sensitive question about young boys

caris

Hi

I have just had a telephone conversation with my youngest daughter, she has asked me to "have a word" with our eldest grandson ( who we bring up, he's 9) to STOP showing her son aged 3 to masterbate. I have to say I was very shocked to hear this. My OH and I do not think our grandson would show the younger one "how" to do these things, there has certainly been no evidence of the elder one doing anything, and he is very senitive about this these things in general (age thing, I'm sure), anyway what should I do? Oh says thats it natural, but daughter has been telling her son off for doing it, apparrently he was at her friends yesterday and was lying at the side of the sofa, pants and trousers down, lying on his back,and "doing it", have to say that we recently took both boys on holiday with us and her son was playing with himself in his campbed every day, we just ignored it. I only had 2 daughters so boys behaviour is not something I know about.

Any help or suggestions happily accepted

thanks
caris

seven-day-weekend

Although I think such behaviour is 'normal', especially in younger boys, at the age of nine I think he should have learned that it is inappropriate in public and should also be told not to show the younger boy. I also think the younger boy should be told it is inappropriate in public.

Just mho.

Paparika

I'm wondering if it's not the 3 year old doing it and your daughter is assuming its the eldest one.

My son didn't really take notice of his until he hit senior school. but as a young child as normal he did sit there holding it for comfort.

Maybe he might of seen his dad doing the same (just a suggestion).

Did she explain why she thinks it's the eldest boy

alwaysonthego_2

I can assure you this is the normal part of a three year olds development. At your Grandson's age he is discovering his gender.

http://wilderdom.com/personality/L8-5FreudPsychosexualStagesDevelopment.html#Phallic According to freud your grandson is in the phallic stage where children start to discover their sexuality. Children need to progress naturally through this stage otherwise if your daughter tells him off for doing something natural then he could have problems with sex in his adulthood. He needs to be encouraged to go somewhere private to do this, but it is normal.

Gingham_Ribbon

They should know by that age to do that in private. If you spoken to the older one about this? It's not okay for him to do that in other people's houses. I don't understand how at 9 years old he could get to the stage of having his pants down masterbating on the couch? Didn't she stop him the minute he started undoing his trousers?

Is it very recent behaviour? It's very normal to masterbate but they have usually learnt that it is socially unacceptable to do so in company long before this stage. He needs to know that his body is private, as is everyone elses.

alwaysonthego_2

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

I don't understand how at 9 years old he could get to the stage of having his pants down masterbating on the couch? Didn't she stop him the minute he started undoing his trousers?

I thought it was the 3yr old on the couch not the 9yr old

Gingham_Ribbon

alwaysonthego wrote: »

I thought it was the 3yr old on the couch not the 9yr old

In that case it's the little one who needs some reminders about privacy. Sorry! I misunderstood and thought they were both her son but the oldest lived with you. I would tell her that you dont' think it's the older oneshowing him - they find out all by themselves!

caris

Hi

I think people are getting confused with my original post.

It is the YOUNGEST CHILD (aged3), that is doing it, the eldest grandson is being blamed by my daughter for supposedly showing him what to do.

We do bring up the older grandson, but our other daughter is his mother, the 3 yr olds mother brings up her son

Thank you for your comments

caris

Soubrette

alwaysonthego wrote: »

I can assure you this is the normal part of a three year olds development. At your Grandson's age he is discovering his gender.

http://wilderdom.com/personality/L8-5FreudPsychosexualStagesDevelopment.html#Phallic According to freud your grandson is in the phallic stage where children start to discover their sexuality. Children need to progress naturally through this stage otherwise if your daughter tells him off for doing something natural then he could have problems with sex in his adulthood. He needs to be encouraged to go somewhere private to do this, but it is normal.

Many psychologists/psychiatrists do not agree with Freudian psychoanalysis but I do believe most would agree that this is a normal part of growing up for a three year old.

Perhaps have a word with your nine year old about privacy and personal boundaries in a non judgemental way?

Sou

Gingham_Ribbon

I would be reluctant to say anything to the 9 year old if the only 'evidence' that he's doing anything is that the youngest has found his willie. They ALL do that and the oldest certainly shouldn't get the 'blame' for it unless someone is sure he's been doing something.

IF it turns out that he HAS shown him, a quiet chat about our bodies being private should be sufficient.

miserly_mum

I have 4 sons of varying ages and believe me nobody needed to show them how to play with Mr Twinkie

I kind of understand the 3 year olds Mum wanting to blame someone else. It was a bit of a shock to me the first time I "caught" my oldest boy with his pants down. He was also around 3 or a wee bit younger and then I naively didn't think little boys could get erections.:rolleyes: How wrong can a person be eh? :rotfl:

I told all my boys that its their willie and they can play with it as much as they want, just somewhere private and not in front of other people or in public. Definately not in one of my mates living room

A friend of mine.....one of her little boys used to "hump" the floor all the time and they just carried on watching telly or whatever as if it was normal. I wouldn't find that acceptable even in a very young child.

Personally , unless the 3 year old has actually said that the older boy had showed him how to....you know what... I wouldn't even mention it to him.