Intimacy with husband/wife

LillyJ

We have been together just over 7 years, so similar time frame to you. But I must say it isn't really something that other people can say what is right/wrong for you.
I am pretty much an "in bed" person and OH is a policeman so he is on shifts. That means we share a bed about 5 times a week, so I suppose it is about that or sometimes less if I am tired and he is late from work.
I have to say though that I went through a phase of feeling really fat (women do this even though they aren't half the time!) and didn't want to be seen without clothes on. OH didn't understand this, as he thought I had a nice figure (and to be honest hadn't really changed much from before!).

Also some people just have a lower sex drive. If this is true, it may be worth checking her contraception as certain hormonal types eg pill can affect libido.

Good luck, most of all, don't put pressure on her!

(PS if you aren't using contraception and are sort of trying to conceive, that can affect the way women see sex as well.)

Mips

consultant31 wrote: »

Cor, I bet that made the OP feel better!

Well it is a possibility!

lindseykim13

My experience (7yrs) would be that marriages and sex drives lol go through phases, this could possibly be just a phase which could last a few months or longer where something is possibly putting here off, baby, change of job, stress, depression all things that seem to effect a womans mood. Anything even small could be playing on her mind and she may not even realise it which then doesn't make her in the mood for 'it'.
Try taking her out even if your broke just for a nice walk etc and talk, just talking does wonders of good. Too many distractions at home like the telly, kids, computer! get out the house and please don't resort to seeking what you need elsewhere (no offence intended) good luck

gerturdeanna

Me and my bloke have been together for 10 years, married for 7 and when we first got together, we were at it like rabbits!! 10 years on, we've now got kids and debts (go hand in hand, don't they!!), and we've both put a hell of a lot of weight on. Now we'll 'do it' about every 2 months!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH How rubbish is that?!?! I know its not often enough but we both know that we still love each other. We always kiss and hold hands every day - just don't do the physical.
So you aren't alone, OP!!

squidge60

um she says shes happy have you told her you are not?i dont think you can go by other people tbh. i remember 1 of my friends telling me she always faked it sometimes to get him to hurry up !! :rotfl:

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

ive not long had a baby so your taking YEARS before i let my fella near me again lol

searching_me

well might be an odd one out here but me and my hubby have it generally once a day... but there was a time where it was 4 months and we hadnt had IT lol... us women are funny creatures like that just depends what mood were in, whats happened that day or if were tired.... but then i know woman who just simply aint interested honestly they dont have sex and they dont care... personally if i go 2 weeks then well.... you know :rotfl: xx
p.s been together nearly 9 years

foreversomeday

In all seriousness, I think you need to talk to her and discuss what you both want - my OH has a much higher sex drive than me and it does cause friction - so much that we are considering going to sex therapy - but if she thinks you are happy, there is no reason for her to change IYSWIM.

If it turns out you both want different things, you need to compromise, this is the most likely cause of the problem, although other causes could be that she is feeling resentful about some other area of the relationship (Doesn't sound the case though.)

mrcow

Dippychick wrote: »

Have you considered she doesn't fancy you anymore?

How is you relationship otherwise?

After 6 years sometimes I really hate my husband!

This is a really good point.

It's very hard to put out with someone who you don't find physically attractive or who has stopped making you feel attractive. You need to work at it. Not trying to be personal, but things like personal hygiene need to be considered as a very high priority. You also need to spend time making each other feel special.

*Louise*

It's perfectly normal for someone to have a low libido, it only causes problems when their partner has a higher drive, so a compromise has to be reached.

OP - maybe you have to seduce your wife a bit more. Try some closeness and gentle intimacy without making her feel as though she has to have sex at the end of it.


I have been with my OH for 11 years, 3 kids (8,3 +1) and going on the pill killed off my sex drive somewhat. Usually manage twice a week - I make the effort because he's nice to me and makes me feel wanted, rather than just making me feel that he wants sex iyswim.