Intimacy with husband/wife

caut_1

Hi all,

this is really embarrasing for me to ask this, but I am getting to the stage where I really need to talk to someone, but cant face friends etc with this.

I have beentogether for six years and married for nearly a year, and in that time we haven't been that sexually active, to be honest for full inetrcourse it's like once every 3 or 4 weeks, and we havent done any fooling around/other stuff without intercourse for 8 or 9 months.

I have tried talking to her about it, but all she says is that she is happy with it the way it is.

Can anyone else either married or in long term relationship give me an idea of how frequent you and your partner are intimate.

Apologies for being so blunt!

Mips

Well, he always gets it when I have been drinking. Too much Wine and I'm easy

We probably do it about once a Week now. Because of the infrequency of it though, it is never the same

We have 3 small children, he works full time in a very demanding job and we have to ship our toddler out of the bedroom to do it.

Yes I know we don't have to do it in bed. But I always insist - it is too easy for him to expect it if I say we can do it all over the house!!!

Incisor

No direct answer here. There are no norms on this one and I can't help feeling that any evidence you get here to support your cause will actually be counterproductive. Really, it is what the 2 of you are happy with. You can't define it in terms of what other people do ["You are not giving me 10% of what the majority on MSE are getting"], more a case of saying "I want more and you want less, how can we make each other happy?"

Mips

Have you considered she doesn't fancy you anymore?

How is you relationship otherwise?

After 6 years sometimes I really hate my husband!

k1mmie

Hi. I realise it must have taken a lot of confidence to place your posting. Most people will tell you that there is no "right" or "wrong" amount of times. It depends on the couple and what feels right for both of you. If you feel that this isn't enough then it may be time to sit your wife down and have a frank discussion anout how you feel. It may be that she has other things on her mind. Either way it is good to talk openly. You are still in the early stage of your marriage and sex shouldn't be an issue. Has your wife had other things like stress or a baby? All these things can and do make a huge difference.

aurora_borealis_2

Put up an anonymous poll. Maybe people will respond to that

alwaysonthego_2

If my husband is horrible to me and takes me for granted then I make a mental note not to give myself to him, but generally it is once a week (2 small children, together for 7 years).

You need to romance her and make her feel special. Maybe a romantic meal to start with. It works for my husband!

Zazen999

Hi

If it has stayed the same throughout - why change now? Or do you mean that SINCE the marriage you haven't been sexually active?

On an slightly weird note, you said 'i have been together' do you mean 'we'? Freudian slip?

I think you'll get alot of replies to this, don't know whether any of them will actually help you as you really do need to work out why you aren't getting as much as you want - are you giving her what she wants in the first place? [Sorry to be so blunt right back at you!!!]

consultant31

There is 'average' but there is no 'normal' - what's normal for one couple would be very abnormal for another.

If you're not happy you really have to make her listen to you or I fear for your marriage.

Since she is happy with things the way they are now, what was it like before you married?

If things have changed a lot with the giving of a ring, it seems that something has happened since then to give your wife a reason (or excuse) to cut the intimacy down.

Could she be depressed?

My husband and I have been married for thirty years so it's very different for us, but intimacy comes in many forms and perhaps she feels you don't take enough notice of the little things, like complimenting her on a new hairdo or even a new recipe she's made for you.

I do hope you work it out, but the key is to talk to each other and listen too.

Jo_F

Maybe you and your wife need to do some courting, it sounds like you have both got into a rut, and I would guess that neither one of you are happy, is there anyway you can arrange a night out, maybe a nice meal, long romantic walk etc and have some time for just you two, don't expect anything, but it may do you both good.

You need to rediscover what it was that made you both crazy for each other, maybe she doesn't feel that you are atrracted to her anymore, quit thinking about sex, maybe run her a bath, offer to do her back for her, glass of wine while she is in there, but no pressure for anything sexual. (unless of course she indicates that it may be on the agenda)

Myself and my partner went through a stage a while ago, it almost got to him packing his bags, basically I was beginning to feel like some kind of sex toy, and I didn't feel that he was interested in what I wanted/needed/thought. So much so, that I had really gone off any intimacy with him and went out of my way to avoid it.

His mum had my kids for us, and we went out, ok we only went to Blackpool, but we had a lovely walk on the front, and had time to talk to each other, away from kids, computers etc, we were both very honest and frank with each other, and he genuinely hadn't thought about how much he was hurting me, that night out did the both of us good (including stopping off on the way home and christening the car like teenagers )

Good luck

consultant31

Dippychick wrote: »

Have you considered she doesn't fancy you anymore?

How is you relationship otherwise?

After 6 years sometimes I really hate my husband!

Cor, I bet that made the OP feel better!