Not committed to relationship

dawn2dusk

HI, everyone , just want what people thought about my relationship with my other half. We have been together since 1996 and most of the time he has been very supportive over the years.
I have told him how i have felt about that marriage and commitment and all the things we have been through, but he does not feel the same way. He wants to carry on as we are, but i realise i want something that he cannot provide. I do not know to go from here. We are reasonably happy with the ways things are.
I want more commitment, but he cannot provide this at the moment.
Thanks for all replies.

Softstuff

What more "committed" could he be? He's with you and has been through thick and thin. That shows a great level of commitment. Some people just don't like marriage is all. Would you throw what you have away if he won't provide that piece of paper?
Many people think marriage means the other half won't leave, that simply isn't the case.

melancholly

i guess you have to decide if you want to wait or if you need commitment..... that's something that only you will know..... how long are you prepared to wait for him to decide over it? it depends on how old he is as well, a little anyway. my heart goes out to you over this, as it is so difficult.

dawn2dusk

thanks , in see what you say, but his immediate reaction although he does not talk much, is marrige no way . i i need to understand his reasons ways and maybe i am not the one for him. And he finds it diffficult to explain where he is at.

ailuro2

Do you think being married would change anything in your relationship?






If the answer is yes, then it's the wrong reason to be getting married.;)

Maybe a commitment ring on your ring finger would be a compromise you'd both be happy with?

dawn2dusk

Maybe you are right. He has made clear that he loves me but does not want to marry me.

misty

Why is he so against getting married? Are these feelings likely to change?

Why is getting married so important to you? Are your feelings likely to change?

Are you willing to keep on with things the way they are rather than split up and lose him and what you have? Have you compromised enough and need to do what makes you happy?

Once you have thought things through - you need to put similar questions to him

sinderella_2

Be clear as to what you want and then communicate this without blame or aggro. Good luck

Debt_Free_Chick

You might want to consider counselling either alone or as a couple. I am intrigued by the comment that you "want more commitment". What is it you want? Why? How would this make you feel more happy/secure/content .... indeed, how would it make you feel?

What does your life need to "look like" in order for you to feel happy?

Most women carry around insecurity and low self-esteem and we need our partners to "fill in those gaps". But the real answer is in our own hearts & minds and not something that can be solved by a partner -any partner. If you have trapped feelings of insecurity, a counsellor can help you get to the bottom of your issues; help you face them; and resolve them.

Sounds like an advert for counselling, doesn't it :rotfl: Sorry about that, but having been through it myself recently, it really has been a life-changing experience for me.

Stephb1986_2

I've been with my OH for 14 months now when we first met he made it clear that he wasnt interested in marrige or kids, at the time i was like well im not looking for that right now. But over the last 12 months i've wanted them things a bit more than i did and i've spoke to him about it and he said that he still wasnt interested so i've carried on and last month he said to me that one day he would like to marry me. which is great i love him to bits and i know he loves me.

Just bear with it hun it might pay off but give yourself a time limit and if he hasnt changed his mind by then maybe you should move on to someone else if you really do want to get married.

Good luck

Steph xx

Incisor

dawn2dusk wrote: »

thanks , in see what you say, but his immediate reaction although he does not talk much, is marrige no way . i i need to understand his reasons ways and maybe i am not the one for him. And he finds it diffficult to explain where he is at.

It's a bloke thing. If the price of a relationship for a male is marriage, at the outset, he will usually go with it, whole heartedly. But if you just live together, it becomes less and less likely he will go along with it, because as the years go by, he is more and more convinced it is working out. And once you start suggesting marriage, he becomes really rattled, that the deal he thought you and he were happy with is being taken off the table. From your point of view of course, all you are trying to do is express your satisfaction with the deal in a permanent sort of way.