice but lost both pregnancies) but I would never judge someone who is in this situation. Decisions have to be made according to personal circumstances.


cantbelieveit, I wish you luck in coming to a decision that is right for you and your family.

Chollita

Ladypink, best of luck with the IVF, but unfair as it may seem, the OP is not responsible for your situation, and she has to make the right decision for her.

Shelly, hope things work out for you as well.

PS OP, whatever you decide, maybe you should pack OH off for the snip ...

Alias_Omega

Looks like my post has been removed, but it was true & straight too the point.

luvvlyjubbly

Yes....and yes everything turns out ok in the end....remember they do grow up and it gets easier in the full on demanding sense....but having 4 will always be tiring......
What i will say is i don't regret a thing at all.....but not something i would recommend to others....take that as you will
Also base your descision on you running the shop, as your partner sounds like he's not much support.